25weeks ago: last update
I saw pictures of years ago when she was happy with me. I remember that smile and how she was sitting in my lap on that wood chair in her dinning room in front of her computer. I find it funny now how I thought after three years and more that I still knew her. I thought of how she used me as a safety net during a hard time in her life. How she filled me with false hope when she slept over that first night and told me that she still felt comfortable with me and that she finally admited that she missed me. How she's with someone new and that's why she droped me completely again. I also remember how we went to dinner one of those nights and how she told me that I didn't change at all from what she remembered. Well, I guess she didn't remember saying over and over how she loved me. I guess she forgot that I remembered those were her offical parting words to me... "I ..... that's why I can't do this anymore." Yeah, I might not of been what you wanted now. I may not of changed from the boy you left three years ago... but I was still fucking human. I have a heart... it still belonged to you. Now I will give it away no more. I hate that recent tears have been for you. I wish some of these words reach you but I know they won't. I wish I could hate you but I don't. So, this is me finally giving up but hating myself for it cause I always end up giving you what you want, my dearest heartless.