the mind gets in the way
sometimes (more often latey it seems) i bother me.. it's something about the way i express myself. maybe i care too much how others perceive me. it's becoming very dampening.. and it's almost as if i shouldn't say anything unless it's meaningful. what is small talk anyway? a bunch of little nonsenses.. nothing important. and the silence that comes from the absence of small talk shouldn't be awkward.. and yet to so many people it is. humans are addicted to doing and talking and creating! what about just being..
so i stop caring as much.. that's the best thing i can do. let go of this 'self consciousness'... self consciousness is good in the right doses, but not when you allow it to limit who you are, or create some kind of fakeness or facade. and i have been a little on edge lately.. it's silly, really. but it's irritating, unsettling.. it's like i'm a little child who i have to constantly moniter to see how i'm feeling and how i'm acting. which i guess really isn't too far from the truth.
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i found these pictures.. by jasmine becket-griffith. they are amazing and magical. i love them. they bring me happiness and beauty..
this one is my favorite
today sam and i go shopping, for little things, like groceries. later on we are having a tim burton night with friends.. movies like the nightmare before christmas, sleepy hallow, coraline.. i don't know. right now i don't feel all that enthusiastic, but i'm sure i will feel it later. i just have to be gentle with myself.. humans are too rough with our own selves. often we would not want to treat a friend or a stranger with such harshness, but we will gladly give it to ourselves. time for extra love and care! how else can i give that extra love and care to others if i don't feel it for myself first?
<3