A reply to L's All Fooked Up Blog Entry
In a long ass reply to koolaidmom11's blog entry found HERE I present the comment
You are right, the word bullying is being over used and as a result we are being desensitized and are ignoring the times that we do need to step up and step in.
Certainly there are real world post school instances of bullying. I certainly had one at one of my jobs, and I needed the job. I had a boss who would routinely humiliate people to gain power over them and the rest of the group, the remainder of the team would often suck up to him so as not to be part of the out-group. I consider this an example of piss poor management styles - I have had far better and have excelled.
In school there was also bullying for me, I am not the worlds most confident person, but I can build it up these days - something I never could do in high school. School bullying is the one we are most concerned with these days, because the social self esteem is so vital and yet so fragile, mainly because it is built predominantly by interacting with our peers. When that process goes wrong, well we have seen how that ends you either have to build it outside of school or some kids sense of self doesn't survive . I do not agree with a two tier system so kids with crap grades can look like they are winning.
I was not an A student. I fought like hell to get to where I am today - I have an honours degree (BSc) in Psychology and English Studies. Had I not had bad grades and fought and learned, I would not have any sense of self esteem about my capabilities or or any sense of accomplishment - where is the accomplishment in having things handed to you - that breeds entitlement and that is one of the things that is wrong with society today!
To be honest, much as I hate that I was bullied as a child, I wouldn't, if given the chance, take those years back irrespective of the damage they caused and how I, in the process of moving on have had to develop my self esteem, social self esteem and my confidence around people on my own.
Bully Blogging? Nah I am sorry that's where I do draw a line. Once you are an adult, once you start blogging you have a sense of self that, one hopes, is developed and stable. You should, of course, recognise people will have differing opinions, and will DEBATE them, people will challenge your opinions and see events from their own life's perspective. Can't handle that concept cease and desist on blogging.
If people are repeatedly evil to you (there are occasional individuals who it seems the concept of being a grown up has bypassed them - and you really know it when it happens) screw them time to take action - but don't boo-hoo about it. If you are a member of a forum flag it up (we moderators are there for it!) If you have a blog, you have the means to make them go away. You can block and ban them, not just the name, the IP address. Failing that, walk away, find somewhere else to go, not like the internet has one corner to hide out in.
At the end of the day (I hate the phrase but, it is the only one I can think of right this moment.) What bullying is not, nor will it ever be, is the situation of a debate of ideas that does not result in everyone agreement - grow up, that just does not happen. Bullying is not someone telling you that your an idiot because you haven’t agreed with them (though it is insulting, it is just sign of being an asshole) it isn't someone saying to another blogger this person is a nut case or anything else, it isn't someone saying that your site is shite, or that you know nothing. It isn't a group of people agreeing that there is something up with your blog and saying so and bullying, finally, is not where people tease as in families or friendships.
You are right, the word bullying is being over used and as a result we are being desensitized and are ignoring the times that we do need to step up and step in.
Certainly there are real world post school instances of bullying. I certainly had one at one of my jobs, and I needed the job. I had a boss who would routinely humiliate people to gain power over them and the rest of the group, the remainder of the team would often suck up to him so as not to be part of the out-group. I consider this an example of piss poor management styles - I have had far better and have excelled.
In school there was also bullying for me, I am not the worlds most confident person, but I can build it up these days - something I never could do in high school. School bullying is the one we are most concerned with these days, because the social self esteem is so vital and yet so fragile, mainly because it is built predominantly by interacting with our peers. When that process goes wrong, well we have seen how that ends you either have to build it outside of school or some kids sense of self doesn't survive . I do not agree with a two tier system so kids with crap grades can look like they are winning.
I was not an A student. I fought like hell to get to where I am today - I have an honours degree (BSc) in Psychology and English Studies. Had I not had bad grades and fought and learned, I would not have any sense of self esteem about my capabilities or or any sense of accomplishment - where is the accomplishment in having things handed to you - that breeds entitlement and that is one of the things that is wrong with society today!
To be honest, much as I hate that I was bullied as a child, I wouldn't, if given the chance, take those years back irrespective of the damage they caused and how I, in the process of moving on have had to develop my self esteem, social self esteem and my confidence around people on my own.
Bully Blogging? Nah I am sorry that's where I do draw a line. Once you are an adult, once you start blogging you have a sense of self that, one hopes, is developed and stable. You should, of course, recognise people will have differing opinions, and will DEBATE them, people will challenge your opinions and see events from their own life's perspective. Can't handle that concept cease and desist on blogging.
If people are repeatedly evil to you (there are occasional individuals who it seems the concept of being a grown up has bypassed them - and you really know it when it happens) screw them time to take action - but don't boo-hoo about it. If you are a member of a forum flag it up (we moderators are there for it!) If you have a blog, you have the means to make them go away. You can block and ban them, not just the name, the IP address. Failing that, walk away, find somewhere else to go, not like the internet has one corner to hide out in.
At the end of the day (I hate the phrase but, it is the only one I can think of right this moment.) What bullying is not, nor will it ever be, is the situation of a debate of ideas that does not result in everyone agreement - grow up, that just does not happen. Bullying is not someone telling you that your an idiot because you haven’t agreed with them (though it is insulting, it is just sign of being an asshole) it isn't someone saying to another blogger this person is a nut case or anything else, it isn't someone saying that your site is shite, or that you know nothing. It isn't a group of people agreeing that there is something up with your blog and saying so and bullying, finally, is not where people tease as in families or friendships.