(no subject)
i just can't give a fuck about this essay for some reason.
when i did my presentation about it i was aware that i didn't understand it fully but my tutor wouldn't help me to understand it. he shouted down what i knew was relevant and refused to listen to me. i really don't like him. he sits on a desk and looks down at all the students. he is only a student himself but he acts like he is superior to us. even my professor in my other classes doesn't act like she is better than us. he's such a fucking instructor. academic minds are equal. the only way to get the most out of a tutorial is if everyone is equal and contributing their ideas. he stops that from happening. sometimes he has said embarrassing things about my analysis of texts in class. it has really made me want to avoid his class. i wish i had never done this unit. i had to work out by myself what i thought of the text without his help but with his active opposition in mind, and it has taken me way too long. why didn't he help me to understand?
trying to write this essay is really hard because i have to submit it to him for marking. i have to go with my own analysis of the text, even though he has already told me that there is nothing in it. so i have to go against someone who is the only person with an impact on my result, but i already know that he feels negatively about it. know what i mean? it's very demotivating. i don't want to explain myself to him. i don't want to argue.
my psychiatrist said she'd give me a letter to explain my absence from class but she hasn't posted it to me. i kind of wish she would post it to me already. it's been over a week since she said she would do it. i have dealt with a real lot this semester and i really think it has affected my attendance. earlier this semester i was still having unformed psychotic episodes and delusions. and since i have been very emotional. how am i supposed to concetrate on my work being so full of rage that i can't sleep and so full of grief that i cry all day? it all seems unfair. it's hard to keep in mind that i just wanted to recommence study. i wish my parents would have sent me to st john's where they have a proper attitude to teaching.
i want a rest. i don't want to think about this anymore. i want to go back to the gym and focus on my health. i want to go away with travis now. i feel like i can only fail this course and there's no point trying to complete it. i've accepted that i'm going to fail and i just want to chuck it away and do better next time. i fucking hate it but i have to try and do this. it's just really hard.
when i did my presentation about it i was aware that i didn't understand it fully but my tutor wouldn't help me to understand it. he shouted down what i knew was relevant and refused to listen to me. i really don't like him. he sits on a desk and looks down at all the students. he is only a student himself but he acts like he is superior to us. even my professor in my other classes doesn't act like she is better than us. he's such a fucking instructor. academic minds are equal. the only way to get the most out of a tutorial is if everyone is equal and contributing their ideas. he stops that from happening. sometimes he has said embarrassing things about my analysis of texts in class. it has really made me want to avoid his class. i wish i had never done this unit. i had to work out by myself what i thought of the text without his help but with his active opposition in mind, and it has taken me way too long. why didn't he help me to understand?
trying to write this essay is really hard because i have to submit it to him for marking. i have to go with my own analysis of the text, even though he has already told me that there is nothing in it. so i have to go against someone who is the only person with an impact on my result, but i already know that he feels negatively about it. know what i mean? it's very demotivating. i don't want to explain myself to him. i don't want to argue.
my psychiatrist said she'd give me a letter to explain my absence from class but she hasn't posted it to me. i kind of wish she would post it to me already. it's been over a week since she said she would do it. i have dealt with a real lot this semester and i really think it has affected my attendance. earlier this semester i was still having unformed psychotic episodes and delusions. and since i have been very emotional. how am i supposed to concetrate on my work being so full of rage that i can't sleep and so full of grief that i cry all day? it all seems unfair. it's hard to keep in mind that i just wanted to recommence study. i wish my parents would have sent me to st john's where they have a proper attitude to teaching.
i want a rest. i don't want to think about this anymore. i want to go back to the gym and focus on my health. i want to go away with travis now. i feel like i can only fail this course and there's no point trying to complete it. i've accepted that i'm going to fail and i just want to chuck it away and do better next time. i fucking hate it but i have to try and do this. it's just really hard.