Life-aches
Life hurts all over and all around. Why is it that we are given problems that we cannot solve? I can handle challenges cause there is a solution. But I can't handle the problems that just keep me in the dust.
Let's just say this:
I hurt physically cause of riding a horse that has a bouncy canter so to speak who is off balance. No matter what I do to relax, it's utterly difficult. So, this increases the swelling. So, I've been in severe pain for 2 weeks. Doctor? hell.. WHEN!?! I'm booked with classes and time.
Some of the classmates have been real asses and just emotionless bitches. One of these days I'm gonna snap on them. I almost did last weekend at an event - the Iowa Horse Fair in Des Moines. They were just bitchy and growly the whole weekend! Drove me nuts! I felt like I was worthless in performing the normal duties. When I did need help, didn't get it. When I didn't need help, they just did shit for me when I didn't ask nor did they ask me if I needed help. Pisses me off when I feel insignificant. People need to learn boundries.
Plus, cute hot sexy guy I guess everyone would call him who is a classmate of mine. He is charming looking. Younger than I by 6 years. Granted he has blue eyes and somewhat reminds me of Mike, I just can't see myself with him period. A good friend and classmate, yes. Boyfriend and more.. no. But, it's just annoying to see a few girls secretly infatuated with him and seems there is a hidden feud that is just waiting to explode once discovered. 2 I know very well about. And either he doesn't care about having so many girls hang over him or he's hiding it well. One of these young women I know well enough and I don't want to see her hurt. Cause, what's not so fun and hurts me... is how he's treating her just as Mike treated me at first.
Oh, and seeing couples... it hurts.
No vehicle. Jeep is dead which I'm not happy about. Serpentine belt shreaded a few months ago and was taken in. Picked it up and it wouldn't shift from 1st. Was told it was fixed.. no it wasn't. In my opinion the place it was taken to screwed up the transmission. So... again, no vehicle to go anywhere. I have to rely upon my mom. The bus... is NOT reliable.
I'll go back to the couples bit there. Yeah, it hurts.
Guy I fell in Love with, thought he was the Love of my life. So much we had in common. And he passed all my standards I was looking for in a Husband. And I told him this. It didn't seem to bother him and it seemed it would get serious.
So it would seem.
Well... I was wrong.
Ever since Valentine's Day... it's been barely a word from him. 2 weeks ago is when I last heard from him and he said this:
"All is going fine here, just very busy as usual. the family is fine. and as far as bothering me no you haven't. I like your post on the pyracy pub about what you are looking for in a guy. Sorry I have put this off but I was trying to figure out what was wrong with us, and I finally figured out that the chemistry isn't there fo rme is the best way to put it. If you still want to be friends cool, if not I understand, I do hope you find what you are looking for in a guy.
take care and talk to you later"
Ouch and heartache big time!
Yeah, I've been crying everyday since then.
I feel like a fool let him get so close to me in a very intimate way. Anyone who knows me, knows that I do NOT let guys near me for a variety of reasons and my past issues. He knew about these issues. I wouldn't have let him near me like that unless I was sure he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Now... I'm rather confused and alone. Feeling like I will never find the man of my dreams who will share the rest of my life with his life. I'll be 33 next month. Young to many but not young enough, folks. I don't want to be 60+ before my kids graduate from HS! That's just nuts! I would have thought I'd be married by now. I'm SO ready to be married. But, God and Fate is playing a VERY cruel joke upon me. I'm not one to mess around and play when it comes to Love and my heart. I don't put it on the line for just dating or dashing in and out of relationships.
If he wishes to have a relationship that is serious, I'm up for it. I really am. But he's gonna have to prove to me that it's no game, that this is for real and is serious.
And another thing... I'll be waiting for any intimacy until AFTER I am Married. Cause... frankly... I'm NOT a whore! I am a woman and expect to be treated like a Lady. And with men, I am serious about marriage. I don't date, if I give a man a chance I expect wedding bells in the future. Not just a 4 or 6 month fling that is an "I don't know about this" or a relationship game just so a guy can get some booty. I'm NOT that kinda woman! Go to a brothel if you want some sex.
Life sucks.
