realizations on a sunday morning
I was looking through face book and such and realized I have utterly isolated myself from everyone. In that time it seems my everyone has found friends in people I loathe. This makes me feel like I should no longer have my everyone be my everyone because I chose not to keep my ties as strong as they once were and someone else came in and made strong ties to them. It seems like it shouldnt be my place to come back and try to form new strong ties. The only way to go it seems is to really just fall off the face of the earth and no longer get in contact with anyone up here. But that makes for a sad and lonely meghan. It really makes me want to cry that I have met enough people that I dont like and thusly enough people dont like me that it would turn into something like this. Its already difficult for me to understand why people would want to spend the time and energy to hang out with me specifically and as of late no one has. This just strengthens the thought that i shouldnt even try to form new ties to these people. Im easily forgettable so I might as well just let them forget. Emo sounding I know, but its the way it is. I am pretty non-descript and I dont have anything that really sets me apart from anyone else personality wise, or at least nothing that people can see in everyday life, my rants arent funny, more annoying, and my inputs into conversation are usually the ones that make people feel bad for the fact that i was the one who said it. I spend the majority of my time with Jimmys friends and even they probably wouldnt care if i was there or not. To be nondescript is a sad way indeed. But at times the alternative is even scarier.