Late nights
Been a long time since I've been here--and I'm not sure what has brought it. 2am... am I rewinding? And you, in time, funny because we were never really "where we are" when we were together--I've met someone new and watching you floundering is possibly the worst thing I could see at this time.... For once in my life, I am subjected to the aftermath--recognizing a situation in which I will try--but really, activate some goodness witihin myself--this is some work to do for a person like me who has steadily avoided connecting with other people for some nearly 30 years of life--and so I don't like to see you falling, trailing the drain so to speak--but it is worse to watch the emotional wreckage take place in my own circle. I suppose I should feel lucky that I have never been at this point before--so that is what I'll try to do. Be lucky, and not bitter at the outcome, finding myself trying to make a new beginning, so used to being alone in everything--will I fall down with this ship? Is letting you into my situation like letting termites onto a sinking ship? I don't want to believe that, but it is difficult at the moment. Past, future, present--dearest, you know I have a problem with time, and isn't that what we were talking about yesterday? Really, I have been present in way I've avoided, and now---is this truth or drama? I don't know what I'm stepping into and I think that that is the worst part of all it.