the "l" word
So, today after school, I went to Danny's dorm. Him, his friend Ben, and I all went to the mall so Danny and I could buy Alex birthday presents. We ate dinner before going to pick up Ben's girlfriend, Sam. They work at a nursing home type place, and Danny said he wanted a tour, so a tour was what we got. That place is freakin huge, by the way. So, we then continued on and Sam wanted to stop and show some old lady Betty her pictures from London. Eventually, it got to be time for us to go, so Ben and I went and got his car (Danny was 'comfortable') and picked the other two up.
On the way back to Danny's dorm, Ben brought up the whole love thing. He asked me if Danny were to tell me he loves me, would I say it back and all this other stuff. I know it doesn't matter because Danny thinks we're too young and we don't even know what love is. I guess the worst part is that I know that I do. I don't want to admit it, because it's scary to be in love with someone you know doesn't love you back, but I can't lie to myself forever. The thing that makes me the most upset is that Danny isn't even open to it- when you fall in love with someone, you don't decide it in your mind- you feel it in your heart. Then I start to think about how he told Kristen he loved her and even though it was an accident, he still said it. What if I'm never special enough for him to fall in love with?
I think if that were really true, it'd break my heart.
And you know what else? It isn't like after dating him for 11 months, I expect to say I love you. Even if we did say it, I wouldn't want to say it all the time, because then I feel like it loses its meaning. Just knowing it was the truth and saying it occasionally would be enough for me. *Sigh* That's my rant.
On the plus side, my mom can get Chemo now, so maybe all the praying worked.
On the negative side, I froze my behind off at Danny's softball game, despite my tank top, sweater, Danny's Cross Country sweatshirt, and his friend Tony's football sweatshirt. It was like 80 degrees yesterday and today it's 50. Our weather makes absolutely NO sense.
On the way back to Danny's dorm, Ben brought up the whole love thing. He asked me if Danny were to tell me he loves me, would I say it back and all this other stuff. I know it doesn't matter because Danny thinks we're too young and we don't even know what love is. I guess the worst part is that I know that I do. I don't want to admit it, because it's scary to be in love with someone you know doesn't love you back, but I can't lie to myself forever. The thing that makes me the most upset is that Danny isn't even open to it- when you fall in love with someone, you don't decide it in your mind- you feel it in your heart. Then I start to think about how he told Kristen he loved her and even though it was an accident, he still said it. What if I'm never special enough for him to fall in love with?
I think if that were really true, it'd break my heart.
And you know what else? It isn't like after dating him for 11 months, I expect to say I love you. Even if we did say it, I wouldn't want to say it all the time, because then I feel like it loses its meaning. Just knowing it was the truth and saying it occasionally would be enough for me. *Sigh* That's my rant.
On the plus side, my mom can get Chemo now, so maybe all the praying worked.
On the negative side, I froze my behind off at Danny's softball game, despite my tank top, sweater, Danny's Cross Country sweatshirt, and his friend Tony's football sweatshirt. It was like 80 degrees yesterday and today it's 50. Our weather makes absolutely NO sense.