[FIC] Leaves falling - Uraboku
Title: Leaves falling
Author: Anae
Beta: Hiekkis (Thank you.)
Fandom: Uragiri wa boku no namae wo shitteiru / Betrayal knows my name
Characters/pairing: Hotsuma/Shusei
Rating: overall R
Spoilers: Erhm. Nothing very official.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Uraboku, it still belongs to Odagiri Hotaru. (Though I’d love to have these boys.) Neither do I own chapter names or the lyrics in those. They’re all from Dead by April (the title as well). The name of each chapter is a name of a song, and the lyrics are from that song.
Summary: How much can you take before falling apart and giving up something you‘ve always wanted? Past Hotsuma/Shusei.
Warnings: If something else than angst and past female-Shusei [check out A/N for the reason why (yes, I actually have a good reason)], it’ll be given in the chapter itself.
A/N: Erhm. I use Shusei as a girl for most of a time here, since this is a past-fic. Her being as a girl - it’s due to one post in stargazing love - community in livejournal. So it’s not totally my imagination, you know?
But why did I want to write this? Ever since I heard Shusei’s been a girl at least once, it made me wonder. What happened that she decided to give it up and become a boy? I mean, it was her big chance to be with Hotsuma. A lot easier way, no discrimination based on loving your own gender. And I’ve always, always seen Shusei as a very strong person. It had to take a lot for him to break down and give up that chance.
And this, this is how I imagine it happened.
Feedback: Please be so kind. (I’m quite unsure about this all, to tell the truth.)
Prologue - In my arms
“We will find a way to make this last.”
“You’re beautiful.”
For a moment, you could only hear the wind playing around with the autumn leaves of ancient trees. The world held it’s breath and along with it, so did a youngster and young girl whom he had said those words.
She turned around just to look him in the eyes. Her beautiful green eyes held the uneasiness and beneath it all, there was a fear. Fear that he didn’t mean those words. Fear that he was just trying to atone for leaving her alone years ago. But she didn’t want him to atone, she never did. It hadn’t been his fault.
The distress was there for another reason as well; she might’ve been pretty, but not beautiful. Yet she longed to hear those words again. “Thanks”, she answered quietly, quickly lowering her head to hide the faint colour of red rising to her pale cheeks. Even if the wind refused to blow her fears away, it helped hiding them by throwing the brown hair on the way.
“I mean it!” the boy growled without thinking, making the girl twitch and rise her head. His voice leaked emotions; determination like wind’s, desperation alike to girl’s and pure care. She pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear as green eyes captured the ones alike. “I mean it, Shusei”, he repeated, his voice lower, softer now. He desperately wanted Shusei to believe his words, to believe in him. He never lied, not to this person.
Because she was beautiful. A simple light dress, hands held to chest, eyes that showed emotions only to him, shoulder-length dark brown hair which wind refused to stop playing with, and the lonesome, somehow sad character. But beneath the surface, there was so much more; the caring, loving individual who tended to brush others off with a smile, only offering a glimpse of her soul for everyone to see. As long as he remembered, he had wanted to keep her safe, to stay inside her heart. Yet he had lusted for her… His fingers ran over the skinny, pale arm. “I wanted to tell you that earlier, too. I thought I had time. But then…”
Suddenly, she reached out, placing a long finger on his lips. She shook her head. She knew what he was about to say and didn’t want to hear, didn’t want to think such painful things when she finally had Hotsuma here again. In the previous life, he had died years before her. And he had been awfully young at the time, just a teenager when that Duras had appeared… She shook her head again, frantically this time. She didn’t want remember that time, the time of heart-breaking loneliness without a partner, without being able to continue living but being denied of death. Takashiro hadn’t let her.
She was awaken from her memories as the boy took her hand into his. He wasn’t aware of the details of time after his death and hadn’t dared to ask. But he knew the life had been so hard to Shusei even before that damn Duras has showed it‘s sword through his chest... In that life, Shusei’s had been reborn as a girl for the first time. It had been Shusei’s own wish and he, unlike the most Zweilts, knew why. They had loved and lusted for each other for so many lives but a romance between two men… It was a taboo, even among Zweilts.
