(no subject)
Waking up alone is probably the only thing I really despise about being single. I get so bored when I'm alone, I hate it really- always have. I'd even just prefer if my brother was around, even sleeping, but I'm alone in the house for the first four hours of every week day. Yesterday my brother walked in at 2pm and said "Hey what's up?" and I just stared at him and his friend for a minute and said "I think these are the first words I've spoken all day." One of the things I loved about being with Jenna was that we both liked to be together whenever we could- if we weren't working or in school we were together. This may have ultimately been our kiss of death, but whatever, I fucking loved it. I haven't had many relationships, but even when I wasn't involved with anyone I always had friends around. Daniel used to wake me up every morning by tapping on my window, and when he moved to Tempe it was Ian coming over right when I called him in the morning. Now everyone lives a solid 15-20 minute drive away and are all retarded busy with life and their own relationships.
I'm in an online class that started on Monday and I'm trying to get motivated to just kick its ass and finish it really soon, but that's proving hard to do. I also need to apply to ASU, which probably isn't very hard. AND I need to fill out FAFSA. These are things I've been meaning to do since fucking MARCH. I feel like such a dead beat, but I'm also not doing anything about it so maybe I deserve to feel that way. Also the class cost me a solid 300$, it's the first time I've had to pay for my own school and put me behind schedule for what I'm supposed to be giving Leen. Plus I need to start saving to go back to court in Tennessee in late May. That cost me around 700$ last time, so it's something I need to plan for asap. I've been thinking of asking to postpone the court date a couple weeks and go to Bonnaroo while I'm in the area. I know Daniel has been talking about wanting to go to the 'roo, so maybe he'll do that with me.
I bought an antique photo album and have been busy putting the hundreds of pictures I've accumulated since I was 13 in it. It's really fun and I've already spent 3x the amount of the album on the sweet ass double sided tape I'm using. I've also been drawing in the cool little journal I bought at the MoMA store a lot. When I really like my journals I tend to be more inspired by them. Also large pages intimidate me, so I really like how petite it is. This is probably the only thing about life that is making me feel good about myself right now.
Since Amanda showed me Die Antwoord it's been pretty much the only thing I hear in my house. My brother immediately adopted them when I got home and you can hear Enter the Ninja coming from his room pretty much all day. My mom described them perfectly when she said "They make me smile." They really do make you smile, which is probably why all of us depressed Roseburghs love 'em so much.
I keep thinking that I need to stop drinking and smoking weed. Just for a few months or something, to see what life is like without it. Monetarily and cognitively. I'm tired of spending all my money on experiences, I want stuff. I want lots and lots of cool shit. I want to be skinny (which'll happen fast since I can't/don't eat very much when I'm not stoned) and I want to be proud of the way I present myself to the world. It would help me pay off all my debts and save up to move downtown with Megan next fall. I just don't know how to do it. I'm definitely addicted to weed, whatever that means. I tell myself to quit almost everyday and never do. I can't even count how many times I've said "This is the last bag" to myself. It's just retarded to spend so much money on it. RETARDED. Also, bars are the stupidest idea ever, but it's all anyone does and is a good way to meet new people. It just makes me insane that I can spend 20$ at the bar on the nights that I'm taking it easy and driving home. (Which is what happened last time I went out.) Jeezum crow.
The only reason I'm writing this right now is because I'm putting off doing my homework.
Hahahahjdaad.
It's good to see you, livejournal.
I'm in an online class that started on Monday and I'm trying to get motivated to just kick its ass and finish it really soon, but that's proving hard to do. I also need to apply to ASU, which probably isn't very hard. AND I need to fill out FAFSA. These are things I've been meaning to do since fucking MARCH. I feel like such a dead beat, but I'm also not doing anything about it so maybe I deserve to feel that way. Also the class cost me a solid 300$, it's the first time I've had to pay for my own school and put me behind schedule for what I'm supposed to be giving Leen. Plus I need to start saving to go back to court in Tennessee in late May. That cost me around 700$ last time, so it's something I need to plan for asap. I've been thinking of asking to postpone the court date a couple weeks and go to Bonnaroo while I'm in the area. I know Daniel has been talking about wanting to go to the 'roo, so maybe he'll do that with me.
I bought an antique photo album and have been busy putting the hundreds of pictures I've accumulated since I was 13 in it. It's really fun and I've already spent 3x the amount of the album on the sweet ass double sided tape I'm using. I've also been drawing in the cool little journal I bought at the MoMA store a lot. When I really like my journals I tend to be more inspired by them. Also large pages intimidate me, so I really like how petite it is. This is probably the only thing about life that is making me feel good about myself right now.
Since Amanda showed me Die Antwoord it's been pretty much the only thing I hear in my house. My brother immediately adopted them when I got home and you can hear Enter the Ninja coming from his room pretty much all day. My mom described them perfectly when she said "They make me smile." They really do make you smile, which is probably why all of us depressed Roseburghs love 'em so much.
I keep thinking that I need to stop drinking and smoking weed. Just for a few months or something, to see what life is like without it. Monetarily and cognitively. I'm tired of spending all my money on experiences, I want stuff. I want lots and lots of cool shit. I want to be skinny (which'll happen fast since I can't/don't eat very much when I'm not stoned) and I want to be proud of the way I present myself to the world. It would help me pay off all my debts and save up to move downtown with Megan next fall. I just don't know how to do it. I'm definitely addicted to weed, whatever that means. I tell myself to quit almost everyday and never do. I can't even count how many times I've said "This is the last bag" to myself. It's just retarded to spend so much money on it. RETARDED. Also, bars are the stupidest idea ever, but it's all anyone does and is a good way to meet new people. It just makes me insane that I can spend 20$ at the bar on the nights that I'm taking it easy and driving home. (Which is what happened last time I went out.) Jeezum crow.
The only reason I'm writing this right now is because I'm putting off doing my homework.
Hahahahjdaad.
It's good to see you, livejournal.