SAME OLD, SAME OLD.

[ana_crazylily]

Today was a boring day. I had nothing to do, I went to downtown and into Bakersfield. I have nothing to do during the week days, I just sit on my A** or lay down. I try to enjoy live, but I just can't. I asked my ex b/f, "Why didn't you just kill me when you had the chance?" And he told me that he can't live without me. I told him I can't live like this, not working or going to school. He said, "Why don't you look for someone with money and a car." I told him, "I'm not looking for a guy with money, I just need someone who cares for me and will take care of me." Life for me is boring I can't make it positive anymore. I use to look at the bright side, when I was going to High School, but not anymore. People think that it's easy to be me, but it's not. Yes there's a s*** load of guys after me, but it's not that special one. Every night I pray and I end up crying. Why can't people just leave me alone. I cry for my suffering, But my suffering is not satisfied, it wants more. I'm going to keep on suffering until, I get what I desereve, in a way i think I think I deserve to die. I've made my parents suffer alot because they never understand me, they were just like every one else. They expected me to know everything. I'm only 19 and they expect me to know about life, when they didn't let me experince it. My aunt told me to move in with her, but I have the feeling that it's the same where ever I go. I just miss my family even thou they don't love me.
We'll see tommorrow,
Ana_crazylily