heartbreaks in the night
and always, 90% of nights, i dream of him stomping on my heart.. cheating, leaving me to be a single mama, falling out of love with me.. you'd think i must be the most insecure person ever, so afraid of abandonment that it manifests itself everywhere in my life. but no.. most often just in my dreams, and only sometimes (although rarely) in my waking life.. i must say, they are trying to tell me something, or am i trying to tell myself something? like heal what abandonment you are afraid of, or heal your past where you broke off a piece of yourself because sam broke up with you and that was the most devastating breakup in this lifetime, or heal your mistrust of him and your mother because she left you and so did he.. and i must not listen? because i keep having them... i don't know what to do with them, but they are upsetting to have. what do i do? dig deep and try to release whatever lingering anger, sadness, fear i have over being left by someone i love and trust?
but... i think i almost see a pattern... maybe i am seeing it finally?