Stay...
Twice in a single day Wesley had asked me if I had wanted him to stay, and twice I had replied with the answer I thought we both wanted to hear. After downstairs, and Charles, I had been so frightened of anything ever remotely resembling alone that the words had come tumbling out with a force I thought I had forgotten. And then, in the part after
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I was about to deny that I was running from Spike, but then I remembered what I'd done. Got up, showered, got dressed, and left if you want to get specific. I didn't even let myself kiss him.
"I...It's new. You know?"
New in the sense that if an apocalypse don't surface from out of nowhere and knock us on our asses, it could work out this time. With Spike. Who isn't evil anymore and cares about me.
I wonder how many more times I'm going to have to do a mental rewind before it stops being weird.
"I've been trying to find the time to talk to Angel but I keep letting myself get distracted. We're going to have to hide everything wooden within a five mile radius of the hotel when I finally do say something about it."
Not because of me, because of Spike. I've given up on the idea that another of this could make Angel flip out because of me. Whatever we had wasn't exactly what we thought it was, but it was still and always will be something that I had with my best friend. Everything that went differently than I wanted it to, I can live with.
If I could die with it before, I can live with it now.
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"I...know." I actually smiled, and met Cordy's eyes in a moment of understanding. "Of if it isn't new, with all the gloss and the packaging, then maybe it's all ...unknown? Because I think we're all still a little worn."
I sighed, and wished that I still had a plate in front of me, something there...if only to distract.
"I need to remember how to make it better again."
I remembered once thinking that I might've been good at that.
"I've been trying to find the time to talk to Angel but I keep letting myself get distracted. We're going to have to hide everything wooden within a five mile radius of the hotel when I finally do say something about it."
"Are you ready to tell him," I asked softly. "I mean...do you think you keep getting distracted because you don't have it all sorted out yet? Or because you really are worried what he will do?"
I might've actually found another smile.
"We're the ones that couldn't even use names there for a while. Do you think we're up to talking to others?"
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