2011
Life is hard...I know it's been said a thousand times but I say it again to make a point. Life isn't easy, in fact it's quite complicated. I mean aside from the fact that we're supposed to follow our dreams and our hearts, there are obstacles placed in before us at regular intervals-in some cases those intervals our ourselves. It turns out we are our own worst enemies.
Now before you freat, everything is fine! Actually everything is fantastic, it sounds odd that I'm sitting here writing this at 11:33pm on a Sunday evening before I have to go to work bright and early tomorrow, but the thoughts are there so I'm choosing to voice them. Truth is I'm happier than I have been in a long time, my mum (always the dork) tried to set me up with this super sweet guy who was 26, previously divorced and had a kid. Now don't get me wrong I have nothing against divorced men, or women, nor their children but there's a boat load of baggage that comes with those sort of relationships to begin with, I'm just a kid (well not really I'll be 22 in September) but I'm still just a kid at heart, I'm not ready for what comes with all of that. My mum said to hang out with him even if it's just someone to hang out with for the summer. I chose to play hard to get, but in truth I wasn't interested.
I found this cool piece of flair on facebook that says "Single DOES NOT always mean available." And I discovered that's what has come to define me. That sentence. I said earlier that I'm bisexual-something I probably should have known back in high school, perhaps even middle school when various situations arose, all the signs were there but I never really took notice, it took this past school year when I was around a friend of mine and I constantly found myself flirting with her-and enjoying it, a part of me wondering what would I feel if I kissed her, if I held her hand. I didn't do any of those, and no I don't regret it. But at least I figured out who I was-or I'm getting closer. I've realized now that while I may have realized I'm bisexual, I am not, by any means, prepared to date. A wise person once told me you must know yourself before you can get to know someone else. I have to learn how to be me regularly before I can be me around other people.
So, currently, I'm single, and loving every single beautiful moment of it. The other reason I'm single is because in a little under 3 years I plan on moving to Califonia to start a screenwriting career (which many of you reading this are aware of). You'll be happy to know that on that front, I'm doing fantastic as well. In two weeks I've written the first two scripts of my series! I won't eleborate, not that I don't trust all of you, but I'd rather keep you all in suspense. Once I move out to California I'll probably use this journal as more of a "what's going on out west" than fan fiction universe. But until then, I'll stick around and write for you guys as well. But the funny thing is a bunch of people keep telling me that they want to read my script. Now there are certain people that I will gladly hand my script over to, my beloved editors Teachwriteslash and Jessie will always get the first drafts of these scripts. Teach because she has amazing abilities to pull out characters, and if she can get my characters than I'm doing an admirable job. Jessie because she is talented and I love that about her. (PS if you're reading this J I miss ya!)
I can't tell you how proud I am of these two scripts, or the fact that I have four more possible scripts in the works including a mid season 2 parters and a two part season finale that should leave the watchers wondering what next! I truly love writing, I do. I just got a new job and when I'm working all I can do is sit and wish that I was writing. It's a surreal feeling to know that I'm really going to be doing what I've longed to do all my life.
So as I said, I've truly never felt better, sure I have my bad days, and my good days, but I feel strong and confident and those are two emotions that before college, before this year even, I never would have been able to say. I'm me, and for once I know who me is, or at least who me is at the moment. But now I'm faced with bigger things, bigger obstacles. The obstacle is myself.
In December 2008 I will finish my final semester at Mount. Now aside from the obvious, I'll return home to live with my grandparents for the remaining 2 years I have planned before heading out to California. I'll get a car. Between now and May of 2009 my goals are clear, finish college, get a decent grade on my senior project, obtain a steady and decent paying job for PR somewhere, and continue writing, save money, lease my first car, go to Disney World (maybe manage London-though probably not until 2010). That's all simple enough, then on Mother's day of 2009 I'll return to Mount and walk across the stage, accept my diploma and offically join the leagues of the "Poor Post Grad students who don't have a clue what they should do with a BA in english"-it's a long name but we're a proud few.
From May 2009-August 2009 my goals are equally as clear, continue to save money, meet Jessie (hopefully not for the first time.) Meeting Megan, and enjoy the time I have with my friends before I leave. (it hits me now as I write this that this is my final real summer vacation, after this there isn't one anymore...that sorta sucks can I hit the stop button on the growing up switch!?). August of 2009 to June of 2011 I will attend online courses for Writer's Boot Camp, while working to gather my first years worth of rent for California (hopefully foregoing my college payments for 22 months but maybe not). The goal is that somewhere between January 2011 and August of 2011 I will move to California.
