"Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind..."
I've come to the realization that, in a lot of situations, and on a lot of subjects, there is no middle ground.
They must have things their way, and you must have things your way, and "agreeing to disagree" means only that you've laid the groundwork for an entire future based on an uneasy mistrust and an inability to really reach an understanding.
We tell ourselves that we have reached a meeting place, but the meeting place has a wall right down the middle of it, and there is no meaningful meeting at all--only the silence of your side of the wall. Only your presence residing in the space, along with the cold stones of the barrier.
And you tell yourself that you are not wrong to hold your ground. You tell yourself that the Other stands on their side of the wall, wrapped in their delusion and fed with their lies, and you, on your side, are much holier, and much more righteous, and much more connected with the truth.
And that you are right.
But it is small comfort when you realize that you are no less alone than they are, no less cut off from the pleasures of connection.
And so you question yourself, and wonder if, perhaps, it would be better and easier to let your passions and your beliefs and everything you know slip away and just give in and say, "You're right, you're right, you're ALWAYS right..."
But then you would have to live a traitor to that which you call your "truth"...
Here's the deal...
I cannot give in when so much is at stake. I cannot turn my back on my own truth and try to accept the truth of another just to reach a middle ground. I cannot deny the soft bonging I hear in my heart when I hear what is true, no matter how loud the shrieking, hysterical and panicked siren of the Other.
I can hear your hurt, Other. I can hear your fear. But I cannot embrace beyond that, and I cannot accept what hurts and frightens you by believing it is true.
It isn't. It just isn't. The bell in my heart lies silent--no resonance is heard in what you say. It feels false, for all your passion, and it feels unreasonable for all your attempts to justify it.
I cannot listen and feel anything but your panic and your pain.
And because I cannot accept and mirror that, and see myself as the murderer that your secret self whispers that I am, I am the enemy.
So be it.
The wall remains.
They must have things their way, and you must have things your way, and "agreeing to disagree" means only that you've laid the groundwork for an entire future based on an uneasy mistrust and an inability to really reach an understanding.
We tell ourselves that we have reached a meeting place, but the meeting place has a wall right down the middle of it, and there is no meaningful meeting at all--only the silence of your side of the wall. Only your presence residing in the space, along with the cold stones of the barrier.
And you tell yourself that you are not wrong to hold your ground. You tell yourself that the Other stands on their side of the wall, wrapped in their delusion and fed with their lies, and you, on your side, are much holier, and much more righteous, and much more connected with the truth.
And that you are right.
But it is small comfort when you realize that you are no less alone than they are, no less cut off from the pleasures of connection.
And so you question yourself, and wonder if, perhaps, it would be better and easier to let your passions and your beliefs and everything you know slip away and just give in and say, "You're right, you're right, you're ALWAYS right..."
But then you would have to live a traitor to that which you call your "truth"...
Here's the deal...
I cannot give in when so much is at stake. I cannot turn my back on my own truth and try to accept the truth of another just to reach a middle ground. I cannot deny the soft bonging I hear in my heart when I hear what is true, no matter how loud the shrieking, hysterical and panicked siren of the Other.
I can hear your hurt, Other. I can hear your fear. But I cannot embrace beyond that, and I cannot accept what hurts and frightens you by believing it is true.
It isn't. It just isn't. The bell in my heart lies silent--no resonance is heard in what you say. It feels false, for all your passion, and it feels unreasonable for all your attempts to justify it.
I cannot listen and feel anything but your panic and your pain.
And because I cannot accept and mirror that, and see myself as the murderer that your secret self whispers that I am, I am the enemy.
So be it.
The wall remains.