It had been a shock to see Shusei as a girl for the first time. If someone claimed otherwise that was a pointless, futile lie. Hotsuma wasn’t sure if even Takashiro had known. Maybe he had, maybe he hadn’t. When the shock had faded, he had realised the [ei the, luulisin] why. Shusei had made his/her choice to bear the cross, deciding to endure the questioning and the challenges the gender brought. She had decided to sacrifice herself for their sake.
And then that Duras had appeared out of the blue, attacking Yuki, the God’s light, and he had died. He had manage to kill the bastard but lost his own life in the process, leaving Shusei behind. He had thought she would never try it again, but here she was, being a girl again, still willing to give them a chance they had secretly been wishing for.
“Shusei”, he whispered, hand holding hers, another’s fingers gently brushing those brown locks. He inhaled her unique scent, feeling home first time in ages. He had thought he’d never get this chance again, that he’d never be asking this question, and even if he would, it would be years from today, but he couldn’t risk losing it all again. He just couldn’t. Shusei was the one bearing the cross, and all he could do was to show her that she hadn’t done it for nothing. That he felt the same.
Yet he was plain scared. He was too scared to look her in the eye, almost too scared to speak. There was irony, him being God’s Voice and all, but still he feared to utter the four words.
“Will you… marry me?”
He kept his eyes closed, his heart skipped a beat. The world was all silent again, even the wind held it‘s breath, curious of the answer. If he had watched, he would’ve seen the smile lighting the whole world and such a shine in the eyes that even the sun would pale in comparison. And above all, he had seen the embodiment of love. The cold fingers shifted, sliding between his.
“I will.”
The was no hesitance in those words. They came with such ease. Hotsuma looked down at her just to see her head buried on his own chest. When looking closer, he could detect the faint redness colouring those pale cheeks. A stupid, happy grin spread across his face as he wrapped his arms around this person. One he had always loved. His… wife.
He loved the sound of that word and the promises it carried.
And so did she.
Finally, finally, they could have a chance.
Neither of them knew that the wheel of fate was turning again.
Author: Anae
Beta: Hiekkis (Thank you.)
Fandom: Uragiri wa boku no namae wo shitteiru / Betrayal knows my name
Characters/pairing: Hotsuma/Shusei
Rating: overall R
Spoilers: Erhm. Nothing very official.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Uraboku, it still belongs to Odagiri Hotaru. (Though I’d love to have these boys.) Neither do I own chapter names or the lyrics in those. They’re all from Dead by April (the title as well). The name of each chapter is a name of a song, and the lyrics are from that song.
Summary: How much can you take before falling apart and giving up something you‘ve always wanted? Past Hotsuma/Shusei.
Warnings: If something else than angst and past female-Shusei [check out A/N for the reason why (yes, I actually have a good reason)], it’ll be given in the chapter itself.
A/N: Erhm. I use Shusei as a girl for most of a time here, since this is a past-fic. Her being as a girl - it’s due to one post in stargazing love - community in livejournal. So it’s not totally my imagination, you know?
But why did I want to write this? Ever since I heard Shusei’s been a girl at least once, it made me wonder. What happened that she decided to give it up and become a boy? I mean, it was her big chance to be with Hotsuma. A lot easier way, no discrimination based on loving your own gender. And I’ve always, always seen Shusei as a very strong person. It had to take a lot for him to break down and give up that chance.
And this, this is how I imagine it happened.
Feedback: Please be so kind. (I’m quite unsure about this all, to tell the truth.)
Prologue - In my arms
“We will find a way to make this last.”
“You’re beautiful.”
For a moment, you could only hear the wind playing around with the autumn leaves of ancient trees. The world held it’s breath and along with it, so did a youngster and young girl whom he had said those words.
She turned around just to look him in the eyes. Her beautiful green eyes held the uneasiness and beneath it all, there was a fear. Fear that he didn’t mean those words. Fear that he was just trying to atone for leaving her alone years ago. But she didn’t want him to atone, she never did. It hadn’t been his fault.
