A sharp turn in the road. . .
This week has been pretty. . . Well, bad.
I just walked out of my room and I stopped to stare at my dad who is asleep in his arm chair and has been sleeping there every night since Tuesday night because my mom is too afraid to bump into his hand, and he falls asleep and is more comfortable in the chair and needs to sleep or he won't get better.
Anyway... I stared at his hand that's all bandaged up and felt like I wanted to cry again. I can't believe this happened.
For those who I haven't told and are reading this...Monday, Hell broke loose for the Parks family.
My dad works self-employed as a carpenter, and he was at some guy's lumber yard helping him out with something. He was cutting some wood that was too thick and ended up running his fingers through the table saw as well. He was rushed to one hospital (A local one), they took one look at him and told him he needed to go to boston. So they transferred him there.
He ended up going into surgery for 8 hours. He shattered the bone in his pinky finger and they worked on that for 5 hours and couldn't fix it. He damaged the nerve in his ring finger, they spent 3 hours trying to fix it, but couldn't... So he ended up getting both those fingers amputated.
His middle finger and index finger have pins in them because he broke the bones but luckily they weren't as bad as the other two and could be saved.
He's now going to be out of work for 6 months. Or at least the construction business. They said he won't be able to swing a hammer again for 6 months... So he's gonna have to find another job where he can work behind a counter or supervise construction.
I saw his hand yesterday when the bandages were taken off...and it just still hasn't hit me that it's true. It looks like he is holding up his thumb and two fingers, and his ring and pinky finger are bent down at the first knuckle that you use to knock on stuff with. I'm just really glad nothing worse happened and that it wasn't his thumb and index finger he lost.
As I was standing there staring at my dad sleeping and his bandaged hand, I couldn't help but think of seeing him in the hospital...all hooked up to things with tubes in his nose and him completely out of it because of the drugs. It was really scary and I don't wanna see something like that again. I feel so lucky that nothing else happened. It could have been a lot worse.
I don't want to think about this, but I'm really scared. I'm so scared of death... and people I love dying. This is my biggest fear. Someone I really really love... I don't want it to happen and it scares the hell out of me knowing that one day, maybe when we least expect it...or maybe when we will expect it...it'll happen.
ANYWAY... The pressure is on me more now to find a job. My parents are relying on me to help them out financially which puts a huge burden on me because I was planning on saving up to buy a car and to save up to be able to move out by next summer and I won't be able to do that now if I am giving my family my income. I mean, I don't mind helping out... But my mom makes commission only... so the weeks when she doesn't make anything, I'll be giving money to put into rent, or car insurance (that I don't even have a car for), or food shopping, or cell phones (Which I don't have a cell phone lol)... I just feel stuck. We need a miracle here. We're gonna start struggling more now without my dad working...and I'm not "qualified" to do the jobs I want to do because I don't have enough experience. How am I supposed to get experience if every company is looking for over 3-5 years experience? All I have is my schooling and my degree. Being an RA really busted my chances in getting an intern to EARN my experience for what I want to do. Ugh.
Well, it's late, so I guess I should be going to bed now.
Sorry for such a depressing journal entry... I needed to let it out.
I just walked out of my room and I stopped to stare at my dad who is asleep in his arm chair and has been sleeping there every night since Tuesday night because my mom is too afraid to bump into his hand, and he falls asleep and is more comfortable in the chair and needs to sleep or he won't get better.
Anyway... I stared at his hand that's all bandaged up and felt like I wanted to cry again. I can't believe this happened.
For those who I haven't told and are reading this...Monday, Hell broke loose for the Parks family.
My dad works self-employed as a carpenter, and he was at some guy's lumber yard helping him out with something. He was cutting some wood that was too thick and ended up running his fingers through the table saw as well. He was rushed to one hospital (A local one), they took one look at him and told him he needed to go to boston. So they transferred him there.
He ended up going into surgery for 8 hours. He shattered the bone in his pinky finger and they worked on that for 5 hours and couldn't fix it. He damaged the nerve in his ring finger, they spent 3 hours trying to fix it, but couldn't... So he ended up getting both those fingers amputated.
His middle finger and index finger have pins in them because he broke the bones but luckily they weren't as bad as the other two and could be saved.
He's now going to be out of work for 6 months. Or at least the construction business. They said he won't be able to swing a hammer again for 6 months... So he's gonna have to find another job where he can work behind a counter or supervise construction.
I saw his hand yesterday when the bandages were taken off...and it just still hasn't hit me that it's true. It looks like he is holding up his thumb and two fingers, and his ring and pinky finger are bent down at the first knuckle that you use to knock on stuff with. I'm just really glad nothing worse happened and that it wasn't his thumb and index finger he lost.
As I was standing there staring at my dad sleeping and his bandaged hand, I couldn't help but think of seeing him in the hospital...all hooked up to things with tubes in his nose and him completely out of it because of the drugs. It was really scary and I don't wanna see something like that again. I feel so lucky that nothing else happened. It could have been a lot worse.
I don't want to think about this, but I'm really scared. I'm so scared of death... and people I love dying. This is my biggest fear. Someone I really really love... I don't want it to happen and it scares the hell out of me knowing that one day, maybe when we least expect it...or maybe when we will expect it...it'll happen.
ANYWAY... The pressure is on me more now to find a job. My parents are relying on me to help them out financially which puts a huge burden on me because I was planning on saving up to buy a car and to save up to be able to move out by next summer and I won't be able to do that now if I am giving my family my income. I mean, I don't mind helping out... But my mom makes commission only... so the weeks when she doesn't make anything, I'll be giving money to put into rent, or car insurance (that I don't even have a car for), or food shopping, or cell phones (Which I don't have a cell phone lol)... I just feel stuck. We need a miracle here. We're gonna start struggling more now without my dad working...and I'm not "qualified" to do the jobs I want to do because I don't have enough experience. How am I supposed to get experience if every company is looking for over 3-5 years experience? All I have is my schooling and my degree. Being an RA really busted my chances in getting an intern to EARN my experience for what I want to do. Ugh.
Well, it's late, so I guess I should be going to bed now.
Sorry for such a depressing journal entry... I needed to let it out.