(no subject)
So I just went through my journal trying to figure out when things changed.
When I started being so cynical and self-consious, and when i started having things in common with the kind of people I hate. When I stopped being so positive and caring.
When I started watching what i said.
and there were three times where it started to get worse. When Jaclyn and i had our falling out, When eric and i started dating, and When i moved here.
Reading my old entries I see how silly, and cute, and dumb i used to be. And i miss it, because when i knew nothing it was easier to have intense passion for those things.
there are a lot of flaws i had then that i didnt even notice, but i didn't care. I was constantly analyzing myself, i was just living. I don't want to stop learning, but i want to start living again. Maybe moving back in jan. will help me out, maybe i can do it anywhere or maybe theres no time to get it back.
Either way i want to make a vow to myself to stop caring about some things that have been consuming me lately. I don't think i'll go into those things, but i need to start living in a way that i know will make me happy.
i took too much advice over the years, but only i know my own resonance, only i can find the match.
i'm really ready, i'm just hoping this feeling doesn't fade.
When I started being so cynical and self-consious, and when i started having things in common with the kind of people I hate. When I stopped being so positive and caring.
When I started watching what i said.
and there were three times where it started to get worse. When Jaclyn and i had our falling out, When eric and i started dating, and When i moved here.
Reading my old entries I see how silly, and cute, and dumb i used to be. And i miss it, because when i knew nothing it was easier to have intense passion for those things.
there are a lot of flaws i had then that i didnt even notice, but i didn't care. I was constantly analyzing myself, i was just living. I don't want to stop learning, but i want to start living again. Maybe moving back in jan. will help me out, maybe i can do it anywhere or maybe theres no time to get it back.
Either way i want to make a vow to myself to stop caring about some things that have been consuming me lately. I don't think i'll go into those things, but i need to start living in a way that i know will make me happy.
i took too much advice over the years, but only i know my own resonance, only i can find the match.
i'm really ready, i'm just hoping this feeling doesn't fade.