The wrong decision, part two, VII
Title: The Wrong decision
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who (because I’m borrowing characters)
Rate: PG
Genre: AU totally, no aliens, romance, drama
Author: anastasisrick
Pairings: Jack/omc, Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Lisa, others as well
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or Doctor Who, BBC does and we all saw what they did to them.
Summary: They both took the wrong decision. Will they ever be able to find real love?
Prologue at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/9691.html#cutid1
Part one, I at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/9803.html#cutid1
Part one, II at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/10418.html#cutid1
Part one, III at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/11240.html#cutid1
Part two, IV at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/11996.html
Part two, V at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/17144.html
Part two, VI at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/18471.html
The wrong decision, part two VII
Owen stood aside watching Phillip on Jack's lap, the man cooing and smiling at the toddler. “I never had thought you’d be a fitting father. You do realise this won't end well, right?”
Jack stopped playing with the kid and looked up at the doctor. “Werth was determined to adopt a child. At least this way, Ianto's child will have a family. What would you have me do?”
“Oh I don't know, Jack, say the truth to Ianto, maybe?”
“Why didn't you?”
“It's not my place to say anything!”
Jack let the boy in his cradle gently, covering him with a small blanket before walking towards the drinks cabinet. He took two glasses and poured scotch in them. He handed one glass to Owen and took a large sip from the other. “That's bullshit and you know it! You would have told Ianto the truth if you thought it's something he'd like to know.”
“Werth has schooled you perfectly, didn't he? Me too. I know Ianto since he was a child. I thought this... going to Paris, following his dreams was the perfect chance to leave this damn place where everyone knows him as the sick child. It's not about maturity; Ianto is the most mature person I know. It's about his lost childhood, his lost years in hospitals. If I told him he'd feel obligated to look after his kid and leave his own dreams. That's why I haven't told him anything. What's your excuse? Doing Werth's favour?”
Jack’s bitter smile surprised the doctor. “I don't have an excuse, Owen. I made a mistake a while ago and now I feel I'm going to pay for it for the rest of my life.”
“What do you mean?”
“It's not about Werth. It's not about me. It's about Ianto and it's about another kid...” Jack stopped mid-sentence sipping more of his drink, his gaze traveling to the child who slept peacefully despite their discussion.
“You aren't making sense, Jack.”
“I don't know if I can make sense. Werth's at the library, he's going to return much later, so sit down and listen carefully. When I met Werth, he was so beautiful, so young and restless, and I wanted to make him mine. He's mo much younger than me, but he seemed older and confirmed in what he wanted in life, from his life and I was taken. And then all of the sudden there was his twin brother, just as beautiful but looking young, wild and in a way fragile and dreamy, not knowing what he wanted from his life other than making his dreams reality! So like me twenty years ago.”
Owen’s understanding of the situation made him feel sick. “What are you saying, Jack?”
“I'm saying that anyone could fall in love with Ianto in seconds. I say that he's so young and has his whole life ahead of him. I say that I love Werth but Ianto is a dream I will never reach.”
“In other words, you say you're in love with Ianto.”
“You sure understood it far earlier than I did, that's for certain.”
There was only one thing to ask and Owen stood and refilled his glass before asking. “Why did you marry Werth?”
“Because Ianto was just a child!”
“He's Werth twin brother, Jack. They have the same age!”
“Aren't you listening to me? Werth seemed, and that's the key word seemed to fit my life and expectation better. And it wasn't like I hate Werth. I love him. So much! But Ianto can't get out of my mind.”
“Maybe you're just obsessed with him.”
“I know obsession, Owen, and I know love...and this is something new and painful and much more powerful.”
“You're serious!”
Jack nodded turning his gaze to his kid. Owen noticed the instinctual act. “What's that got to do with Phillip?”
“It's how you said it. If Ianto finds out about Phillip he'll want to look after him, and... Every decision I made since I met them would mean nothing. They will all be wrong. I'd have destroyed three people's lives. And I don't care about mine, but Werth and Ianto's lives are so important!”
“Why are you saying you'd have destroyed Ianto's life? He has nothing to do with you... oh no, no, Jack, please don’t tell me he’s...”
“I don't know, alright? I don't know. For one moment, I thought he was in love with me. And then he left. And I thought he wasn't. And then he never came back home, not even for his brother’s wedding. I don't know what to think!”
“And you have a chance to raise his son giving him the chance to follow his dream, I get it now.” Owen wondered if he had lost his mind.
“Before I realized Phillip's Ianto's, I didn't want a child. I didn't trust myself to raise a child.”
“Why not?”
“I had a younger brother. And I caused his death.”
“What?”
“He drowned in the swimming pool while I was left to look after him. I left him out of my sight and he fell in the swimming pool.”
