(no subject)

[anarchybum]

Another sleepless night. I don't know what's wrong with me this week. I have been weird. I don't know why. I know something is bothering me, but i don't have a damn clue as to what it is. I guess i'm just stressed about everything. A few constants that run through my mind daily it seems. Call me selfish, but i'm kinda upset that there is a chance i may miss my halloween party. I look forward to it every year, and it's always a blast, but i hate to think that i might miss it. I mean, its for a great opportunity i don't deny that, but all the same, i wish it didn't happen on the same day. Next, i know i'm putting way too much unnecessary stress into this s/s project. I'm going waaaaaay above and beyond of what i was hired to do. But i want this thing to be successful, and i really don't have a lot of faith in the person that's running it. They seem too wrapped up into what it may become, instead of focusing on what needs to be done now to get it to that great vision you see it becoming. So i'm trying. Trying to help out. Get the ball rolling. I'm also thinking a lot about my not too distant future. I really don't see my life without her. There's no doubt in my mind she's the one. She doesn't believe me when i say i'm going to do it. But in ways it scares the hell out of me you know? It's like i've got about 5-8 years left until i may have children. That's no time at all. That'll fly by. I mean i'm excited, but i don't know. It's just crazy to think about. I really need to find a stable job. I wish i could finally get in you know? Then the jobs would be coming to me. I've tried to stay positive, but its really frustrating to see my savings dwindling down to nothing. I know i'll get my break. I just hope its sometime soon. I think what it is is that i have way too many goals in this point in my life, and its impossible to juggle them all. I may need to just reflect, reevaluate things going on, and make a decsion on what i need to focus on.

I'm sure this is why i've been getting daily headaches, and why my psoriasis has been acting up way more than usual.