FIC: Amaryllis - Chapter 17: Can't erase it
Title: Amaryllis - Chapter 17 - Can’t erase it
Author: Anae
Beta: Tegthe (Thanks a bunch again!)
Fandom: Uragiri wa boku no namae wo shitteiru - Betrayal knows my name
Characters/pairing: Shusei/Hotsuma
Rating: eventual M/NC-17 (because it's gonna take while - boys need to grow up, plus well, manga wasn't too helpful for hot scenes)
Spoilers: overall thorough the manga/anime
Disclaimer: After finishing and re-working with this, I would deserve the boys, but no. Not mine. The song used belongs to Shinedown.
Summary: Both Shusei and Hotsuma struggled with their fates, with themselves ever since they were kids. This is how it happened - how two children grew up to be Zweilts, partners, and eventually, grew to understand and love each other.
A/N: Ever since I first saw Uraboku and how Hotsuma acted when he saw Shusei's scars, I couldn't help but think how bad it was in the beginning. Things get easier with time, and that was how bad it still was for them, then how was the beginning? This chapter focuses around that, and well, it is angsty. But I enjoyed writing it - hope you like to read it, too.
Next week's chapter might be a little late - I'm back in my home country and moving, and my beta is on a trip. Just to let you know, in case you'll be wondering. :)
Ps. Do you know the symbolic meaning of Amaryllis? "Success won after a struggle."
Chapter 17 - Can’t erase it
I can’t erase it because it's with me every day
The strangest feeling that never goes away
The days blended into each other’s - Shusei’s wounds were healing, little by little, causing less pain every passing day.
With Hotsuma, they left the subject as it was - the blonde wasn’t keen on picking it up again, and Shusei stayed silent about it for both of their sakes.
Quickly enough, Shusei started to hide the slowly healing burns - every time Hotsuma saw them, anguish flashed in his eyes and the regret and self-loathing surfaced, becoming visible. It was better to hide them from his vision - as things were, it was the only thing Shusei could do for his partner.
Hiding the scars didn’t really affect their daily lives - normal clothes hid the marks easily, and since they had separate bedrooms, the changing was simple as well. The only thing it visibly affected was bathing. It was only after Hotsuma finished bathing, that Shusei entered the room - it wasn’t hard for Tsukumo to notice that he was doing it on purpose. The white-haired boy said nothing about it, understanding how fragile the subject itself was - it didn’t take genius to find that out, and besides, Tsukumo could read people better than anyone.
Usually, Tsukumo was also gone by the time Shusei came in - but on one day, that wasn’t the case. When Shusei entered, Tsukumo was still in the room, switching his clothes back on.
“Welcome back.” Ever so cheerfully, he greeted the older Zweilt - Shusei had been gone for most of the day. Takashiro had wished to see him, to discuss about his powers’ development - it had been slow lately, due to the accident, so the Giou clan leader wished him to do his best and get his powers to the fullest - the war was getting closer. They would need everything they got, and Shusei’s powers were one of the most useful to Takashiro himself as well - in the bureaucratic world humans lived in, it was important to keep an independent, useful political stance; Shusei’s “Eyes of God” was one of the greatest tools for that.
“Thank you”, Shusei answered politely, starting to undress.
As Shusei unbuttoned his shirt and discarded it, he noticed the younger boy looking at the almost healed wounds.
Upon noticing that he was discovered, Tsukumo spoke up. “Ah. Sorry for staring.”
“It’s fine”, Shusei told him. He didn’t think anything of the scars - it was Hotsuma who was pained by them.
“It’s my first time seeing them.” That was right - Tsukumo hadn’t seen them before, even if Shusei had been able to bathe normally for a good while now. That was because Tsukumo always bathed with Hotsuma, thus never seeing Shusei without his clothes. “They’ve healed well, I suppose.”
Shusei just nodded - he didn’t know what to answer. It was true, he had recovered quicker than the doctors in the hospital had expected - whether that was due to Isuzu’s care, him being a Zweilt or his will to get back on his feet as quickly as possible, Shusei didn’t know.
