"The way school needs teachers, the way Kathy Lee needs Regis- thats the way I need Jesus."
Sometimes I hate being a teenager. Sometimes I really really detest it. I hate knowing how many big decisions I have coming up, and I hate all of the drama and I hate how immature people can be.
But at the same time, I love how intense everything is. I love how I can be really passionate about something or someone but life still goes on when it's over because I'm young enough to get over it. I love experiencing things for the first time and knowing that there's some much more left out there for me.
On the cover of City Year's application it says "Young enough to want to change the world, Old enough to do it." Some days I really do feel like I can change the world. And other days I wake up and feel frustrated that no one really takes me seriously (if you only knew the number of Jessica Simpson comparisons...)
I'm not enjoying this whole applying to college thing. I dont even know if I want to go to college. Maybe I want to work, or do City Year or I dont know what... I just dont know if college is what I want. But who doesn't go to college? In Walpole, EVERYONE goes. So it would be so taboo not to. Not that that would stop me, it's just that no one would understand.
But then again, I DO want to go to college. I want the experience and the degree would be good in the future.
Part of me wishes life was like the 50s TV shows (meets 7th Heaven), so I could meet some boy when I was little and marry him when I'm 18 and have a whole load of kids and read the bible to them every night and cook big dinners and be one of the "classroom mom"s and what not. Call me unmotivated, as many feminists have done in past history classes when the subject of the 50s came up, but I would be happy. And I guess that's the whole point, isn't it?
I'm not expecting this to be coherent in the least, I just have been thinking about everything a lot lately. And about my own happiness. And why I'm not. And about the future. And my friends. And my faith. And my family. It's all so confusing.
Sometimes I just feel like I should be doing something different. But I dont know what or why.
When high school ends in 6 months, I have to make my own decisions about my life and what the hell I'm doing instead of going to school because I have to. I dont know if I'm ready for that.
But at the same time, I love how intense everything is. I love how I can be really passionate about something or someone but life still goes on when it's over because I'm young enough to get over it. I love experiencing things for the first time and knowing that there's some much more left out there for me.
On the cover of City Year's application it says "Young enough to want to change the world, Old enough to do it." Some days I really do feel like I can change the world. And other days I wake up and feel frustrated that no one really takes me seriously (if you only knew the number of Jessica Simpson comparisons...)
I'm not enjoying this whole applying to college thing. I dont even know if I want to go to college. Maybe I want to work, or do City Year or I dont know what... I just dont know if college is what I want. But who doesn't go to college? In Walpole, EVERYONE goes. So it would be so taboo not to. Not that that would stop me, it's just that no one would understand.
But then again, I DO want to go to college. I want the experience and the degree would be good in the future.
Part of me wishes life was like the 50s TV shows (meets 7th Heaven), so I could meet some boy when I was little and marry him when I'm 18 and have a whole load of kids and read the bible to them every night and cook big dinners and be one of the "classroom mom"s and what not. Call me unmotivated, as many feminists have done in past history classes when the subject of the 50s came up, but I would be happy. And I guess that's the whole point, isn't it?
I'm not expecting this to be coherent in the least, I just have been thinking about everything a lot lately. And about my own happiness. And why I'm not. And about the future. And my friends. And my faith. And my family. It's all so confusing.
Sometimes I just feel like I should be doing something different. But I dont know what or why.
When high school ends in 6 months, I have to make my own decisions about my life and what the hell I'm doing instead of going to school because I have to. I dont know if I'm ready for that.