Inside my Head
Wow, so I really only use my livejournal to get 'deep' and complain about life's inevitable pitches. Haha, I am sorry for abusing you poor livejournal. You deserve better.
So wow...I have encountered a lot this past year. I don't expect anybody to read all of this--you would be out of your mind insane to do that, but if you do--then I guess I appreciate it...
This past year I've had to face humanity on its bad side. I don't intend any certain someone to read this, so I guess I can go into detail...if you know me well enough-you probably know what this is going to be about. So for about 4 months things were fine-n-dandy and great and just...perfect, ha. But life is never perfect. I can't believe I actually fooled myself to thinking I had everything I needed. I discovered I was very, very wrong. I found myself straying from almost everything that used to have an importance in my life...I was spending all of my time with one person, whom I thought was the world to me. I thought I had found someone whom I could possibly spend the rest of my life with...sounds like everybody else, right? When I finally came to my senses, and realized things weren't going how they were supposed to, I was too scared to do anything about it. I found myself dug so deep into something that I couldn't even breathe to get strength to make a change. When I finally did muster up enough courage to do so, I ended up facing horrible consequences. I knew I was making the right choice. I knew there HAD to be a change. However, one person didn't agree with me, and took it way out of hand. I found myself being scared for my own life- which is..needless to say, quite out of hand. In this huge hurricane of things, I came out fine. I always will--I know how to handle life, well, atleast I know how to get back on my feet because I have a strong base in the Lord. However, that other person is still hurting. I recently found out that this person has been making very irresponsible choices, and I feel that I am to fault. It's so tough when you know you did the right thing--yet someone is too weak to handle it. What do you do when you're in that position? What do you do when something hurts so bad, and you want to fix it--but you can't? It's like watching a rose dry up and become nothing, or seeing the solution infront of you and not being able to grab it. It's a tease. Life really is hard. Not to live itself, but to live and feel content with your choices and decisions. It's crazy how every little thing you do effects everything else out there; how one person's life can change another's. I wish I knew how I was supposed to feel about this--I most likely will never find out...eventually I will forget about it, and it will no longer bother me. But for now, it has taken over my every thought and I can't seem to drown it out. Meh. He's out of my life and he's still inside my head...
So wow...I have encountered a lot this past year. I don't expect anybody to read all of this--you would be out of your mind insane to do that, but if you do--then I guess I appreciate it...
This past year I've had to face humanity on its bad side. I don't intend any certain someone to read this, so I guess I can go into detail...if you know me well enough-you probably know what this is going to be about. So for about 4 months things were fine-n-dandy and great and just...perfect, ha. But life is never perfect. I can't believe I actually fooled myself to thinking I had everything I needed. I discovered I was very, very wrong. I found myself straying from almost everything that used to have an importance in my life...I was spending all of my time with one person, whom I thought was the world to me. I thought I had found someone whom I could possibly spend the rest of my life with...sounds like everybody else, right? When I finally came to my senses, and realized things weren't going how they were supposed to, I was too scared to do anything about it. I found myself dug so deep into something that I couldn't even breathe to get strength to make a change. When I finally did muster up enough courage to do so, I ended up facing horrible consequences. I knew I was making the right choice. I knew there HAD to be a change. However, one person didn't agree with me, and took it way out of hand. I found myself being scared for my own life- which is..needless to say, quite out of hand. In this huge hurricane of things, I came out fine. I always will--I know how to handle life, well, atleast I know how to get back on my feet because I have a strong base in the Lord. However, that other person is still hurting. I recently found out that this person has been making very irresponsible choices, and I feel that I am to fault. It's so tough when you know you did the right thing--yet someone is too weak to handle it. What do you do when you're in that position? What do you do when something hurts so bad, and you want to fix it--but you can't? It's like watching a rose dry up and become nothing, or seeing the solution infront of you and not being able to grab it. It's a tease. Life really is hard. Not to live itself, but to live and feel content with your choices and decisions. It's crazy how every little thing you do effects everything else out there; how one person's life can change another's. I wish I knew how I was supposed to feel about this--I most likely will never find out...eventually I will forget about it, and it will no longer bother me. But for now, it has taken over my every thought and I can't seem to drown it out. Meh. He's out of my life and he's still inside my head...