The distress was there for another reason as well; she might’ve been pretty, but not beautiful. Yet she longed to hear those words again. “Thanks”, she answered quietly, quickly lowering her head to hide the faint colour of red rising to her pale cheeks. Even if the wind refused to blow her fears away, it helped hiding them by throwing the brown hair on the way.
“I mean it!” the boy growled without thinking, making the girl twitch and rise her head. His voice leaked emotions; determination like wind’s, desperation alike to girl’s and pure care. She pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear as green eyes captured the ones alike. “I mean it, Shusei”, he repeated, his voice lower, softer now. He desperately wanted Shusei to believe his words, to believe in him. He never lied, not to this person.
Because she was beautiful. A simple light dress, hands held to chest, eyes that showed emotions only to him, shoulder-length dark brown hair which wind refused to stop playing with, and the lonesome, somehow sad character. But beneath the surface, there was so much more; the caring, loving individual who tended to brush others off with a smile, only offering a glimpse of her soul for everyone to see. As long as he remembered, he had wanted to keep her safe, to stay inside her heart. Yet he had lusted for her… His fingers ran over the skinny, pale arm. “I wanted to tell you that earlier, too. I thought I had time. But then…”
Suddenly, she reached out, placing a long finger on his lips. She shook her head. She knew what he was about to say and didn’t want to hear, didn’t want to think such painful things when she finally had Hotsuma here again. In the previous life, he had died years before her. And he had been awfully young at the time, just a teenager when that Duras had appeared… She shook her head again, frantically this time. She didn’t want remember that time, the time of heart-breaking loneliness without a partner, without being able to continue living but being denied of death. Takashiro hadn’t let her.
She was awaken from her memories as the boy took her hand into his. He wasn’t aware of the details of time after his death and hadn’t dared to ask. But he knew the life had been so hard to Shusei even before that damn Duras has showed it‘s sword through his chest... In that life, Shusei’s had been reborn as a girl for the first time. It had been Shusei’s own wish and he, unlike the most Zweilts, knew why. They had loved and lusted for each other for so many lives but a romance between two men… It was a taboo, even among Zweilts.
It had been a shock to see Shusei as a girl for the first time. If someone claimed otherwise that was a pointless, futile lie. Hotsuma wasn’t sure if even Takashiro had known. Maybe he had, maybe he hadn’t. When the shock had faded, he had realised the [ei the, luulisin] why. Shusei had made his/her choice to bear the cross, deciding to endure the questioning and the challenges the gender brought. She had decided to sacrifice herself for their sake.
And then that Duras had appeared out of the blue, attacking Yuki, the God’s light, and he had died. He had manage to kill the bastard but lost his own life in the process, leaving Shusei behind. He had thought she would never try it again, but here she was, being a girl again, still willing to give them a chance they had secretly been wishing for.
“Shusei”, he whispered, hand holding hers, another’s fingers gently brushing those brown locks. He inhaled her unique scent, feeling home first time in ages. He had thought he’d never get this chance again, that he’d never be asking this question, and even if he would, it would be years from today, but he couldn’t risk losing it all again. He just couldn’t. Shusei was the one bearing the cross, and all he could do was to show her that she hadn’t done it for nothing. That he felt the same.
Yet he was plain scared. He was too scared to look her in the eye, almost too scared to speak. There was irony, him being God’s Voice and all, but still he feared to utter the four words.
“Will you… marry me?”
He kept his eyes closed, his heart skipped a beat. The world was all silent again, even the wind held it‘s breath, curious of the answer. If he had watched, he would’ve seen the smile lighting the whole world and such a shine in the eyes that even the sun would pale in comparison. And above all, he had seen the embodiment of love. The cold fingers shifted, sliding between his.
“I will.”
The was no hesitance in those words. They came with such ease. Hotsuma looked down at her just to see her head buried on his own chest. When looking closer, he could detect the faint redness colouring those pale cheeks. A stupid, happy grin spread across his face as he wrapped his arms around this person. One he had always loved. His… wife.
He loved the sound of that word and the promises it carried.
And so did she.
Finally, finally, they could have a chance.
Neither of them knew that the wheel of fate was turning again.