(no subject)
Maybe i'm too nice. Maybe I am being navie. Because i like everyone to be in peaceful harmony. I dont like unhappiness, anger etc. I like everyone to be happily ever after but it might be wishful thinking on my part. My life I have one person whom was very pissed at me (i dont know if thats still the case since not everyone is like me) and that was a long long time ago. To be honest, its still in my head although i'm not even close to the person. Dont ask me y i'm so concerned. Its just me... i want everyone to like me n me to like ppl. I dont like to make enemies. All my life, i remembered 1 person who was very mean to me, who made everyone be mean to me for the following 3 years n especially the year when it happened (my nightmare which i wont want to live through again since i really like everyone to like me.) surprising, I actually didnt really hate her... again dont ask me why.. i really dont know the reason. Interestingly, at that point of time, i actually attributed all the reason for the meaness from everyone to be because of myself. Now that i think about it, the worst thing i did was cheat for my spelling (my confession) n to be honest, i'm probably not the only one. Anyway, with her, she gradually took a backsit in my mind, only being triggered when something drastic relating to her happens i.e. like seeing her on the bus.
but yeah.... the purpose of my post? I want peace and amiability with all the people i know. You know how u always wish ur newly introduced friend would clique well with ur other friends? I might just be very stupid to be nice to a person who wasnt perfect to me but I can't help it. I think its just me n i do understand that my loved ones, family n friends, would feel very indignant for me. I should too, for myself, cos even i think so. I did if u were wondering.. i felt indignant, angry etc. I have nv felt so angry to be honest. This feelings lasted for about a good week and a half. heh... my record. my sis can tell u. I cant last being pissed for more than a few minutes so cold war i will always lose. Interestingly, in my most recent cold war. I won. -> because i sat out for a week and a half being pissed n decided if i'm no value to the person even as a friend because the person cant be bothered to explain and reconcile, then i will not bother being one. I pick my pride over friendship (probably my 1st time in my life i picked this option). but of cause if the person tried to reconcile then my sole reason for picking pride over friendship crumbled. call me weak. call me stupid. cause i'm probably both. N so i made a friend again from someone whom i thought i will need to spend my whole life avoiding. Personally, I think its a very good closure. It has really helped me to move forward more quickly than before the reconcilation because now i dont spend time being pissed anymore and reliving what happened. I can put everything behind me. Yes, i might be giving advantage... hmm suddenly i had an evil thought and realisation. Isnt being nice to a person who have hurt u a worse punishment? Dont get me wrong, this is not my intention -__-" but i just suddenly got analytical thats all... n realised this is one of the worst guilt tactics for ppl who feel guilty for the wrong they did.
anyway, this is the reason i did what i did. I'm probably always at the losing end cos i cannot stand not being nice.