so, i'll probably regret this...

[and_i_kiss_you]

I don't think I've ever actually been exposed to this feeling as much as I have in such a little span of time. I've always been a hopeful person, possibly too hopeful, but my hope gets shot down consistently lately. And, in turn, shooting the hope- shoots right through me. (Scraping my heart a little, at least.) And by lately, I mean for the past year, but bluntly open signs within the last few months. Sometimes I wake up the next morning feeling like it's a new day with sunlight to shine and help my leaves of hope to bloom, but... some days are rainy. and some are cold. and I'm already starting to feel the beginning affects of winter. I'm losing hope. I'm losing myself.
At the same time, I feel like I'm facing myself within another human.
I've acknowledged this, and it just reminds me of how much I hate myself.
Yet I adore just the same. You are what I'm not. (and what I wish I was)
But you remind me of myself so [goddamn] much.
I need some, water.

On another note: I've got a knot in my stomach. Don't try to fool me.