and it all came crashing down...
yesterday was a pretty awful day. Id say it was probably the 2nd worst day of my life.
The shity-ness began when I was leaving work. Our parking garage is the most terrible designed structure that has ever been built. It has the huge pillars that you have to park next to and a lot of time you come really close to scraping the shit out of your car. Well yesterday I didn't just come close. I scratched it. Most of its paint but there are a few pretty deep scratches.
I was so pissed. I opened my car door and screamed and cursed and kicked the pillar.
I had no idea how much worse my day was going to get.
So I go over to Justin's house after dinner just like I do every other day. Of course when I get there him and his dad are watching football and baseball at the same time (picture n picture)
So to entertain myself I get on the computer. Do my same old routine, check the myspace and facebook. You know the drill.
And Justin gets an i.m. from some chick named abbi.
and I see that the last thing she said to him was
"Wait, don't you have a girlfriend?"
and I thought, "oh fuck. this can't be good"
So I wait until Justin gets up and goes into the kitchen
and I scroll up and read the rest of his conversation.
and my entire fucking world came crashing down.
I read him saying to her "Ive been thinking about it. If you came here, or I went over there (Dallas) we would end up fooling around. Dont pretend like it wouldn't happen."
I read that and I walked into the bathroom and balled like a fucking baby. I have always had 100% complete trust in Justin. Always. Even when he was flirting with that stupid bitch at that party I knew he wouldn't ever actually do anything.
But here I was
Reading his words
Telling some other girl that they were gunna fool around
I wanted to fucking die.
So I composed myself and walked out of the bathroom and sat down. I was shaking.
We were waiting for his friend Nick to stop by so he could buy some weed.
I wanted to talk to Justin alone so I waited forever for his friend to show up.
The entire time I was sitting there I was thinking "I'm gunna vomit. I'm gunna vomit. I'm gunna fucking murder him. I'm gunna vomit" I felt so sick to my stomach.
Finally his friend left and Justin said he was going to go to sleep and I asked him to walk me out because I wasn't feeling well.
I didn't know what I was gunna say.
He knew the second we walked out the door that I was pissed at him
and I asked him who abbi was.
and he played dumb
and I told him I wasn't snooping but I saw the words "Wait, don't you have a girlfriend?"
and I got curious and scrolled up
and I told him how I read about how he and this chick we're gunna fool around
and how there would be lots of hair
and I couldn't keep from crying.
His explanation was that he was talking to this chick to try and hook him up with his friend Michael (which I do remember his saying a while back) and that a while into that she admitted to liking him and a couple months back he was considering cheating on me but decided he could never go through with it and has just been leading this girl on because he didn't want to hurt her.
He said he felt like a huge asshole, which he is, he's really sorry.
I don't know how I feel. I really don't. I want to believe what he says, but he is the one that said they would fool around. If it would have been her that said that and he agreed I might be more inclined to believe him.
But he said it.
"Ive been thinking about it. If you came here, or I went over there (Dallas) we would end up fooling around. Dont pretend like it wouldn't happen."
I just keep seeing it over and over in my head.
I could hardly sleep last night. I'm heartbroken.
I don't know what to believe.
We will see how this plays out.
The shity-ness began when I was leaving work. Our parking garage is the most terrible designed structure that has ever been built. It has the huge pillars that you have to park next to and a lot of time you come really close to scraping the shit out of your car. Well yesterday I didn't just come close. I scratched it. Most of its paint but there are a few pretty deep scratches.
I was so pissed. I opened my car door and screamed and cursed and kicked the pillar.
I had no idea how much worse my day was going to get.
So I go over to Justin's house after dinner just like I do every other day. Of course when I get there him and his dad are watching football and baseball at the same time (picture n picture)
So to entertain myself I get on the computer. Do my same old routine, check the myspace and facebook. You know the drill.
And Justin gets an i.m. from some chick named abbi.
and I see that the last thing she said to him was
"Wait, don't you have a girlfriend?"
and I thought, "oh fuck. this can't be good"
So I wait until Justin gets up and goes into the kitchen
and I scroll up and read the rest of his conversation.
and my entire fucking world came crashing down.
I read him saying to her "Ive been thinking about it. If you came here, or I went over there (Dallas) we would end up fooling around. Dont pretend like it wouldn't happen."
I read that and I walked into the bathroom and balled like a fucking baby. I have always had 100% complete trust in Justin. Always. Even when he was flirting with that stupid bitch at that party I knew he wouldn't ever actually do anything.
But here I was
Reading his words
Telling some other girl that they were gunna fool around
I wanted to fucking die.
So I composed myself and walked out of the bathroom and sat down. I was shaking.
We were waiting for his friend Nick to stop by so he could buy some weed.
I wanted to talk to Justin alone so I waited forever for his friend to show up.
The entire time I was sitting there I was thinking "I'm gunna vomit. I'm gunna vomit. I'm gunna fucking murder him. I'm gunna vomit" I felt so sick to my stomach.
Finally his friend left and Justin said he was going to go to sleep and I asked him to walk me out because I wasn't feeling well.
I didn't know what I was gunna say.
He knew the second we walked out the door that I was pissed at him
and I asked him who abbi was.
and he played dumb
and I told him I wasn't snooping but I saw the words "Wait, don't you have a girlfriend?"
and I got curious and scrolled up
and I told him how I read about how he and this chick we're gunna fool around
and how there would be lots of hair
and I couldn't keep from crying.
His explanation was that he was talking to this chick to try and hook him up with his friend Michael (which I do remember his saying a while back) and that a while into that she admitted to liking him and a couple months back he was considering cheating on me but decided he could never go through with it and has just been leading this girl on because he didn't want to hurt her.
He said he felt like a huge asshole, which he is, he's really sorry.
I don't know how I feel. I really don't. I want to believe what he says, but he is the one that said they would fool around. If it would have been her that said that and he agreed I might be more inclined to believe him.
But he said it.
"Ive been thinking about it. If you came here, or I went over there (Dallas) we would end up fooling around. Dont pretend like it wouldn't happen."
I just keep seeing it over and over in my head.
I could hardly sleep last night. I'm heartbroken.
I don't know what to believe.
We will see how this plays out.