“How old were you?”
“Ten.”
“Dear Lord! And he?”
“He was five.”
“Jack,” how could he explain to a grown man who spent his whole life in guilt that it was probably not his fault? Owen shook his head, and let his glass on the table. No more alcohol for him.
“Save it, Owen. I screwed up and killed my baby brother... “
“You were only a child yourself.”
“It doesn't matter. What matters is Phillip and Werth. And Ianto's happiness.”
“And you think his happiness is to not know about Phillip. What if he sees him? What then? Phillip is carbon copy of Lisa and Ianto together. Do you think he won't realise there's something weird there?”
Their discussion was interrupted by Werth coming home. They both stopped talking as the younger man closed the door behind him. Seeing Owen, he smiled. “Hey Owen. How are you?” He wrapped an arm around Jack and kissed his husband. “What are you talking about?'”
Owen had enough of sugarcoating the situation. “We are talking about Phillip and Ianto. Won't Ianto see the resemblance?”
Werth looked down and removed his arm from Jack, taking a defensive stance. “Ianto doesn't know Lisa was pregnant. He'll see it as a coincidence.”
“Ok, if you're certain. One more question. What if everything you think you know about Ianto is a lie? What if he'd love to have a child to look after? What if his priorities in life have changed? No, no don't answer me now. As a matter of fact don't answer me at all. Just think about it, and the possibility of Ianto learning the truth one day. And hating all of us for keeping Phillip a secret from him. Think of that and wonder if he'll be wrong not to want to have any kind of contact with us after that. I wouldn’t blame him.”
Owen left soon after that receiving no answer.
Much later, after putting Phillip to sleep, Werth snuggled in Jack’s arms. “Do you think Owen’s right?”
“Owen usually is. About what specifically?”
“About Ianto hating me if he ever learns the truth.”
“It’s really possible, Werth. Don’t say you haven’t thought about it. You love Ianto, but you can’t be inside his head. Or his heart. You can’t know what he wants now. No one would like such a secret kept from them.”
“But we do it to give him the chance to live.”
“Stop lying to yourself, Werth. We aren’t totally selfless here.” Jack slipped away from Werth. “I have some unfinished business.”
“But we came to sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep right now.” Jack was already by the door when he signed and returned to Werth’s side. He kissed his forehead. “You sleep, I’ll be back soon.”
Werth rose to his feet, and going to Phillip’s bed, he sat on the armchair to watch the small child sleeping quietly.
Had he done the right thing? Being unable to answer this, he reached over for the phone.
*
Ianto hung the phone as John came into the room. The younger man didn’t turn to him; he just walked over to the window to look outside. “Hello, Ianto.”
“Hi, John. How was your date?”
“It wasn’t a date.”
“OK, whatever you say. This was the third not date in as many days, by the way.”
“Donna is interesting.”
“I can tell.”
John decided not to give an answer to that, and taking off his suit jacket, he waited for Ianto to say something. When he just kept staring down in the streets, John walked to him. “What’s wrong?” He said, resting his hand on Ianto’s shoulder.
“I just talked with Werth. He and Jack adopted a baby.”
“That’s great news, isn’t it?”
“I guess,” Ianto said noncommittally.
“Ianto, you’ve been moping for all the months we’ve been here, you study all the time, you haven’t got any friends, no one to go out with. This isn’t healthy. Neither your father, nor Werth and that doctor of yours would like this. If they knew.”
“They don’t know though. What I want is to be the best pianist, not to be a social butterfly, John.”
“You’re young, so young to be in between walls for days in a row.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Ianto rubbed his forehead, a headache started getting annoying.
“Let’s go back to Werth’s news. I never took Jack as a man who’d adopt a child.”
“Why not?” Ianto showed interest because the more he could learn about Jack the better.
“He’s repeatedly said he would never have kids. Don’t really know why,” And Ianto was almost certain John was lying to him, but kept quietly absorbing all the information given to him. “Anyway, you must be happy for Werth, and you having a nephew. When will you go see them?”
“I won’t. Not any time soon.”
John’s worry couldn’t be hidden any longer. He had subtly tried to make Ianto go out more, behave like a young man his age, failing in all his attempts and thought little of the matter. Finally the Ianto’s dismissal of a trip back home made John wonder about his student’s mental state. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t belong there,” Ianto said as he sat on a chair he dragged towards the window.
“You need some rest, Ianto. What’s better than going home?”
Ianto could feel his stomach clench, an almost physical pain to his chest and the burn in his eyes. He stood and dashed to his bedroom leaving John alone to try and understand what had happened.
