Playing Catch Up
So first of all shame on me for not keeping up writing about myself. It actually is a release when I do. A lot has happened. More then expected. People come and go. But the story is always similar to the last, just different faces. Unbelivable what has happened in the past couple of years. It's kinda crazy. Love and lost. Pain and desire. Which looking back on it seemed like a terrible breathe of life. But, was more then needed. I've done so much growing up, that it's kinda crazy. I use to fear growing up, scared that I wouldn't do it right. Or make pour choices. My maturaty definately crept up on me. Felt like all the sudden BAM! I'm a adult, making my own choices for ounce and actually doing alright. I've done many things as of late. And have recently cut loose of unneeded weight on my shoulders and began to see a glimpse of the women I wanna be.
Very strange that even though you know something is wrong you don't actually see it, untill it's too late. Late but not gone. Still here, just is taking me a bit to find the real me once more. When your in a low place in your life, you look for a face that will tell you even the slightest of interest or a bit of confidence in you that you don't see. Even if it's the wrong person telling you this. Shame shame shame, on me, for believing that this wrong could be a right. I think the most healthy thing was parting myself away from this person. Yes, we have good times. But bad times are consuming, constant nightmare reminding, and overall wrong.
Picking up my life again. I found myself captivated by my first true love all over again. Strange how it's so true that you never get over your first love. His arms to tempting to jump into. The tingling in my lips where there, but I was scared to see if we could love each other the same if not more then when crazly did before for two years a time ago. I knew that time would tell, and seeing his smiling face made me believe that somewhere in time our love will be in my favor.
The what if factor has always played big in my life. My mind has always lingered to, "what if this.." and "what if that..". Letting go and living more to a balance has been a personal goal for my new year's resolution. Strange how this path has led me right back to the one key family member in my life, my father. I came to Washington for 2 weeks to see him and his wife, whom I love so much. My father alone is one who can make this confusion and interesting page in my life story, just a little bit clearer. He gets me, and I'm definately my father's daughter. We get along so well, and he takes the time to try to understand me.
I know I haven't directly said how I feel to him about how worried or curious I am of my current place in life. But somehow he knows, telling me words of wisdom almost perfectly on key to my currently unsaid thoughts. Although things could be far worse at the moment, they could be better too. I'm striving to find those people in my life, who is worth holding onto to, for my desired future. Like, will they be there for me? Or leave me alone when the things are bound to get rough.
Curiously enough as these thoughts where peering in my head, my love interest, my first true love, Juston came out of no where to see me. Traveling from our home, California to Washington, just to see me. Tell me he loves me, and if I would be his girlfriend. Believe me, totally UNEXPECTED! but, a sweet sight to see and a uncontrolable smile in complete faith. That all the sudden that this love, this time, is going to be better then it ever was. He stayed here by my side for three days. Spoke to my father whom he never properly met before. My longtime good friend Boon came up with him too. For them it was an adventure and my new year's eve surprise at my door step seeing them up here.
A good memory to keep in mind, and great story to tell. The starting of this year, 2009 is a great memory to always treasure because of them. At one point I was starting to believe nothing unexpectedly amazingly good could ever happen for a girl like me. But I'm glad I was soooo wrong. Oh, and I said yes to Juston.
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