Yom Kipp-bore
Hellloooo! We have the standard ways of measuring time, like New Years and anniversaries and birthdays, but luckily for us Jews, the Jewish New Year comes smack dab in the middle of nothing, so it gives us one more chance to reflect and maybe start thinking about changing some of the asshole things you do.
That's what Yom Kippur is all about. The thinking is that by not eating all day and not thinking about silly things like eating, and staying alive, and suriving, you can think about all the asshole things you did in the past year and maybe think of ways to change them and repent for them. All I know is that Food Network was DEFINITELY invented before Yom Kippur, because watching that on Yom Kippur is like Chinese water torture.
This year has been a challenging one. Not in an entirely bad way, not in an entirely good way. I've made a lot of mistakes that will probably haunt me for years to come, but I've learned from them. Like, I never, ever, ever in a billion, trillion years want to be in a nursing home (Seriously, just stick me in the bed part of Bed, Bath and Beyond. . .I'll survive). And I now no longer have a debilitating fear of anyone over 70. . . now I just ignore them like I do with everyone else (Kidding. Have to put that disclaimer in, I just feel dirty not doing it). I got a better job, but I still need to figure out where I'm going from here (This may sound stupid, but I've heard from a few people that data entry just wears you out after awhile. . .I've been doing it 4 months and I'm starting to see why). I'm in the best shape of my life; I did a mile on the treadmil on a 5.0 incline in only 12:52. That may not be my fastest time, but it has to be pretty damn close, AND I ran a total of 1.5 miles outside Thursday. How fucking crazy is that? Last year, I couldn't even walk to the mailbox. I've worked my ass off, lost 53ish pounds, and finally showed myself that if I put my mind to something, I can do it.
That may not seem like a huge deal to an average person, but for some reason I had every ounce of self esteem beaten out of me (I'm not really sure why, but I have a few ideas. . .). Last year around this time, before I got in shape, it all kind of hit me at once. I don't know if I've talked about it in here, and don't worry, I won't now, but I was in rough shape last year. And looking back on it from this vantage point, way up here with the normal, self respecting people, it was about as rock bottom as someone can get. From way down there you can't even realize how bad it is (right, Britney?), but luckily I got out of my funk and managed to gain back some semblence of a self esteem. The funk may come back in a moment of foggy-headed-ness, but for the most part, things are better. I'm grateful for that.
I just realized that you probably don't give a shit about any of this. But this feeling doesn't come around very often (in case, you haven't noticed, with my last two entries avoiding the subject of me entirely). Let's call this moving forward with my life. If you've spent any amount of time longer than 12 seconds with me, you'd know I dwell on the past. The bad stuff, most obsessively. But that's not ok. Learning from your mistakes is ok. Dwelling on them is not. I just have to have faith that everything happens for a reason. As surely as the bad things come, the good things will come in time too. Good will come. Maybe I'll run a marathon one day, maybe I'll find a job that I'm passionate about, maybe I'll win the lottery, maybe I'll change someone's life for the better, maybe, just maybe, I'll find someone who thinks my love of sticky notes and sharpies and dislike for highway driving and making left turns is charming.
Maybe : ).
That's what Yom Kippur is all about. The thinking is that by not eating all day and not thinking about silly things like eating, and staying alive, and suriving, you can think about all the asshole things you did in the past year and maybe think of ways to change them and repent for them. All I know is that Food Network was DEFINITELY invented before Yom Kippur, because watching that on Yom Kippur is like Chinese water torture.
This year has been a challenging one. Not in an entirely bad way, not in an entirely good way. I've made a lot of mistakes that will probably haunt me for years to come, but I've learned from them. Like, I never, ever, ever in a billion, trillion years want to be in a nursing home (Seriously, just stick me in the bed part of Bed, Bath and Beyond. . .I'll survive). And I now no longer have a debilitating fear of anyone over 70. . . now I just ignore them like I do with everyone else (Kidding. Have to put that disclaimer in, I just feel dirty not doing it). I got a better job, but I still need to figure out where I'm going from here (This may sound stupid, but I've heard from a few people that data entry just wears you out after awhile. . .I've been doing it 4 months and I'm starting to see why). I'm in the best shape of my life; I did a mile on the treadmil on a 5.0 incline in only 12:52. That may not be my fastest time, but it has to be pretty damn close, AND I ran a total of 1.5 miles outside Thursday. How fucking crazy is that? Last year, I couldn't even walk to the mailbox. I've worked my ass off, lost 53ish pounds, and finally showed myself that if I put my mind to something, I can do it.
That may not seem like a huge deal to an average person, but for some reason I had every ounce of self esteem beaten out of me (I'm not really sure why, but I have a few ideas. . .). Last year around this time, before I got in shape, it all kind of hit me at once. I don't know if I've talked about it in here, and don't worry, I won't now, but I was in rough shape last year. And looking back on it from this vantage point, way up here with the normal, self respecting people, it was about as rock bottom as someone can get. From way down there you can't even realize how bad it is (right, Britney?), but luckily I got out of my funk and managed to gain back some semblence of a self esteem. The funk may come back in a moment of foggy-headed-ness, but for the most part, things are better. I'm grateful for that.
I just realized that you probably don't give a shit about any of this. But this feeling doesn't come around very often (in case, you haven't noticed, with my last two entries avoiding the subject of me entirely). Let's call this moving forward with my life. If you've spent any amount of time longer than 12 seconds with me, you'd know I dwell on the past. The bad stuff, most obsessively. But that's not ok. Learning from your mistakes is ok. Dwelling on them is not. I just have to have faith that everything happens for a reason. As surely as the bad things come, the good things will come in time too. Good will come. Maybe I'll run a marathon one day, maybe I'll find a job that I'm passionate about, maybe I'll win the lottery, maybe I'll change someone's life for the better, maybe, just maybe, I'll find someone who thinks my love of sticky notes and sharpies and dislike for highway driving and making left turns is charming.
Maybe : ).