anxiety...
so i figured out what sets off my anxiety reall bad, not having control, like yesterday, i was trying to get to work, and the bridges were up cause the fleet of navy ship, i might have been to work on time, IF i could get a ride from the max to work, but then i couldnt get a hold of anyone, so i started to get kinda worried, worrie turned into anxiety, and then full blown panic attack, so i called in, and went home...
i've been thinking about my birthday (ive never liked them), it really drives home the fact that there is so much wrong with me, and time is just clicking away, and i have no control over that, i've never liked my bdays, they've always been something i couldnt stop, postpone, rearange or cancel, it comes, no matter what,
i think it's the lack of control that scares me, the feeling helpless to stop it, like i have absolutly no say in the one thing that is most constant in my life,
anyway,so i get to work today, and i didnt even make it to clock in time and i had total panic attack again, i took some benadryl, (closest thing to a sedative i've got) and ive been doin alright,
so thats 2days in a row... i hate it, it makes me so tired, (no not the benadryl, the anxiety attacks) but yeah, i guess my whole point is it's a control issue... if i cant have some control over things that directly affect me, i get tweaky... i guess thats why not knowing whats going on gets to me to, it's kinda in the same genre,
i've been thinking about my birthday (ive never liked them), it really drives home the fact that there is so much wrong with me, and time is just clicking away, and i have no control over that, i've never liked my bdays, they've always been something i couldnt stop, postpone, rearange or cancel, it comes, no matter what,
i think it's the lack of control that scares me, the feeling helpless to stop it, like i have absolutly no say in the one thing that is most constant in my life,
anyway,so i get to work today, and i didnt even make it to clock in time and i had total panic attack again, i took some benadryl, (closest thing to a sedative i've got) and ive been doin alright,
so thats 2days in a row... i hate it, it makes me so tired, (no not the benadryl, the anxiety attacks) but yeah, i guess my whole point is it's a control issue... if i cant have some control over things that directly affect me, i get tweaky... i guess thats why not knowing whats going on gets to me to, it's kinda in the same genre,