mars venus
One of my fav books is "men are from Mars women are from venus". Awesome book. I found out that John Gray got his theory from being a budist monk for 9 years in a monistary apparently. Some of the rest of his books are kinda crappy, but this one took the world by storm when it came out. It has theories obviously, but is interesting to contemplate. Here is an excerpt.
Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee
According to Gray, the most frequent complaint that women have about men is that they don’t listen. Either he completely ignores her when she’s speaking or he listens for a few moments, figures out what’s bothering her and immediately puts on his “Mr. Fix-It” hat - offering a solution to make her feel better. She wants empathy, but he thinks she wants solutions.
What it really comes down to is that when men hear that there’s a problem they naturally want to fix it. However, men need to understand that women don’t want their problems ‘fixed’ they want their problems to be acknowledged.
For men, their most frequent complaint of women is that they are always trying to change them. She forms a “Home-Improvement Committee”, with him as her primary focus. She feels responsible for his growth and no matter how much he resists, she looks for any opportunity to help him or tell him what to do. She thinks she’s nurturing him, but he feels controlled and only wants her acceptance.
Men don’t like their problems addressed unless they solicit for help themselves. When a women offers a man unsolicited advice, he assumes she thinks he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it himself.
Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee
According to Gray, the most frequent complaint that women have about men is that they don’t listen. Either he completely ignores her when she’s speaking or he listens for a few moments, figures out what’s bothering her and immediately puts on his “Mr. Fix-It” hat - offering a solution to make her feel better. She wants empathy, but he thinks she wants solutions.
What it really comes down to is that when men hear that there’s a problem they naturally want to fix it. However, men need to understand that women don’t want their problems ‘fixed’ they want their problems to be acknowledged.
For men, their most frequent complaint of women is that they are always trying to change them. She forms a “Home-Improvement Committee”, with him as her primary focus. She feels responsible for his growth and no matter how much he resists, she looks for any opportunity to help him or tell him what to do. She thinks she’s nurturing him, but he feels controlled and only wants her acceptance.
Men don’t like their problems addressed unless they solicit for help themselves. When a women offers a man unsolicited advice, he assumes she thinks he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it himself.