song for the dumped, in d minor
saw ben folds last night at slummerfest. any man who can get a crowd there to sing in recognizable three part harmony has a strange gift. i was rather proud of myself for guessing the song he'd play last. song for the dumped, but in d *minor* as opposed to the album version. gotta love the minor key. also, one of the people standing on the table with us was a really cool chick that i made friends with. she works at a store where they have, among other items, hello kitty watches. i was all set to go buy one, and she hands me hers in the middle of one of ben's songs. "i'm having a moment" she said and put it in my paws. i think i said 'omg' about 50 times. she was really pleased with herself that such a small thing (in her mind) would make a person so happy. we exchanged numbers after the show, and we'll get together sometime. as it turns out, she works across the street from me, so if nothing else, i can go visit her store. the world is sometimes a strange place.
(shifts gears abruptly)
i have way too much on my mind lately. i really dig rory, and finally had the courage to talk to him about it. my first attempt was saturday night - this effort was thwarted by his being incredibly drunk. so drunk in fact, that the next day, he didn't remember how trashed he was. (stumbly, knocking stuff over, and not himself) i won't even tell him what he said, because he'd be even more embarrassed than he already is/was. i don't need him to think he's a bad person for saying something wierd. without going into a word for word recitation of the whole thing, i can summarize by saying we pretty much had an argument about liking each other. WTF.
he remembers nothing, which i think is for the better. somewhat wounded, but determined to persist, i went back the next night and initiated the talk after close. i explained my position, so to speak, and said i wanted to know how he felt about me. apparently, he really likes me. a lot. but his "track record with relationships" is abysmal. he's convinced that he'll somehow hurt me, and in turn lose me not only as a girlfriend but as a friend as well. he wants me around long term, and he thinks that won't happen if we're romantically involved. he's also still uncomfortable with the age difference.
so here we sit with this something between us. he's rather stubborn, so i don't see him losing resolve anytime soon, but that brings me to a discussion i had with a dear friend (who introduced me both to rory and to sean. go figure.) on tuesday night. anyone who looks at me knows that i care about rory. even strangers notice, which is somewhat embarrassing, especially if someone says that the way you're looking at the bartender is why he's not trying to pick up on you. *sigh* but i digress.
so liam (whose name i chose because it means protection) knows how much i care for rory, and thinks there's potential for something really good to happen. he also thinks the age difference shouldn't matter. he thinks that things will fall into place over time, and that i should exercise patience. that's what i'd been thinking since i talked to rory sunday night, and that's also what i figured liam would say, but i needed to hear it. liam's known rory for years, and i trust liam's judgement. he has a gift for introducing me to just the right people at just the right time.
i said to liam that i didn't need for rory to call me his girl or swear his undying love in the next five business days. but that being said, i didn't want to be the girl who couldn't take a hint. liam said that rory would've said something if that was the case. in any case, i just was happy to know that he cared about me, and mildly frustrated that he won't let himself explore the possibility of something with me. i can understand the logic, but for myself, i coudn't go through life being afraid of what might happen if i fall in love with someone. love is just too amazing not to experience it. and while his 'track record' may be less than stellar in his mind, i'm still close friends with my ex (3 years together) and keep in touch with the first guy i dated in college (2.5 years).
i do not break bonds unless it is absolutely necessary. the 3-year ex, garrett, came on a trip with me recently, and i was pleasantly surprised that things didn't get wierd. it was more an excercise in letting go of the relationship than pretending something was still there. and clearly something had been there at one point, but it's done now. we're just friends, and i'm very greatful that we are able to remain so. again, i digress.
as it stands now, i'm willing to just be a friend to rory, and see how things progress. i see how he treats other people, and everyone who speaks of him speaks of how he's amazing, and a rare man, and just about anything nice you could say about a guy. and i know how i feel when i'm around him. i think it would be worth staying on sabbatical from conquesting for a while longer.
when liam, rory, another gent and i were watching the hbo series, rory made a comment about drinking half a bottle of powers. i stepped into the kitchen and pulled out the new bottle that i'd purchased saying "so it's good that i brought this along, yes?" rory replied, "ah, a woman after my own heart..." indeed rory. indeed.
(shifts gears abruptly)
i have way too much on my mind lately. i really dig rory, and finally had the courage to talk to him about it. my first attempt was saturday night - this effort was thwarted by his being incredibly drunk. so drunk in fact, that the next day, he didn't remember how trashed he was. (stumbly, knocking stuff over, and not himself) i won't even tell him what he said, because he'd be even more embarrassed than he already is/was. i don't need him to think he's a bad person for saying something wierd. without going into a word for word recitation of the whole thing, i can summarize by saying we pretty much had an argument about liking each other. WTF.
he remembers nothing, which i think is for the better. somewhat wounded, but determined to persist, i went back the next night and initiated the talk after close. i explained my position, so to speak, and said i wanted to know how he felt about me. apparently, he really likes me. a lot. but his "track record with relationships" is abysmal. he's convinced that he'll somehow hurt me, and in turn lose me not only as a girlfriend but as a friend as well. he wants me around long term, and he thinks that won't happen if we're romantically involved. he's also still uncomfortable with the age difference.
so here we sit with this something between us. he's rather stubborn, so i don't see him losing resolve anytime soon, but that brings me to a discussion i had with a dear friend (who introduced me both to rory and to sean. go figure.) on tuesday night. anyone who looks at me knows that i care about rory. even strangers notice, which is somewhat embarrassing, especially if someone says that the way you're looking at the bartender is why he's not trying to pick up on you. *sigh* but i digress.
so liam (whose name i chose because it means protection) knows how much i care for rory, and thinks there's potential for something really good to happen. he also thinks the age difference shouldn't matter. he thinks that things will fall into place over time, and that i should exercise patience. that's what i'd been thinking since i talked to rory sunday night, and that's also what i figured liam would say, but i needed to hear it. liam's known rory for years, and i trust liam's judgement. he has a gift for introducing me to just the right people at just the right time.
i said to liam that i didn't need for rory to call me his girl or swear his undying love in the next five business days. but that being said, i didn't want to be the girl who couldn't take a hint. liam said that rory would've said something if that was the case. in any case, i just was happy to know that he cared about me, and mildly frustrated that he won't let himself explore the possibility of something with me. i can understand the logic, but for myself, i coudn't go through life being afraid of what might happen if i fall in love with someone. love is just too amazing not to experience it. and while his 'track record' may be less than stellar in his mind, i'm still close friends with my ex (3 years together) and keep in touch with the first guy i dated in college (2.5 years).
i do not break bonds unless it is absolutely necessary. the 3-year ex, garrett, came on a trip with me recently, and i was pleasantly surprised that things didn't get wierd. it was more an excercise in letting go of the relationship than pretending something was still there. and clearly something had been there at one point, but it's done now. we're just friends, and i'm very greatful that we are able to remain so. again, i digress.
as it stands now, i'm willing to just be a friend to rory, and see how things progress. i see how he treats other people, and everyone who speaks of him speaks of how he's amazing, and a rare man, and just about anything nice you could say about a guy. and i know how i feel when i'm around him. i think it would be worth staying on sabbatical from conquesting for a while longer.
when liam, rory, another gent and i were watching the hbo series, rory made a comment about drinking half a bottle of powers. i stepped into the kitchen and pulled out the new bottle that i'd purchased saying "so it's good that i brought this along, yes?" rory replied, "ah, a woman after my own heart..." indeed rory. indeed.