I Ain't Settlin' For Anything Less Than Everything
I decided I love October.
It's not as flashy as say December or July, but it's got it's own subtle charm. The brisk chill in the air (not cold enough to make you cry yet), the fire red leaves on trees ignigting the sky, the appropriate-ness of spice cookies (I love a good spice cookie!), pumpkins, and, lately, the possibility of ANOTHER MLB championship coming right here to Boston. (Did you SEE that Manny homerun?!??!)
Me? I'm OK. I'm about as OK as I get nowadays. It's kind of nice. I can't describe it more than that.
Work is OK. It's really the same thing, day in and day out. I guess I can't complain because it's not STRESSFUL really, just repetitive. The girl I share an office with is putting me to shame. She got flowers at work yesterday, and that's like the 347th batch she's gotten since I started working in that office. . .in April. One of the residents I kind of look after (I'm her angel) called me pretty the other day. Really randomly too. I was talking to my other little resident people (my angel people) and she looks at me and goes "You're pretty." It was nice. I think the fact that her glasses are as thick as coke bottles is inconsequential.
Everything in my life is sort of screaming "lower your standards." I'm starting to feel like the reason I'm sad is just that my expectations are waaay too high. Maybe if I just learn to accept that life isn't all wine and roses, maybe I can be happier. But life shouldn't be all cleaning the crap out behind the stove, either. There's the part of me that says I shouldn't have to settle: "You shouldn't have to go the long way because you hate making that left turn in traffic" or "You shouldn't have to only get hit on by 86 year old women with coke bottle glasses" and "You should be able to look at your hair and feel something other than hopelessness". I feel like I've been settling my whole life. It's kind of all I know how to do.
I'm hoping this attitude adjustment helps a little. It did, a lot, but it seems to be fading. It just feels like anything good that happens in my life, ends up either fading slowly into nothing, or there was so much shit that went along with it, it wasn't worth the good. I'm praying I can hold on to this. It's really a sense of hope. . . hope that things will turn out alright. That there's a reason for everything. And even if the reason isn't apparent, it won't really matter too much, because everything worked out the way it should have. Maybe not for the best, but the way it should have.
Either way, I'll keep you posted.
It's not as flashy as say December or July, but it's got it's own subtle charm. The brisk chill in the air (not cold enough to make you cry yet), the fire red leaves on trees ignigting the sky, the appropriate-ness of spice cookies (I love a good spice cookie!), pumpkins, and, lately, the possibility of ANOTHER MLB championship coming right here to Boston. (Did you SEE that Manny homerun?!??!)
Me? I'm OK. I'm about as OK as I get nowadays. It's kind of nice. I can't describe it more than that.
Work is OK. It's really the same thing, day in and day out. I guess I can't complain because it's not STRESSFUL really, just repetitive. The girl I share an office with is putting me to shame. She got flowers at work yesterday, and that's like the 347th batch she's gotten since I started working in that office. . .in April. One of the residents I kind of look after (I'm her angel) called me pretty the other day. Really randomly too. I was talking to my other little resident people (my angel people) and she looks at me and goes "You're pretty." It was nice. I think the fact that her glasses are as thick as coke bottles is inconsequential.
Everything in my life is sort of screaming "lower your standards." I'm starting to feel like the reason I'm sad is just that my expectations are waaay too high. Maybe if I just learn to accept that life isn't all wine and roses, maybe I can be happier. But life shouldn't be all cleaning the crap out behind the stove, either. There's the part of me that says I shouldn't have to settle: "You shouldn't have to go the long way because you hate making that left turn in traffic" or "You shouldn't have to only get hit on by 86 year old women with coke bottle glasses" and "You should be able to look at your hair and feel something other than hopelessness". I feel like I've been settling my whole life. It's kind of all I know how to do.
I'm hoping this attitude adjustment helps a little. It did, a lot, but it seems to be fading. It just feels like anything good that happens in my life, ends up either fading slowly into nothing, or there was so much shit that went along with it, it wasn't worth the good. I'm praying I can hold on to this. It's really a sense of hope. . . hope that things will turn out alright. That there's a reason for everything. And even if the reason isn't apparent, it won't really matter too much, because everything worked out the way it should have. Maybe not for the best, but the way it should have.
Either way, I'll keep you posted.