im not worthy
Sometimes it feels true, I feel like he should be loving someone who is stonger, that he will grow tired of the weekness, I'm tired of it... I HATE that I get overwhelmed easyer than most (specialy when it comes to explaining DnD rules)... and when I do I can feel myself start to break... I'm convinced that when I'm reaching this breaking point I can either crumble, or if I can just get my brain on something else for a bit, move on, get distracted or something (like moving on in the round and having the next person go) then I could come back to it later, have it explained when I'm not preasured to understand it quicly (in the middle of a battle is not the time to have three ppl try to explain rapidshot and an extra atack with various pluses and negatives, ) I felt like everyone was waiting on me... and my mind froze... and because my retarded brain couldn't get it... and I just wanted the next person to go before my brain shatterd compleitly, the dm decided we were done, and just like that game was over... my incompatance to understand how something works ruiend yet another night... which just made me feel great about everything... if I was stronger, didn't break as easy/much, if I was better/smarter at gaming... I wouldn't irritate matt, I'm gonna lose him someday, and its gonna be my own broken dumasses fault... so I apreciate every moment I have with him... every kiss, every car ride, every touch, everynight spent next to him, no one will ever tell me you don't know what you have till its gone. I know exactly what I have, and exactly what he deserves, and I'm trying to be it... today was a fail