Thinking...
Do I try too hard for the wrong things? Is my mindset in one place when it should be in another? Do I try too hard in general? What should I be trying for? What should I be focusing on? What should I be doing right now?
All these questions, yet there is not one answer. I am jealous of her, and I am jealous of him. Those who have no names but have all that I could ask for. Those who do not even try yet they are happy. Those who can make people flock to them with just a soft sweet hello. Unfortunately I am not one of them.
How do they make it so easy, when I can try with all my heart and still receive nothing for the small amount of treasure I wish to obtain. Not even treasure, but light. Light that the simplest things can bring. Yet I can never find it. Why is that?
Do I overlook what should be looked at? Do I try too hard to do too many things. It always seems that when I try to mend one thing, another thing is breaking in it's place. It's like being in a circular room of brick, and one brick cracks, the water starts to come in, threatening to drown me. I cover up the hole, and just as the leak is almost completely covered, another crack in another brick, across the room. I'm not a superhero, I can not reach the length of the room. I promise the brick that I will not let it break, and to just give me two seconds to stop the water from coming in on the other side. I run over, across the room and cover up the new leak, and it relaxes, yet I look over across the room and the other brick which had cracked before has now removed itself from the wall. Then, another brick on the other side of the room cracks, and it screams for me to stop the water from hurting it.
This process continues hundreds of times, and every time I try to help one, another thing is in need.
I need help, I can't do it all alone. Yet, when every brick is someone crying for me, or is my conscience saying I should help others... how am I supposed to be able to find the few who can help me? Where is the light? Where is the love? How can I be surrounded by so many, yet so alone?
All these questions, yet there is not one answer. I am jealous of her, and I am jealous of him. Those who have no names but have all that I could ask for. Those who do not even try yet they are happy. Those who can make people flock to them with just a soft sweet hello. Unfortunately I am not one of them.
How do they make it so easy, when I can try with all my heart and still receive nothing for the small amount of treasure I wish to obtain. Not even treasure, but light. Light that the simplest things can bring. Yet I can never find it. Why is that?
Do I overlook what should be looked at? Do I try too hard to do too many things. It always seems that when I try to mend one thing, another thing is breaking in it's place. It's like being in a circular room of brick, and one brick cracks, the water starts to come in, threatening to drown me. I cover up the hole, and just as the leak is almost completely covered, another crack in another brick, across the room. I'm not a superhero, I can not reach the length of the room. I promise the brick that I will not let it break, and to just give me two seconds to stop the water from coming in on the other side. I run over, across the room and cover up the new leak, and it relaxes, yet I look over across the room and the other brick which had cracked before has now removed itself from the wall. Then, another brick on the other side of the room cracks, and it screams for me to stop the water from hurting it.
This process continues hundreds of times, and every time I try to help one, another thing is in need.
I need help, I can't do it all alone. Yet, when every brick is someone crying for me, or is my conscience saying I should help others... how am I supposed to be able to find the few who can help me? Where is the light? Where is the love? How can I be surrounded by so many, yet so alone?