ranting...
last thursday i had another seizure, at the gym this time. now i have a huge bruise on my leg from where it got caught in the machine i was on and a bruise on my head where it hit the floor. this crap is really starting to get ridiculous. i try to stay positive about it all but the fact remains:
- im taking alot of meds and they obviously arent working so i have to prob switch prescriptions and deal with side effects
- i have a shitty job where i feel like a slave and stupid because im not using my knowledge to do what i want
- wasted time in college and a lot of money to work at acme
- still cant plan a wedding because i have no help or money
- struggle to pay the bills and rent each month
- wont be able to go on vacation or out with friends (not like they call much anyway)
- have anyone to talk to that wont get mad or ignore me
- still feel alone more than ever
- cant even walk or go anywhere by myself without calling people or having some sort of note taped to my chest saying to not take me to the hospital if i have another seizure
- im completely dependent on someone else for a ride anywhere and have to sit at home doing nothing if noone can hang out
im just sad. and im tired of doctors, im tired of medicine, tired of being tired all the time from medicine, tired of needles, ivs and bloodwork, tired of not having anywhere to go, tired of not having anyone to talk to, tired of the same stupid job everyday and tired of not being able to live my life without someone always constantly watching me. i cant even go to my gym anymore because im too embarrassed. im afraid something will happen and the sad part is that mike was there when it happened too but they called 911 before he could take me home quietly. and now ill have to pay more hospital bills because i left early without doctor consent. im just TIRED of this CRAP! i just want to be left alone, and stop waking up in the hospital or on the floor and not knowing what happened. they really need to figure this shit out because im tired of doctors not knowing what the hell what they are doing. seriously. im tired of my stupid body crapping out on me, nothing i do is ever good enough, i try to eat healthy and exercise and i end up in the hospital i try to get on with my life and do things for myself and i pass out and try to take the bus to get places but my mom and mike wont let me because they are afraid something bad will happen. *SIGH*
im trying to be positive, but the bills, stress and bruises and passing out bad experiences are just piling up. for once i would like to have an awesome fun day where i could be special for once. not have to worry about bills or money. whatever. im just going to stop talking now. sorry. im ok, i think... sorry for ranting.
<3 Alyson
- im taking alot of meds and they obviously arent working so i have to prob switch prescriptions and deal with side effects
- i have a shitty job where i feel like a slave and stupid because im not using my knowledge to do what i want
- wasted time in college and a lot of money to work at acme
- still cant plan a wedding because i have no help or money
- struggle to pay the bills and rent each month
- wont be able to go on vacation or out with friends (not like they call much anyway)
- have anyone to talk to that wont get mad or ignore me
- still feel alone more than ever
- cant even walk or go anywhere by myself without calling people or having some sort of note taped to my chest saying to not take me to the hospital if i have another seizure
- im completely dependent on someone else for a ride anywhere and have to sit at home doing nothing if noone can hang out
im just sad. and im tired of doctors, im tired of medicine, tired of being tired all the time from medicine, tired of needles, ivs and bloodwork, tired of not having anywhere to go, tired of not having anyone to talk to, tired of the same stupid job everyday and tired of not being able to live my life without someone always constantly watching me. i cant even go to my gym anymore because im too embarrassed. im afraid something will happen and the sad part is that mike was there when it happened too but they called 911 before he could take me home quietly. and now ill have to pay more hospital bills because i left early without doctor consent. im just TIRED of this CRAP! i just want to be left alone, and stop waking up in the hospital or on the floor and not knowing what happened. they really need to figure this shit out because im tired of doctors not knowing what the hell what they are doing. seriously. im tired of my stupid body crapping out on me, nothing i do is ever good enough, i try to eat healthy and exercise and i end up in the hospital i try to get on with my life and do things for myself and i pass out and try to take the bus to get places but my mom and mike wont let me because they are afraid something bad will happen. *SIGH*
im trying to be positive, but the bills, stress and bruises and passing out bad experiences are just piling up. for once i would like to have an awesome fun day where i could be special for once. not have to worry about bills or money. whatever. im just going to stop talking now. sorry. im ok, i think... sorry for ranting.
<3 Alyson