Again, I don't want the problems. I wanted challenges that I can handle with solutions I can do.
I'm SO tired of all the BS.
Let's just say this:
I hurt physically cause of riding a horse that has a bouncy canter so to speak who is off balance. No matter what I do to relax, it's utterly difficult. So, this increases the swelling. So, I've been in severe pain for 2 weeks. Doctor? hell.. WHEN!?! I'm booked with classes and time.
Some of the classmates have been real asses and just emotionless bitches. One of these days I'm gonna snap on them. I almost did last weekend at an event - the Iowa Horse Fair in Des Moines. They were just bitchy and growly the whole weekend! Drove me nuts! I felt like I was worthless in performing the normal duties. When I did need help, didn't get it. When I didn't need help, they just did shit for me when I didn't ask nor did they ask me if I needed help. Pisses me off when I feel insignificant. People need to learn boundries.
Plus, cute hot sexy guy I guess everyone would call him who is a classmate of mine. He is charming looking. Younger than I by 6 years. Granted he has blue eyes and somewhat reminds me of Mike, I just can't see myself with him period. A good friend and classmate, yes. Boyfriend and more.. no. But, it's just annoying to see a few girls secretly infatuated with him and seems there is a hidden feud that is just waiting to explode once discovered. 2 I know very well about. And either he doesn't care about having so many girls hang over him or he's hiding it well. One of these young women I know well enough and I don't want to see her hurt. Cause, what's not so fun and hurts me... is how he's treating her just as Mike treated me at first.
Oh, and seeing couples... it hurts.
No vehicle. Jeep is dead which I'm not happy about. Serpentine belt shreaded a few months ago and was taken in. Picked it up and it wouldn't shift from 1st. Was told it was fixed.. no it wasn't. In my opinion the place it was taken to screwed up the transmission. So... again, no vehicle to go anywhere. I have to rely upon my mom. The bus... is NOT reliable.
I'll go back to the couples bit there. Yeah, it hurts.
Guy I fell in Love with, thought he was the Love of my life. So much we had in common. And he passed all my standards I was looking for in a Husband. And I told him this. It didn't seem to bother him and it seemed it would get serious.
So it would seem.
Well... I was wrong.
Ever since Valentine's Day... it's been barely a word from him. 2 weeks ago is when I last heard from him and he said this:
"All is going fine here, just very busy as usual. the family is fine. and as far as bothering me no you haven't. I like your post on the pyracy pub about what you are looking for in a guy. Sorry I have put this off but I was trying to figure out what was wrong with us, and I finally figured out that the chemistry isn't there fo rme is the best way to put it. If you still want to be friends cool, if not I understand, I do hope you find what you are looking for in a guy.
take care and talk to you later"
Ouch and heartache big time!
Yeah, I've been crying everyday since then.
I feel like a fool let him get so close to me in a very intimate way. Anyone who knows me, knows that I do NOT let guys near me for a variety of reasons and my past issues. He knew about these issues. I wouldn't have let him near me like that unless I was sure he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Now... I'm rather confused and alone. Feeling like I will never find the man of my dreams who will share the rest of my life with his life. I'll be 33 next month. Young to many but not young enough, folks. I don't want to be 60+ before my kids graduate from HS! That's just nuts! I would have thought I'd be married by now. I'm SO ready to be married. But, God and Fate is playing a VERY cruel joke upon me. I'm not one to mess around and play when it comes to Love and my heart. I don't put it on the line for just dating or dashing in and out of relationships.
If he wishes to have a relationship that is serious, I'm up for it. I really am. But he's gonna have to prove to me that it's no game, that this is for real and is serious.
And another thing... I'll be waiting for any intimacy until AFTER I am Married. Cause... frankly... I'm NOT a whore! I am a woman and expect to be treated like a Lady. And with men, I am serious about marriage. I don't date, if I give a man a chance I expect wedding bells in the future. Not just a 4 or 6 month fling that is an "I don't know about this" or a relationship game just so a guy can get some booty. I'm NOT that kinda woman! Go to a brothel if you want some sex.
Life sucks.
Again, I don't want the problems. I wanted challenges that I can handle with solutions I can do.
I'm SO tired of all the BS.