*sighs*
I am seriously thinking I may need to start saving some money all on the secretive tip.
Not sure how much longer I can take this marriage. I have been trying to patch things for...over a year..they keep getting worse. The week after Brendan was born he was absolutely wonderful to me...now..I am left in tears. Every day...and I have tried to communicate with him..it's not working. I have asked him to get counseling..no..I have asked for couples marriage counseling....no...i have told him I may try to find counseling again because I have been upset so much by him that I have had visions of hurting myself. Then I get called crazy for thinking that. I didn't do it did I? I know it's a problem...I tried to be honest and communicate that problem to him so he understood the point I am at now....then he thinks its all just post partum depression...um, no...the boy is my only joy now. if it were post partum it would be the opposite. I have thoughts of running off to live in Arizona with my family..me and Brendan.
btw..I am back at work now..second day. his mom is watching brendan 2 days a week for about a month...at first i loved it, is saving us 50 bucks each week on daycare...now..now that i am told that the comfort of whoever is watching him is more important than my comfort in what they are doing....now that my sons schedule that i was just getting established is being fucked up because he cried an hour after eating and she figured she would just feed him to quiet him and i am told not to be concerned about this...i am thinking i would rather eat ramen noodles and have him in daycare 5 days.
i am at a breaking point. it is up to me..and only me whether i crumble now or stand strong. once again it is me against the world, story of my life..except now it is me and brendan against the world....
how did i ever get into this mess? how did he change so drastically from the man i married...in just 2 short years? will i ever have happiness? i mean..complete happiness in all aspects? or, at least most aspects?
well...i gotta run now...or I will begin bawling at work, and that would be bad.
Not sure how much longer I can take this marriage. I have been trying to patch things for...over a year..they keep getting worse. The week after Brendan was born he was absolutely wonderful to me...now..I am left in tears. Every day...and I have tried to communicate with him..it's not working. I have asked him to get counseling..no..I have asked for couples marriage counseling....no...i have told him I may try to find counseling again because I have been upset so much by him that I have had visions of hurting myself. Then I get called crazy for thinking that. I didn't do it did I? I know it's a problem...I tried to be honest and communicate that problem to him so he understood the point I am at now....then he thinks its all just post partum depression...um, no...the boy is my only joy now. if it were post partum it would be the opposite. I have thoughts of running off to live in Arizona with my family..me and Brendan.
btw..I am back at work now..second day. his mom is watching brendan 2 days a week for about a month...at first i loved it, is saving us 50 bucks each week on daycare...now..now that i am told that the comfort of whoever is watching him is more important than my comfort in what they are doing....now that my sons schedule that i was just getting established is being fucked up because he cried an hour after eating and she figured she would just feed him to quiet him and i am told not to be concerned about this...i am thinking i would rather eat ramen noodles and have him in daycare 5 days.
i am at a breaking point. it is up to me..and only me whether i crumble now or stand strong. once again it is me against the world, story of my life..except now it is me and brendan against the world....
how did i ever get into this mess? how did he change so drastically from the man i married...in just 2 short years? will i ever have happiness? i mean..complete happiness in all aspects? or, at least most aspects?
well...i gotta run now...or I will begin bawling at work, and that would be bad.