Tsukumo’s gentle voice pulled him back to the present, away from his thoughts. “Do you mind if I…”
Shusei shook his head, understanding the unsure gesture. Slowly, carefully, the white-haired boy closed the distance between them, pale fingers ghosting over the scars. They were still slightly redder than what they’d be in the future, but it was becoming clear how big scars would be left behind after the healing process would be finished.
Tsukumo’s touch was feather-light as he traced the scarred skin on the left side on Shusei’s chest, right above his heart. The skin couldn’t sense the touch, much due to the fact that it was a skin transplant, but there was just the slightest tingling feeling on the sides.
“They will scar.” Tsukumo’s voice was clear and quiet - he was merely stating the fact. The boy’s light gaze traced upon the markings before he lifted his head to look Shusei in the eye. “This is why you don’t bathe with us, right?”
Tsukumo didn’t need an answer, didn’t even want to force Shusei to give one - lately, it had become harder and harder to read Shusei’s heart. It was like the older boy was putting an ice barrier between himself and the rest of the world, so thick that even Tsukumo, who was ‘Ear of God’ and was able to read people’s emotions and hearts, couldn’t hear through it.
The white-haired boy was sensitive to other people’s emotions, but he didn’t have the ability to reach their hearts - just like he didn’t have the ability to heal others. Only Yuki could do that, but at least he could hear and see the pain that existed. “Is it because Hotsuma still feels guilty?”
Shusei took Tsukumo’s hand in his, gently pulling it down - Tsukumo wasn’t Yuki, but he had always been there, a gentle and caring presence. He meant no harm - the boy wouldn’t harm a fly - and he didn’t look at Shusei with his eyes filled with pity. No, Tsukumo was genuinely worried about Shusei and Hotsuma - but then again, there was nothing he could do to make it alright.
Shusei knew it by now - Yuki was the only one who could heal Hotsuma’s wounds. It might not have been possible in their previous lives, since the two had always been at odds with each other, and Yuki, as the clan’s princess, had been out of reach for them. But now, Yuki had been reborn as a boy. This time, they might be able to reach out to him and he might be able to reach out to them - then, Yuki would be able to heal Hotsuma.
“Don’t worry about it”, Shusei said, voice low. He put up a small, false smile - a mask that he was slowly starting to master - and let go of Tsukumo’s hand. It was better like this, not to worry the other boy, or anyone else either.
Shusei quickly discarded the rest of his clothing, and as he presented his back to the younger boy, he gave a small wave. Before Tsukumo could say anything - not that the boy would’ve, he was too considerate of other’s feelings to say something that was out of place - Shusei entered the bathtub, closing the door behind him.
The brunette slipped into the bathtub, resting his back against the ceramic tiles, closing his eyes. Just staying like this was calming - at least for a second, the worries of the world could be forgotten.
As if it would be that easy.
Shusei opened his eyes, stretching out his hand in front of him, palm towards the sky. It took only a few seconds for a light blue sphere with a cross to appear there. It was emitting a cold, light blue light, glowing in the dimly lighted bathtub.
As Shusei called forth another, to his side, Takashiro’s words echoed in his head. I know you’ve had it rough lately, but it is necessary for you to get your powers to fully awaken as soon as possible. Shusei knew that even without Takashiro reminding him - Hotsuma’s powers had fully awakened on that day in the hospital, and there was no way Tsukumo and Toko would not be prepared and ready for the battles to come.
More spheres appeared. They started circling around the boy - faster and faster, faster than the eye could see, making it look like a blue circle of light was running around the boy - until the movement suddenly stopped before accelerating again.
It was no longer an issue to use the spheres and control them - as a matter of fact, it was quite easy already. At least he could count on those in the battle.
After a long while, Shusei left the bathtub - he was cleaned already, and it was getting late. There was still something he needed to do.
As Shusei started dressing up again, he noticed a small paper nearby. The brunette took the paper in his hand to see what was written on it.
You’re like a family to us.
- Tsukumo
That was so like Tsukumo. Shusei looked down on the table, noticing a handful of wrapped candy there. When he looked at the paper again, he noticed the words written beneath the name.
Ps. Hope this helps you to cheer up.
As Shusei looked from the candy to the paper, a tiny, genuine smile rose on his lips.