John had to talk with someone about Ianto. He just didn’t know whom to contact.
tbc
Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who (because I’m borrowing characters)
Rate: PG
Genre: AU totally, no aliens, romance, drama
Author: anastasisrick
Pairings: Jack/omc, Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Lisa, others as well
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or Doctor Who, BBC does and we all saw what they did to them.
Summary: They both took the wrong decision. Will they ever be able to find real love?
Prologue at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/9691.html#cutid1
Part one, I at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/9803.html#cutid1
Part one, II at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/10418.html#cutid1
Part one, III at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/11240.html#cutid1
Part two, IV at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/11996.html
Part two, V at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/17144.html
Part two, VI at: http://anastasisrick.livejournal.com/18471.html
The wrong decision, part two VII
Owen stood aside watching Phillip on Jack's lap, the man cooing and smiling at the toddler. “I never had thought you’d be a fitting father. You do realise this won't end well, right?”
Jack stopped playing with the kid and looked up at the doctor. “Werth was determined to adopt a child. At least this way, Ianto's child will have a family. What would you have me do?”
“Oh I don't know, Jack, say the truth to Ianto, maybe?”
“Why didn't you?”
“It's not my place to say anything!”
Jack let the boy in his cradle gently, covering him with a small blanket before walking towards the drinks cabinet. He took two glasses and poured scotch in them. He handed one glass to Owen and took a large sip from the other. “That's bullshit and you know it! You would have told Ianto the truth if you thought it's something he'd like to know.”
“Werth has schooled you perfectly, didn't he? Me too. I know Ianto since he was a child. I thought this... going to Paris, following his dreams was the perfect chance to leave this damn place where everyone knows him as the sick child. It's not about maturity; Ianto is the most mature person I know. It's about his lost childhood, his lost years in hospitals. If I told him he'd feel obligated to look after his kid and leave his own dreams. That's why I haven't told him anything. What's your excuse? Doing Werth's favour?”
Jack’s bitter smile surprised the doctor. “I don't have an excuse, Owen. I made a mistake a while ago and now I feel I'm going to pay for it for the rest of my life.”
“What do you mean?”
“It's not about Werth. It's not about me. It's about Ianto and it's about another kid...” Jack stopped mid-sentence sipping more of his drink, his gaze traveling to the child who slept peacefully despite their discussion.
“You aren't making sense, Jack.”
“I don't know if I can make sense. Werth's at the library, he's going to return much later, so sit down and listen carefully. When I met Werth, he was so beautiful, so young and restless, and I wanted to make him mine. He's mo much younger than me, but he seemed older and confirmed in what he wanted in life, from his life and I was taken. And then all of the sudden there was his twin brother, just as beautiful but looking young, wild and in a way fragile and dreamy, not knowing what he wanted from his life other than making his dreams reality! So like me twenty years ago.”
Owen’s understanding of the situation made him feel sick. “What are you saying, Jack?”
“I'm saying that anyone could fall in love with Ianto in seconds. I say that he's so young and has his whole life ahead of him. I say that I love Werth but Ianto is a dream I will never reach.”
“In other words, you say you're in love with Ianto.”
“You sure understood it far earlier than I did, that's for certain.”
There was only one thing to ask and Owen stood and refilled his glass before asking. “Why did you marry Werth?”
“Because Ianto was just a child!”
“He's Werth twin brother, Jack. They have the same age!”
“Aren't you listening to me? Werth seemed, and that's the key word seemed to fit my life and expectation better. And it wasn't like I hate Werth. I love him. So much! But Ianto can't get out of my mind.”
“Maybe you're just obsessed with him.”
“I know obsession, Owen, and I know love...and this is something new and painful and much more powerful.”
“You're serious!”
Jack nodded turning his gaze to his kid. Owen noticed the instinctual act. “What's that got to do with Phillip?”
“It's how you said it. If Ianto finds out about Phillip he'll want to look after him, and... Every decision I made since I met them would mean nothing. They will all be wrong. I'd have destroyed three people's lives. And I don't care about mine, but Werth and Ianto's lives are so important!”
“Why are you saying you'd have destroyed Ianto's life? He has nothing to do with you... oh no, no, Jack, please don’t tell me he’s...”
“I don't know, alright? I don't know. For one moment, I thought he was in love with me. And then he left. And I thought he wasn't. And then he never came back home, not even for his brother’s wedding. I don't know what to think!”
“And you have a chance to raise his son giving him the chance to follow his dream, I get it now.” Owen wondered if he had lost his mind.
“Before I realized Phillip's Ianto's, I didn't want a child. I didn't trust myself to raise a child.”
“Why not?”
“I had a younger brother. And I caused his death.”
“What?”
“He drowned in the swimming pool while I was left to look after him. I left him out of my sight and he fell in the swimming pool.”
