Current obsession: Nakagauchi Masataka
Nakagauchi-san... How should I describe him?
He feels unmarred. His voice is so clear. As though his heart is so pure, undefiled. Like he never hesitates, is unbothered by the things that normally hinders me, or even most of us. And maybe it's because I can see it so clearly, his 'pureness', our difference, that when I listen to his songs, I always get this feeling in my heart. I'm not sure what, but it makes me feel like crying. And you can really the childlike quality in him, just by watching his videos and stuff.
How should I say this... He really inspires me. I don't think that the word, but, well. I want to be like him. I feel up to being like him. I suppose it helps that he's not so far away, in the sense that he's really like many of us. To me, he seems like a tangable goal. His brief background is that he started learning dancing at 15, which is my current age. A few years later, he won a dancing competition in Nagano, then went overseas to learn more dancing, then came back and got scouted. It seems like something I could achieve. I love to dance. I love to sing. I'm pretty sure acting is not out of my reach too. It seems like being him, is something I both want and like to do.
I don't think I've ever felt like this before. It's like, finally, I have a very clear goal for myself, and a very clear way to get there. I feel like a different person altogether. I really hope, he can remain the way he is forever.
(Another thing... I kind of feel like creating a new name for this new me. One of my friends suggested Makoto, truth, for me because I was always straightforward and honest. I like it, but there's still the family name. I want it to be Japanese because that is my aim, to be an idol in Japan. So it could serve as perhaps my stage name or something. So, do suggest some names for me? I was thinking if I could take some ideas from Nakagauchi-san's name, since he is the one would inspired me so.)