So like Tsukumo, indeed.
Author: Anae
Beta: Tegthe (Thanks a bunch again!)
Fandom: Uragiri wa boku no namae wo shitteiru - Betrayal knows my name
Characters/pairing: Shusei/Hotsuma
Rating: eventual M/NC-17 (because it's gonna take while - boys need to grow up, plus well, manga wasn't too helpful for hot scenes)
Spoilers: overall thorough the manga/anime
Disclaimer: After finishing and re-working with this, I would deserve the boys, but no. Not mine. The song used belongs to Shinedown.
Summary: Both Shusei and Hotsuma struggled with their fates, with themselves ever since they were kids. This is how it happened - how two children grew up to be Zweilts, partners, and eventually, grew to understand and love each other.
A/N: Ever since I first saw Uraboku and how Hotsuma acted when he saw Shusei's scars, I couldn't help but think how bad it was in the beginning. Things get easier with time, and that was how bad it still was for them, then how was the beginning? This chapter focuses around that, and well, it is angsty. But I enjoyed writing it - hope you like to read it, too.
Next week's chapter might be a little late - I'm back in my home country and moving, and my beta is on a trip. Just to let you know, in case you'll be wondering. :)
Ps. Do you know the symbolic meaning of Amaryllis? "Success won after a struggle."
Chapter 17 - Can’t erase it
I can’t erase it because it's with me every day
The strangest feeling that never goes away
The days blended into each other’s - Shusei’s wounds were healing, little by little, causing less pain every passing day.
With Hotsuma, they left the subject as it was - the blonde wasn’t keen on picking it up again, and Shusei stayed silent about it for both of their sakes.
Quickly enough, Shusei started to hide the slowly healing burns - every time Hotsuma saw them, anguish flashed in his eyes and the regret and self-loathing surfaced, becoming visible. It was better to hide them from his vision - as things were, it was the only thing Shusei could do for his partner.
Hiding the scars didn’t really affect their daily lives - normal clothes hid the marks easily, and since they had separate bedrooms, the changing was simple as well. The only thing it visibly affected was bathing. It was only after Hotsuma finished bathing, that Shusei entered the room - it wasn’t hard for Tsukumo to notice that he was doing it on purpose. The white-haired boy said nothing about it, understanding how fragile the subject itself was - it didn’t take genius to find that out, and besides, Tsukumo could read people better than anyone.
Usually, Tsukumo was also gone by the time Shusei came in - but on one day, that wasn’t the case. When Shusei entered, Tsukumo was still in the room, switching his clothes back on.
“Welcome back.” Ever so cheerfully, he greeted the older Zweilt - Shusei had been gone for most of the day. Takashiro had wished to see him, to discuss about his powers’ development - it had been slow lately, due to the accident, so the Giou clan leader wished him to do his best and get his powers to the fullest - the war was getting closer. They would need everything they got, and Shusei’s powers were one of the most useful to Takashiro himself as well - in the bureaucratic world humans lived in, it was important to keep an independent, useful political stance; Shusei’s “Eyes of God” was one of the greatest tools for that.
“Thank you”, Shusei answered politely, starting to undress.
As Shusei unbuttoned his shirt and discarded it, he noticed the younger boy looking at the almost healed wounds.
Upon noticing that he was discovered, Tsukumo spoke up. “Ah. Sorry for staring.”
“It’s fine”, Shusei told him. He didn’t think anything of the scars - it was Hotsuma who was pained by them.
“It’s my first time seeing them.” That was right - Tsukumo hadn’t seen them before, even if Shusei had been able to bathe normally for a good while now. That was because Tsukumo always bathed with Hotsuma, thus never seeing Shusei without his clothes. “They’ve healed well, I suppose.”
Shusei just nodded - he didn’t know what to answer. It was true, he had recovered quicker than the doctors in the hospital had expected - whether that was due to Isuzu’s care, him being a Zweilt or his will to get back on his feet as quickly as possible, Shusei didn’t know.