And there's the obstacle-will I go? I mean sure right now I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that in 2011 between January and August (more likely around March 2011) I will leave my home in Columbus and hit the big city of Los Angeles for the very first time, where I will be alone (well unless Jessie meets me then of course I won't be alone but we haven't gotten the arrival part down quite yet). But today is June 2008, I'm three years away from that. When the time comes will I be able to look at my grandparents who have nutured, loved, cared and cuddled me for the past 24 years and say goodbye? Will I be able to look at them knowing I may only see them a few more times between now and the time they leave me. Will I be able to say goodbye to my aunt and uncle who are more like my brother and sister? Because that's what I'm doing, on one hand I'm not the person they know-but they're the people I've always known, the constants in my life. I'd like to think it's because of them that I can do this-that I will do this. But when that day comes-will they have what it takes, will Lauren, Lila, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, my aunt and uncle, mother, Melissa will they be able to give me hugs and tell me to leave while i still can? Because I'd like to think they could but it scares me.
I suppose on some level this is a rational fear-fearing the unknown, not knowing what I'm really going to face. Let's face it the likelihood that I'll have a winner right out of the gate is slim, I'm goign to have to work my way up through the ranks (and not Captain Jack style). Sure I hope to have a job waiting when I get there, as well as an apartment (which hoepfully meg and her parents will help us secure and look over). I hope to have a roommate (Jessie) when I get there. I have hundreds of hopes and dreams but I feel the fear as well, it's a good fear but It's there. Will I really be able to say goodbye, will Jessie. We're strong enough for this-right?
My professor told me last year the people who make it are the ones who take the risk, and really give up everything just to write. That's what I'm going to do-this is a big risk, my entire family has acknowledge that, but the weird thing is every single one of them is 100% behind me. They believe in me, like REALLY believe in me. It's not if I get this job or that job. It's oh when we see your name we'll be so proud. And I'm not afarid of letting them down, because I have what it takes. Rather it's the fear of leaving everything I know and love behind and moving my ass miles and miles away from all that I know and love to another state. (thank god meg is there! And that Jessie will probably be there!)
I want to do what RTD has done for Britian for America. I want to open our eyes a little more, I don't want to stun them and make everyone drop dead, but I want the sci fi viewers to really get what a lot of them seem to want. I want to give the viewers something to look forward to oen night out of the week. I want to know that when I turn on the Sci Fi Channel that I'll see my name under CREATED BY, and I'd love to see Jessie as my co-write (which she knows)
That's what makes me less frightened, the idea that all of it could be mine. I dunno-I need to go to bed! Update for TW tomorrow, promise!
Now before you freat, everything is fine! Actually everything is fantastic, it sounds odd that I'm sitting here writing this at 11:33pm on a Sunday evening before I have to go to work bright and early tomorrow, but the thoughts are there so I'm choosing to voice them. Truth is I'm happier than I have been in a long time, my mum (always the dork) tried to set me up with this super sweet guy who was 26, previously divorced and had a kid. Now don't get me wrong I have nothing against divorced men, or women, nor their children but there's a boat load of baggage that comes with those sort of relationships to begin with, I'm just a kid (well not really I'll be 22 in September) but I'm still just a kid at heart, I'm not ready for what comes with all of that. My mum said to hang out with him even if it's just someone to hang out with for the summer. I chose to play hard to get, but in truth I wasn't interested.
I found this cool piece of flair on facebook that says "Single DOES NOT always mean available." And I discovered that's what has come to define me. That sentence. I said earlier that I'm bisexual-something I probably should have known back in high school, perhaps even middle school when various situations arose, all the signs were there but I never really took notice, it took this past school year when I was around a friend of mine and I constantly found myself flirting with her-and enjoying it, a part of me wondering what would I feel if I kissed her, if I held her hand. I didn't do any of those, and no I don't regret it. But at least I figured out who I was-or I'm getting closer. I've realized now that while I may have realized I'm bisexual, I am not, by any means, prepared to date. A wise person once told me you must know yourself before you can get to know someone else. I have to learn how to be me regularly before I can be me around other people.
So, currently, I'm single, and loving every single beautiful moment of it. The other reason I'm single is because in a little under 3 years I plan on moving to Califonia to start a screenwriting career (which many of you reading this are aware of). You'll be happy to know that on that front, I'm doing fantastic as well. In two weeks I've written the first two scripts of my series! I won't eleborate, not that I don't trust all of you, but I'd rather keep you all in suspense. Once I move out to California I'll probably use this journal as more of a "what's going on out west" than fan fiction universe. But until then, I'll stick around and write for you guys as well. But the funny thing is a bunch of people keep telling me that they want to read my script. Now there are certain people that I will gladly hand my script over to, my beloved editors Teachwriteslash and Jessie will always get the first drafts of these scripts. Teach because she has amazing abilities to pull out characters, and if she can get my characters than I'm doing an admirable job. Jessie because she is talented and I love that about her. (PS if you're reading this J I miss ya!)
