Am I Better?
I can’t remember who asked me, but I know that one of my friends asked me once if I honestly ever think that I am better than certain people. The thing is,… I don’t think of it in that way.
This question kind of resurfaced today when I was driving on my way to work thinking about the people who I don’t talk to anymore. I am not the type of person to take losing friends very well, but I have finally gotten to the point in my life where I have been hurt, abused, and used enough times to finally stand up for myself. It sucks, because I don’t want to lose friends, but I respect myself too much to be treated badly.
See, that’s the difference. It’s not a matter of thinking I am better, it’s the fact that I have a high respect for myself. For the longest time, I would let others disrespect me and not do anything about it. Even though I have a high respect for myself and for others, I never required anyone else to apply that same respect to me.
It is impossible to think that I am better than anyone because no one is on a level plane to accurately make that judgment. Each person is living a life totally different than every other person. Different desires, different dreams, knowing different people, going different places, and believing different things. Maybe I am better off than someone living in a broken home living off welfare, or someone who is a drug dealer, but that doesn’t make me better. No one is living the exact same life as anyone else, so I can’t say that I am better than anyone.
It’s a matter of being the best “person” that you can be. I can say that I respect myself too much to associate with people who will keep me from being a good person or doing things that I know will cause me regret or cause me to be disgusted with myself, but that doesn’t mean that I think that I am better then them. I think they are people just like anyone else and still deserve that respect, but I’m not going to let myself fall away from the person that I am because someone else thinks I’m too uptight. Ok, so call me uptight. I have been called a “prude” before, but I never asked anyone to live up to the standards that I hold for myself. I only ask for respect for the life I am trying to live.
Right now in my life, I don’t hate anyone. I am still very hurt by certain people and I am hurt and disappointed that there are some people that I can no longer associate with (whether it be my decision or theirs) but I don’t hate them. (yes, that even includes the ex) And I don’t think I’m better than anyone else.
I would never criticize someone for how they felt about something. Whether it’s love, rejection, hurt, or joy. Feelings just are. We cannot help them and we cannot change them to please others unless we are changing the person that we are, and that would go against being a good person. If I upset someone for still being hurt, then there is nothing I can do. I am not going to apologize for the way God wired me to feel. Feeling is the one true and honest thing in this world. We can suppress it or hide it, but that feeling is still there, and that’s just the way it is. I respect myself too much to pretend that I feel something I don’t, and I cannot change the way I feel just to please someone.
And sometimes…. that’s where the split comes. And that’s when I have to say goodbye to certain people. Respect, is loving someone despite what emotions they are going through. You cannot offer to be the shoulder for someone to cry on if you refuse to allow them to cry.