"How'dja like some ice cream, doc?"
wow, i've been so busy and productive lately... looking back i'm shocked to be able to say "sorry, i've been busy," to friends and such... that's something i've never done before. eh, i can see good and bad in it.
so halloween was making me so sad, for many reasons.
1.) i still feel robbed of my autumn, and therefore unable to enjoy halloween. this includes, and is mostly limited to, nowadays, horror movies up the ass.
2.) which brings me to my next point: that's all halloween is for me, anymore. no more slutty costumes, no more crossdressing, makeup, leather garments - can you believe i actually used to?!?! and that i want to again!?!? but that i now hate my body!?!?! which was so hot when i was 18?!?!? and parties - damn, i had some amazing halloween goth/dance parties in high school.
3.) this came to me, as i was driving through campus, about 10 pm after my night classes were done, i was looking at all the pretty people, and mulling over exactly how kinky the entire concept of costume is - the whole idea of uniform regulating one's everyday existence, and costume therefore being this kind of erection pushing out against the pants - all this as two boys walked down the sidewalk in trojan costumes, bare arms, legs, and one pec each - well, when i arrived at wawa, it just dawned on me, the simple bare essence of my sadness, this halloween: I AM ALONE.
anyway i returned to the apartment with my Lonely Man Who Can't Cook sandwich, and the peeps were there. two went out, thus leaving literary roomie and me to watch the shining, which of course, no matter how many times i've seen it, still makes love to me exactly the way i want it.
damn! i'm so inspired now, especially since my last work, "how the world looks," relies so heavily on the shining, much more heavily than i'd even known while writing it.
in other news, my new blatant outness is having tiny subtle repercussions that only a hawklike fucker such as myself would pick up. things such as me watching my roommate eat a bagette, and knowing as he's launching into wordgames, what's coming, and hearing him cut himself off. subtle things like that. but i'm so very good at pretending to have zoned out - which i did, my mind jumped ahead of him and so i became very engrossed in the tv, about two seconds before he came to it.
in any event nothing happened. but that is one of the true reasons i'd always hesitated to let them fully, explicitly know... believe me, i know they are, relative to just about all of america, very damned good about that sort of thing - it's just that i knew such a stipulation would bring this new and heavy policing to the apartment, and i damn well didn't want to bring that. for this i have nothing to resent but my culture, and that always brings one results, doesn't it? ;)
so halloween was making me so sad, for many reasons.
1.) i still feel robbed of my autumn, and therefore unable to enjoy halloween. this includes, and is mostly limited to, nowadays, horror movies up the ass.
2.) which brings me to my next point: that's all halloween is for me, anymore. no more slutty costumes, no more crossdressing, makeup, leather garments - can you believe i actually used to?!?! and that i want to again!?!? but that i now hate my body!?!?! which was so hot when i was 18?!?!? and parties - damn, i had some amazing halloween goth/dance parties in high school.
3.) this came to me, as i was driving through campus, about 10 pm after my night classes were done, i was looking at all the pretty people, and mulling over exactly how kinky the entire concept of costume is - the whole idea of uniform regulating one's everyday existence, and costume therefore being this kind of erection pushing out against the pants - all this as two boys walked down the sidewalk in trojan costumes, bare arms, legs, and one pec each - well, when i arrived at wawa, it just dawned on me, the simple bare essence of my sadness, this halloween: I AM ALONE.
anyway i returned to the apartment with my Lonely Man Who Can't Cook sandwich, and the peeps were there. two went out, thus leaving literary roomie and me to watch the shining, which of course, no matter how many times i've seen it, still makes love to me exactly the way i want it.
damn! i'm so inspired now, especially since my last work, "how the world looks," relies so heavily on the shining, much more heavily than i'd even known while writing it.
in other news, my new blatant outness is having tiny subtle repercussions that only a hawklike fucker such as myself would pick up. things such as me watching my roommate eat a bagette, and knowing as he's launching into wordgames, what's coming, and hearing him cut himself off. subtle things like that. but i'm so very good at pretending to have zoned out - which i did, my mind jumped ahead of him and so i became very engrossed in the tv, about two seconds before he came to it.
in any event nothing happened. but that is one of the true reasons i'd always hesitated to let them fully, explicitly know... believe me, i know they are, relative to just about all of america, very damned good about that sort of thing - it's just that i knew such a stipulation would bring this new and heavy policing to the apartment, and i damn well didn't want to bring that. for this i have nothing to resent but my culture, and that always brings one results, doesn't it? ;)