is it possible.. (pointless rambling post, that makes no sense to anyone)
Is it possible for soemone to be kicked down/pushed aside/ blocked off and everythign of that nature, for so long that their feelings on the person who did so to them can change?
I know there was a time I was entirely in love with someone, deeply.. then when they became defensive towrad me, and would never let themselves fall for me, or admit to it.. or maybe they just never did because of their fears, I just walked away emotionally, I left a part of myself there, but I moved on.. though I dont know that I will ever be totaly free of the experience. I cannot see myself going back to that, but I think about it daily. I think as encouragement for myself to never be in that position again. I never wnat to adore someone, be adored by them, yet be by myself.. when I really want to be with them.
I know this sounds rediculous and makes no sense but its really hard to be in someones arms and still be all alone.. to know how you feel and yet to know it will never last. I spent a long time feeling like that. I think this is why I fear relationships now.. The worst moment is knowing that the next morning, no matter how good the night before you will go home to the life where she is not available to yu.. this is how my marriage was.. for the last few years.. this is how several relationships ended.. but only once did I find that I loved the person that much, and still was forced to accept not being their's.
maybe I just dont want a relationship.. maybe I do.. maybe its not the time.. who knows.. right nwo I am content as I am, because I have so much to do in my life right now. But it would be nice to even have that stability.. or maybe it wouldnt. I am rambling cause I am confused.. "though I am conflicted I live" - Josh Harnmorrow
I know there was a time I was entirely in love with someone, deeply.. then when they became defensive towrad me, and would never let themselves fall for me, or admit to it.. or maybe they just never did because of their fears, I just walked away emotionally, I left a part of myself there, but I moved on.. though I dont know that I will ever be totaly free of the experience. I cannot see myself going back to that, but I think about it daily. I think as encouragement for myself to never be in that position again. I never wnat to adore someone, be adored by them, yet be by myself.. when I really want to be with them.
I know this sounds rediculous and makes no sense but its really hard to be in someones arms and still be all alone.. to know how you feel and yet to know it will never last. I spent a long time feeling like that. I think this is why I fear relationships now.. The worst moment is knowing that the next morning, no matter how good the night before you will go home to the life where she is not available to yu.. this is how my marriage was.. for the last few years.. this is how several relationships ended.. but only once did I find that I loved the person that much, and still was forced to accept not being their's.
maybe I just dont want a relationship.. maybe I do.. maybe its not the time.. who knows.. right nwo I am content as I am, because I have so much to do in my life right now. But it would be nice to even have that stability.. or maybe it wouldnt. I am rambling cause I am confused.. "though I am conflicted I live" - Josh Harnmorrow