Light and Dark
Yesterday was amazing. I spoke, for hours, to two close friends whom I hadn't spoken to in months. And both were happy to speak to me, and with both it seemed that our friendship had not decayed! I so fear that. AND it looks as if I may get to see them both before the year is out. But... that's not for certain as of yet, so I'm trying not to get my hopes too high. (Well, Michelle is certain, as she's getting married, and I'm the Maid of Honor. < glows >) But yes... it was WONDERFUL.
Although, I then had another conversation which caused me to worry a bit about Ragnad's owner. But... but I don't know what to do. I don't know that I can say anything that hasn't already been said.
But, then, as I left... I heard music. On a hunch, I peered into the room, a darkened auditorim. There was a band on the stage, and they were praising a god. My God. Filled with joy and worry, I entered in. And Entered in. I'm not entirely certain who the people were or who the band was, but God was there. And I met with Him, and it was very, very good. I felt the seperation that I had railed against slipping away, and I never wanted to leave. I think... I think perhaps I was trying to do too much myself. I'm still not sure how I wandered away, but I've been rescued, though due to nothing that I can see that I've done. I don't know. I need to think about it more, but think about it prayerfully, or I suspect I'll end up chasing my own mental tail again.
And then We went to the empty top of the parking garage, and I stared at the sky and spoke aloud and remembered things, and my heart made vows that I can only try to keep. I rode home in the dusk and humid wind and the vast, vast Peace.
I woke early this morning to the sound of Mary's voice. She was asking me what was wrong. I'd woken her, apparently.
I'd been sobbing in my sleep.
I'd dreamt... It seems as if it was a long dream, but I only remember two bits of it now.
I was alone with a sixty year old who I know in real life. Who waited for me to grow up, then made his intentions clear. Only in the dream, he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. We were physically grappling as I tried to fend him off...
< break >
I am in my driveway at home. Ryan's wife is there. I'm talking to her. She seems nice. Ryan comes. I notice he's doing something. He's grinding a vase that I had given them as a wedding gift. He's smashing it into the driveway. For some reason, it doesn't break easily, but nothing deters him. I stare in horror. He moves on to the crystal wine glasses that I had given him as a wedding gift, singlemindedly breaking one after another, filled with rage and hate. I can't stand it... I scream, and sob, and pummel is chest and shoulders. It is as if I'm not there. Except that he is breaking them only to make me suffer...
Although, I then had another conversation which caused me to worry a bit about Ragnad's owner. But... but I don't know what to do. I don't know that I can say anything that hasn't already been said.
But, then, as I left... I heard music. On a hunch, I peered into the room, a darkened auditorim. There was a band on the stage, and they were praising a god. My God. Filled with joy and worry, I entered in. And Entered in. I'm not entirely certain who the people were or who the band was, but God was there. And I met with Him, and it was very, very good. I felt the seperation that I had railed against slipping away, and I never wanted to leave. I think... I think perhaps I was trying to do too much myself. I'm still not sure how I wandered away, but I've been rescued, though due to nothing that I can see that I've done. I don't know. I need to think about it more, but think about it prayerfully, or I suspect I'll end up chasing my own mental tail again.
And then We went to the empty top of the parking garage, and I stared at the sky and spoke aloud and remembered things, and my heart made vows that I can only try to keep. I rode home in the dusk and humid wind and the vast, vast Peace.
I woke early this morning to the sound of Mary's voice. She was asking me what was wrong. I'd woken her, apparently.
I'd been sobbing in my sleep.
I'd dreamt... It seems as if it was a long dream, but I only remember two bits of it now.
I was alone with a sixty year old who I know in real life. Who waited for me to grow up, then made his intentions clear. Only in the dream, he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. We were physically grappling as I tried to fend him off...
< break >
I am in my driveway at home. Ryan's wife is there. I'm talking to her. She seems nice. Ryan comes. I notice he's doing something. He's grinding a vase that I had given them as a wedding gift. He's smashing it into the driveway. For some reason, it doesn't break easily, but nothing deters him. I stare in horror. He moves on to the crystal wine glasses that I had given him as a wedding gift, singlemindedly breaking one after another, filled with rage and hate. I can't stand it... I scream, and sob, and pummel is chest and shoulders. It is as if I'm not there. Except that he is breaking them only to make me suffer...