i think i'm going to give myself an ulcer
Well, things with my moma re still the same, more or less. Things aren't easy, and I can't really say I've gone a day without crying whether it's in front of someone or in private. I try not to think about it most times, but sometimes I feel like I'm pretending it isn't happening just to make myself feel better and I know that shouldn't be what I'm doing.
Danny has been amazing through all of this. I never expected him to be like this, bcause I thought he'd be busy with school and his play and his friends and his family, but no matter what, whenever I need him, he's been there. If I'm crying, sometimes he lets me for a little while but eventually always helps me to stop. I don't really know what I'd do without him right now.
The one thing I don't like is coming home to an empty house. In fact, I think I hate it. When under different circumstances, I would probably enjoy it. But coming home when no one is here makes me think about things even more. I know I've been spending a lot of time at Danny's dorm, which is nice because it's not like I don't like being around any of his friends- they're all nice people and I really feel better being there, being around other people. But being at my house alone all the time at night like this is just eery. Like, my parents should be here with me and they aren't. I worry about my mom, I worry about school, and now I have a new worry to my list.
I know that Danny would get mad at me for writing this because I shouldn't really even know, but his mom wrote him this e-mail that really got to me. Now I'm afraid that I'm making Danny spend too much time with me and I don't want to do that. I don't want to be taking him away from his friends or his family and because he asks me if I'm coming there to visit or whatever, I just thought that he wanted to spend this much time with me. Now I'm second guessing this because of things his mom said. I'm probably just being stupid and overreacting, but I'm just afraid to spend this much time with him because I worry it isn't truly what he wants and I don't even want to make many plans with him this weekend because I don't want to make his family mad at me or maybe they don't even want me around him at all. It's just...of all times, I really need him right now, maybe now more than ever. I wish someone other than me could understand that he just makes me feel safe and like nothing can hurt me and he makes me happy and makes me smile and makes me laugh. That's what's getting me through this right now, because I guarantee that if Danny wasn't around, yes I'd still have my friends, but I would probably be a lot more depressed.
Sorry, had to get that out of my system. Anyway, college has been treating me harshly...SO much homework already. So I'm off to read a bunch of poems, find a poem, find an object, finish ready part of Robinson Crusoe, and define the Enlightenment and what it consists of. Erg.
*Throws herself on bed and sighs*
Danny has been amazing through all of this. I never expected him to be like this, bcause I thought he'd be busy with school and his play and his friends and his family, but no matter what, whenever I need him, he's been there. If I'm crying, sometimes he lets me for a little while but eventually always helps me to stop. I don't really know what I'd do without him right now.
The one thing I don't like is coming home to an empty house. In fact, I think I hate it. When under different circumstances, I would probably enjoy it. But coming home when no one is here makes me think about things even more. I know I've been spending a lot of time at Danny's dorm, which is nice because it's not like I don't like being around any of his friends- they're all nice people and I really feel better being there, being around other people. But being at my house alone all the time at night like this is just eery. Like, my parents should be here with me and they aren't. I worry about my mom, I worry about school, and now I have a new worry to my list.
I know that Danny would get mad at me for writing this because I shouldn't really even know, but his mom wrote him this e-mail that really got to me. Now I'm afraid that I'm making Danny spend too much time with me and I don't want to do that. I don't want to be taking him away from his friends or his family and because he asks me if I'm coming there to visit or whatever, I just thought that he wanted to spend this much time with me. Now I'm second guessing this because of things his mom said. I'm probably just being stupid and overreacting, but I'm just afraid to spend this much time with him because I worry it isn't truly what he wants and I don't even want to make many plans with him this weekend because I don't want to make his family mad at me or maybe they don't even want me around him at all. It's just...of all times, I really need him right now, maybe now more than ever. I wish someone other than me could understand that he just makes me feel safe and like nothing can hurt me and he makes me happy and makes me smile and makes me laugh. That's what's getting me through this right now, because I guarantee that if Danny wasn't around, yes I'd still have my friends, but I would probably be a lot more depressed.
Sorry, had to get that out of my system. Anyway, college has been treating me harshly...SO much homework already. So I'm off to read a bunch of poems, find a poem, find an object, finish ready part of Robinson Crusoe, and define the Enlightenment and what it consists of. Erg.
*Throws herself on bed and sighs*