are you just like me?
i think a lot has happened? i don't know. ok... went to the second trivia competition - i guess it's my recent depression or something, but i just did horribly - it was embarrassing, i just couldn't assert myself or confidently know answers, let alone buzz in with them - so we'll see what happens, if i'm still on the championship team. i couldn't allow myself to be detached, either, during tonight's event - i was way too harsh on myself.
then the poet and i returned to my apartment, watched little britain and jeopardy with roomie, then we went next door for a little get-together. i drank a bit of jack daniels and southern comfort, and suddenly these wonderful twinks were over, my neighbor's high school friends, i think? i don't even know. but lordy was it fun charming and being charmed - especially since there was magically an acoustic guitar lying around the room. sigh.
sadly, though, they had to leave early. then out of nowhere, NN appeared from his bedroom - apparently he'd been sleeping - or listening - the entire time. there were a few moments of us sitting close together and touching, sort of, but nothing like what used to happen in the backseats of cars, and i'm finally feeling strengthened in my decision not to pursue/stick my neck out for him. he is very much not ready, and i doubt he would ever be, for open male love. he would most definitely be just like the others of that type, for whom i'd spent three hellish years chopping my fingers in a blender.
so i had the guitar again, and some of us had a little singalong - you know, lynyrd skynyrd, bob dylan, guns n roses - don't laugh, i know how to play some songs, yes - how the fuck else am i supposed to make friends around here?? well it was fun.
THEN i came back, around 2:30 am, and suddenly decided to embark on a nightdrive. what a beautiful decision. on the way out i suddenly went "OH!" turned around, went up to my apartment, and dug out smashing pumpkins "mellon collie and the infinite sadness," my adolescence's ULTIMATE night-wandering album.
i must say the album ages well... teen angst and stupid lyrics notwithstanding, he still sounded damn good, and yes, some parts of the album were even really beautiful - especially my longtime personal favorites, the final soft songs on disc 2 - sigh.
and i've discovered/fallen completely in love with a new highway: route 322 - gorgeous!
oh! and i had a moment of aesthetic rapture: disc 2, track 4 was ending just as the dark trees ended, and suddenly i was driving down this rise of earth, with industrial park/suburbia lights spread across below, and track 5 just starting, you know what it is, "1979!" and it fit the exact image i'd always had in my teenage mind, of "1979." beautiful. i sang so loud.
then the poet and i returned to my apartment, watched little britain and jeopardy with roomie, then we went next door for a little get-together. i drank a bit of jack daniels and southern comfort, and suddenly these wonderful twinks were over, my neighbor's high school friends, i think? i don't even know. but lordy was it fun charming and being charmed - especially since there was magically an acoustic guitar lying around the room. sigh.
sadly, though, they had to leave early. then out of nowhere, NN appeared from his bedroom - apparently he'd been sleeping - or listening - the entire time. there were a few moments of us sitting close together and touching, sort of, but nothing like what used to happen in the backseats of cars, and i'm finally feeling strengthened in my decision not to pursue/stick my neck out for him. he is very much not ready, and i doubt he would ever be, for open male love. he would most definitely be just like the others of that type, for whom i'd spent three hellish years chopping my fingers in a blender.
so i had the guitar again, and some of us had a little singalong - you know, lynyrd skynyrd, bob dylan, guns n roses - don't laugh, i know how to play some songs, yes - how the fuck else am i supposed to make friends around here?? well it was fun.
THEN i came back, around 2:30 am, and suddenly decided to embark on a nightdrive. what a beautiful decision. on the way out i suddenly went "OH!" turned around, went up to my apartment, and dug out smashing pumpkins "mellon collie and the infinite sadness," my adolescence's ULTIMATE night-wandering album.
i must say the album ages well... teen angst and stupid lyrics notwithstanding, he still sounded damn good, and yes, some parts of the album were even really beautiful - especially my longtime personal favorites, the final soft songs on disc 2 - sigh.
and i've discovered/fallen completely in love with a new highway: route 322 - gorgeous!
oh! and i had a moment of aesthetic rapture: disc 2, track 4 was ending just as the dark trees ended, and suddenly i was driving down this rise of earth, with industrial park/suburbia lights spread across below, and track 5 just starting, you know what it is, "1979!" and it fit the exact image i'd always had in my teenage mind, of "1979." beautiful. i sang so loud.