Thinking from the Heart.
Another day at the barn. Another day I get to see my fathers smiling face, in content that he has his children with him. Did I mention my younger sister is here too? She didn't come to my dad's house till recently. Like 3 days ago? She was staying with my older sister whom I have a hard time getting perfectly along with. Personality clash, both head strong, and subbern like our father. I've been thinking so much that my head hurts. I think I had like three dreams last night. All that I cant seem to recall.
Ever since Juston and Boon left the days seemed to blur together. Can't give a complete explanation why. For some reason with my friends gone... Juston, Boon, and even Cody. Time doesn't seem to fly by as kindly and fun as it had when they were here. I've been letting some unneeded personalities pull me down. Another shame on me. I'm better then that. My dad was right, I am different, and I gotta except the fact not everyone will take the time to understand it. Wonder where and when will I meet those like me. Time will tell.
Something specific has been lingering in my thoughts for while now. I think so much with my heart and get hurt. But why.. I ask myself. Not completely confident in the overall answer. But I think it has to do with the fact that in this economy and generation. So many people are so overwelmed and scared by harsh reality that it forces one to think locally and realistically that it tends to run over the thoughts of love for a person, a place, a smile, or a thing as silly as a childhood teddy bear. I love them all. Most people I am or was around tend to shake me of those simple joys. I guess that's where I lost myself a while back. Ok... a month ago. But that part of me never died.
Being out here in the open skies, tall trees, and natures over all natural beauty has made this clarity of this simple love of mine just even more realizable. It's one of those good traits about me. Just recently have I discoverd that I'm not the only one who, love's this about about myself.
My dad told me I have a big heart. I suppose I do, because when I stop and think about it. I cry or am in a emotional pain when I see someone I care about hurt them selves. Like knowing just by seeing how they are handling certain things, like I once did. I know the outcome and I so want to save them from those unneeded tears or regret. But, if I save everyone, how will they live? Like touching a flame for the first time and burn your self, you know not to do it again.
I say all this because someone I care about is setting them selves up for heart ache or dissapointment. I can be there for them after it all. But I can't stop them.. Not my place. Even if I do care. Kinda kills me knowing I'm helplessly watching, but it's what I gotta do.
Although so many things are going on I have a person to treasure right now, Juston. Thanks to him. I can sleep to his last words of the day to my ear ,to help me sleep peacefully even from this distance.