I can't tell you how proud I am of these two scripts, or the fact that I have four more possible scripts in the works including a mid season 2 parters and a two part season finale that should leave the watchers wondering what next! I truly love writing, I do. I just got a new job and when I'm working all I can do is sit and wish that I was writing. It's a surreal feeling to know that I'm really going to be doing what I've longed to do all my life.
So as I said, I've truly never felt better, sure I have my bad days, and my good days, but I feel strong and confident and those are two emotions that before college, before this year even, I never would have been able to say. I'm me, and for once I know who me is, or at least who me is at the moment. But now I'm faced with bigger things, bigger obstacles. The obstacle is myself.
In December 2008 I will finish my final semester at Mount. Now aside from the obvious, I'll return home to live with my grandparents for the remaining 2 years I have planned before heading out to California. I'll get a car. Between now and May of 2009 my goals are clear, finish college, get a decent grade on my senior project, obtain a steady and decent paying job for PR somewhere, and continue writing, save money, lease my first car, go to Disney World (maybe manage London-though probably not until 2010). That's all simple enough, then on Mother's day of 2009 I'll return to Mount and walk across the stage, accept my diploma and offically join the leagues of the "Poor Post Grad students who don't have a clue what they should do with a BA in english"-it's a long name but we're a proud few.
From May 2009-August 2009 my goals are equally as clear, continue to save money, meet Jessie (hopefully not for the first time.) Meeting Megan, and enjoy the time I have with my friends before I leave. (it hits me now as I write this that this is my final real summer vacation, after this there isn't one anymore...that sorta sucks can I hit the stop button on the growing up switch!?). August of 2009 to June of 2011 I will attend online courses for Writer's Boot Camp, while working to gather my first years worth of rent for California (hopefully foregoing my college payments for 22 months but maybe not). The goal is that somewhere between January 2011 and August of 2011 I will move to California.
And there's the obstacle-will I go? I mean sure right now I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that in 2011 between January and August (more likely around March 2011) I will leave my home in Columbus and hit the big city of Los Angeles for the very first time, where I will be alone (well unless Jessie meets me then of course I won't be alone but we haven't gotten the arrival part down quite yet). But today is June 2008, I'm three years away from that. When the time comes will I be able to look at my grandparents who have nutured, loved, cared and cuddled me for the past 24 years and say goodbye? Will I be able to look at them knowing I may only see them a few more times between now and the time they leave me. Will I be able to say goodbye to my aunt and uncle who are more like my brother and sister? Because that's what I'm doing, on one hand I'm not the person they know-but they're the people I've always known, the constants in my life. I'd like to think it's because of them that I can do this-that I will do this. But when that day comes-will they have what it takes, will Lauren, Lila, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, my aunt and uncle, mother, Melissa will they be able to give me hugs and tell me to leave while i still can? Because I'd like to think they could but it scares me.
I suppose on some level this is a rational fear-fearing the unknown, not knowing what I'm really going to face. Let's face it the likelihood that I'll have a winner right out of the gate is slim, I'm goign to have to work my way up through the ranks (and not Captain Jack style). Sure I hope to have a job waiting when I get there, as well as an apartment (which hoepfully meg and her parents will help us secure and look over). I hope to have a roommate (Jessie) when I get there. I have hundreds of hopes and dreams but I feel the fear as well, it's a good fear but It's there. Will I really be able to say goodbye, will Jessie. We're strong enough for this-right?
My professor told me last year the people who make it are the ones who take the risk, and really give up everything just to write. That's what I'm going to do-this is a big risk, my entire family has acknowledge that, but the weird thing is every single one of them is 100% behind me. They believe in me, like REALLY believe in me. It's not if I get this job or that job. It's oh when we see your name we'll be so proud. And I'm not afarid of letting them down, because I have what it takes. Rather it's the fear of leaving everything I know and love behind and moving my ass miles and miles away from all that I know and love to another state. (thank god meg is there! And that Jessie will probably be there!)
I want to do what RTD has done for Britian for America. I want to open our eyes a little more, I don't want to stun them and make everyone drop dead, but I want the sci fi viewers to really get what a lot of them seem to want. I want to give the viewers something to look forward to oen night out of the week. I want to know that when I turn on the Sci Fi Channel that I'll see my name under CREATED BY, and I'd love to see Jessie as my co-write (which she knows)
That's what makes me less frightened, the idea that all of it could be mine. I dunno-I need to go to bed! Update for TW tomorrow, promise!