Maria, gratia plena; Ave, ave dominus; Dominus tecum.
My grandmother passed away late last night. They knew she was not going to make it home to die and so she decided to sign up for hospice care at the hospital. They had been lowering her oxygen over the past few days, and they had just started her on the morphine drip the morning she passed. No one expected for her to go that soon. But it was peaceful. She just drifted off to sleep and didn't wake up.
I feel numb right now. I haven't been able to cry yet. I just get super emotional and start almost hyperventilating, but there's no release. No wave of tears to provide relief. It's an awful feeling. She lived a long and mostly happy life, filled with love and hope and above all else, deep, unwavering faith in something bigger then herself (there are so many good stories from this week that made me a believer too). I can't help but feel like a world without her in it isn't a place I want to live in. Because I am surrounded by cynics and she was the only optimist in my life. It's going to suck without her and damn it, if I don't fucking cry soon I think I might scream.
I feel numb right now. I haven't been able to cry yet. I just get super emotional and start almost hyperventilating, but there's no release. No wave of tears to provide relief. It's an awful feeling. She lived a long and mostly happy life, filled with love and hope and above all else, deep, unwavering faith in something bigger then herself (there are so many good stories from this week that made me a believer too). I can't help but feel like a world without her in it isn't a place I want to live in. Because I am surrounded by cynics and she was the only optimist in my life. It's going to suck without her and damn it, if I don't fucking cry soon I think I might scream.