Tsukumo’s gentle voice pulled him back to the present, away from his thoughts. “Do you mind if I…”
Shusei shook his head, understanding the unsure gesture. Slowly, carefully, the white-haired boy closed the distance between them, pale fingers ghosting over the scars. They were still slightly redder than what they’d be in the future, but it was becoming clear how big scars would be left behind after the healing process would be finished.
Tsukumo’s touch was feather-light as he traced the scarred skin on the left side on Shusei’s chest, right above his heart. The skin couldn’t sense the touch, much due to the fact that it was a skin transplant, but there was just the slightest tingling feeling on the sides.
“They will scar.” Tsukumo’s voice was clear and quiet - he was merely stating the fact. The boy’s light gaze traced upon the markings before he lifted his head to look Shusei in the eye. “This is why you don’t bathe with us, right?”
Tsukumo didn’t need an answer, didn’t even want to force Shusei to give one - lately, it had become harder and harder to read Shusei’s heart. It was like the older boy was putting an ice barrier between himself and the rest of the world, so thick that even Tsukumo, who was ‘Ear of God’ and was able to read people’s emotions and hearts, couldn’t hear through it.
The white-haired boy was sensitive to other people’s emotions, but he didn’t have the ability to reach their hearts - just like he didn’t have the ability to heal others. Only Yuki could do that, but at least he could hear and see the pain that existed. “Is it because Hotsuma still feels guilty?”
Shusei took Tsukumo’s hand in his, gently pulling it down - Tsukumo wasn’t Yuki, but he had always been there, a gentle and caring presence. He meant no harm - the boy wouldn’t harm a fly - and he didn’t look at Shusei with his eyes filled with pity. No, Tsukumo was genuinely worried about Shusei and Hotsuma - but then again, there was nothing he could do to make it alright.
Shusei knew it by now - Yuki was the only one who could heal Hotsuma’s wounds. It might not have been possible in their previous lives, since the two had always been at odds with each other, and Yuki, as the clan’s princess, had been out of reach for them. But now, Yuki had been reborn as a boy. This time, they might be able to reach out to him and he might be able to reach out to them - then, Yuki would be able to heal Hotsuma.
“Don’t worry about it”, Shusei said, voice low. He put up a small, false smile - a mask that he was slowly starting to master - and let go of Tsukumo’s hand. It was better like this, not to worry the other boy, or anyone else either.
Shusei quickly discarded the rest of his clothing, and as he presented his back to the younger boy, he gave a small wave. Before Tsukumo could say anything - not that the boy would’ve, he was too considerate of other’s feelings to say something that was out of place - Shusei entered the bathtub, closing the door behind him.
The brunette slipped into the bathtub, resting his back against the ceramic tiles, closing his eyes. Just staying like this was calming - at least for a second, the worries of the world could be forgotten.
As if it would be that easy.
Shusei opened his eyes, stretching out his hand in front of him, palm towards the sky. It took only a few seconds for a light blue sphere with a cross to appear there. It was emitting a cold, light blue light, glowing in the dimly lighted bathtub.
As Shusei called forth another, to his side, Takashiro’s words echoed in his head. I know you’ve had it rough lately, but it is necessary for you to get your powers to fully awaken as soon as possible. Shusei knew that even without Takashiro reminding him - Hotsuma’s powers had fully awakened on that day in the hospital, and there was no way Tsukumo and Toko would not be prepared and ready for the battles to come.
More spheres appeared. They started circling around the boy - faster and faster, faster than the eye could see, making it look like a blue circle of light was running around the boy - until the movement suddenly stopped before accelerating again.
It was no longer an issue to use the spheres and control them - as a matter of fact, it was quite easy already. At least he could count on those in the battle.
After a long while, Shusei left the bathtub - he was cleaned already, and it was getting late. There was still something he needed to do.
As Shusei started dressing up again, he noticed a small paper nearby. The brunette took the paper in his hand to see what was written on it.
You’re like a family to us.
- Tsukumo
That was so like Tsukumo. Shusei looked down on the table, noticing a handful of wrapped candy there. When he looked at the paper again, he noticed the words written beneath the name.
Ps. Hope this helps you to cheer up.
As Shusei looked from the candy to the paper, a tiny, genuine smile rose on his lips.
So like Tsukumo, indeed.