I always have the best thoughts right before I fall asleep.
After school today when I should have been doing my makeup work, I opted to take a little nap instead. I realized that I'm really kind of a biatch. I don't care about anyone unless they give me a reason to. And once they've "earned" (I hate saying that because I feel like I'm saying people should feel honored if I like them) my trust and we're friends, and they do something to hurt me or something, I usually don't forgive too easily. And I hate myself for being like that. I had a long talk with Stephanie (Justin's girlfriend) because people are saying crap that's not true and I think she had the impression I didn't like her. That's not true at all. I don't like the person that Justin is becoming now, and it darn well could have nothing to do with her. It's not fair that I'm being nasty to her. I thought about it, and if my boyfriend's sister were as NASTY and CONIVING as I am, I wouldn't be in that relationship for much longer. But she is. Know why? Because she LOVES him. Maybe a strong word, maybe not. I thought I was in her position once, and I probably would have stuck around if his sister was as much of a bitch as I've been. But I think it comes down to the fact that Justin and I used to be thisclose. Then, he got a girlfriend and it's almost like she took my place. I may not like to admit it, but he was my best friend. And in subconsciously trying to - I don't want to say break them up because I don't really want to see him unhappy - come between them, I've only made our relationship suck even more. I don't remember the last time we had a conversation. The only times we really talk are stupid superficial shit, and I don't really like it. But then if he did this to me, I wouldn't really have much I'd like to say to him either. I need to stop being such an ass.