(no subject)
i know, its been a while since i posted, but ive been really busy. so, today was so cool! i finally got to see meg, finally finally! we went to a local medieval faire with my sister. it was so much fun. i took a million photos for the newspaper, and talked to a bunch of people. i love my job so much sometimes. meg, we rock, we must do it again sometime.... i also got this really cool decal and put it on the back of my honking big van. it says armoured rose, with a rose outlined above it. armoured rose means a fighting lady, or a lady warrior. i suppose thats pretty fitting, especially since my middle name is rose. its in my favorite color too: red. i love it... it makes me feel badass.
in other, less happy news: ian and i are still on the outs. he just needs time to do his schoolwork, which i totally understand, since i was there just a few months ago. but im really having a hard time with this transition... i lost all of my friends in one fell swoop (except meg and my sister) plus my boyfriend, the apartment i loved, and the town i had fallen in love with. that was a little hard. so i really need someone to talk to right now, i have the whole time. but ians always busy, or tired, or out of town (just once, but for about four or five days). i dunno, i really need someone to make me feel better. and hes just got no energy for it right now, so im just trying to stay out of his hair. but im all alone here, with just marie to talk to (not a bad thing, trust me, but shes dealing with her own stuff right now, and i dont want to burden her). i just need a special person to help me out, and i thought ian was that person. but i guess not. he makes me feel selfish when i ask for this attention. should i feel this way? i dunno... im just staying out of his way right now. it hurts too much to talk to him, knowing he really isnt paying attention to what i have to say. he doesnt even say he loves me anymore. i guess its just implied now. i really just need to hear it.
sigh, that just turned into a really angsty, girly post. ive been watching stupid chick flicks with my mom and sister (i have no one else to hang out with...) since this all started, so about two or three weeks ago. i suppose its no surprise that ive turned girly and angsty myself. its time to suck it up and be strong on my own. i cant count on anyone else. i know this, and yet i let myself relax a little like i might be able to count on someone else. i guess not...
in other, less happy news: ian and i are still on the outs. he just needs time to do his schoolwork, which i totally understand, since i was there just a few months ago. but im really having a hard time with this transition... i lost all of my friends in one fell swoop (except meg and my sister) plus my boyfriend, the apartment i loved, and the town i had fallen in love with. that was a little hard. so i really need someone to talk to right now, i have the whole time. but ians always busy, or tired, or out of town (just once, but for about four or five days). i dunno, i really need someone to make me feel better. and hes just got no energy for it right now, so im just trying to stay out of his hair. but im all alone here, with just marie to talk to (not a bad thing, trust me, but shes dealing with her own stuff right now, and i dont want to burden her). i just need a special person to help me out, and i thought ian was that person. but i guess not. he makes me feel selfish when i ask for this attention. should i feel this way? i dunno... im just staying out of his way right now. it hurts too much to talk to him, knowing he really isnt paying attention to what i have to say. he doesnt even say he loves me anymore. i guess its just implied now. i really just need to hear it.
sigh, that just turned into a really angsty, girly post. ive been watching stupid chick flicks with my mom and sister (i have no one else to hang out with...) since this all started, so about two or three weeks ago. i suppose its no surprise that ive turned girly and angsty myself. its time to suck it up and be strong on my own. i cant count on anyone else. i know this, and yet i let myself relax a little like i might be able to count on someone else. i guess not...