“How old were you?”
“Ten.”
“Dear Lord! And he?”
“He was five.”
“Jack,” how could he explain to a grown man who spent his whole life in guilt that it was probably not his fault? Owen shook his head, and let his glass on the table. No more alcohol for him.
“Save it, Owen. I screwed up and killed my baby brother... “
“You were only a child yourself.”
“It doesn't matter. What matters is Phillip and Werth. And Ianto's happiness.”
“And you think his happiness is to not know about Phillip. What if he sees him? What then? Phillip is carbon copy of Lisa and Ianto together. Do you think he won't realise there's something weird there?”
Their discussion was interrupted by Werth coming home. They both stopped talking as the younger man closed the door behind him. Seeing Owen, he smiled. “Hey Owen. How are you?” He wrapped an arm around Jack and kissed his husband. “What are you talking about?'”
Owen had enough of sugarcoating the situation. “We are talking about Phillip and Ianto. Won't Ianto see the resemblance?”
Werth looked down and removed his arm from Jack, taking a defensive stance. “Ianto doesn't know Lisa was pregnant. He'll see it as a coincidence.”
“Ok, if you're certain. One more question. What if everything you think you know about Ianto is a lie? What if he'd love to have a child to look after? What if his priorities in life have changed? No, no don't answer me now. As a matter of fact don't answer me at all. Just think about it, and the possibility of Ianto learning the truth one day. And hating all of us for keeping Phillip a secret from him. Think of that and wonder if he'll be wrong not to want to have any kind of contact with us after that. I wouldn’t blame him.”
Owen left soon after that receiving no answer.
Much later, after putting Phillip to sleep, Werth snuggled in Jack’s arms. “Do you think Owen’s right?”
“Owen usually is. About what specifically?”
“About Ianto hating me if he ever learns the truth.”
“It’s really possible, Werth. Don’t say you haven’t thought about it. You love Ianto, but you can’t be inside his head. Or his heart. You can’t know what he wants now. No one would like such a secret kept from them.”
“But we do it to give him the chance to live.”
“Stop lying to yourself, Werth. We aren’t totally selfless here.” Jack slipped away from Werth. “I have some unfinished business.”
“But we came to sleep.”
“I don’t want to sleep right now.” Jack was already by the door when he signed and returned to Werth’s side. He kissed his forehead. “You sleep, I’ll be back soon.”
Werth rose to his feet, and going to Phillip’s bed, he sat on the armchair to watch the small child sleeping quietly.
Had he done the right thing? Being unable to answer this, he reached over for the phone.
*
Ianto hung the phone as John came into the room. The younger man didn’t turn to him; he just walked over to the window to look outside. “Hello, Ianto.”
“Hi, John. How was your date?”
“It wasn’t a date.”
“OK, whatever you say. This was the third not date in as many days, by the way.”
“Donna is interesting.”
“I can tell.”
John decided not to give an answer to that, and taking off his suit jacket, he waited for Ianto to say something. When he just kept staring down in the streets, John walked to him. “What’s wrong?” He said, resting his hand on Ianto’s shoulder.
“I just talked with Werth. He and Jack adopted a baby.”
“That’s great news, isn’t it?”
“I guess,” Ianto said noncommittally.
“Ianto, you’ve been moping for all the months we’ve been here, you study all the time, you haven’t got any friends, no one to go out with. This isn’t healthy. Neither your father, nor Werth and that doctor of yours would like this. If they knew.”
“They don’t know though. What I want is to be the best pianist, not to be a social butterfly, John.”
“You’re young, so young to be in between walls for days in a row.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Ianto rubbed his forehead, a headache started getting annoying.
“Let’s go back to Werth’s news. I never took Jack as a man who’d adopt a child.”
“Why not?” Ianto showed interest because the more he could learn about Jack the better.
“He’s repeatedly said he would never have kids. Don’t really know why,” And Ianto was almost certain John was lying to him, but kept quietly absorbing all the information given to him. “Anyway, you must be happy for Werth, and you having a nephew. When will you go see them?”
“I won’t. Not any time soon.”
John’s worry couldn’t be hidden any longer. He had subtly tried to make Ianto go out more, behave like a young man his age, failing in all his attempts and thought little of the matter. Finally the Ianto’s dismissal of a trip back home made John wonder about his student’s mental state. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t belong there,” Ianto said as he sat on a chair he dragged towards the window.
“You need some rest, Ianto. What’s better than going home?”
Ianto could feel his stomach clench, an almost physical pain to his chest and the burn in his eyes. He stood and dashed to his bedroom leaving John alone to try and understand what had happened.
John had to talk with someone about Ianto. He just didn’t know whom to contact.
tbc