Comments | an_only_tree: I never know what to get people for their birthdays

an_only_tree

I never know what to get people for their birthdays

Jun 30, 2013 16:01

Title: Coordinates
Rating: Er... you better be an adult. It's smut, OK? Whatever rating people use for smut these days.
Summary: They fuck in Manchester a lot.

Believe it or not, this was inspired by a Stewart Downing interview.

( Sorry, I realize that might be the ULTIMATE boner killer... Also, I've never written anything like this before so... you know... warnings apply. )

happy birthday querida!

Comments 15

falange84 June 30 2013, 15:56:06 UTC

Jesus. And the award for best use of an ice-cube in fic goes to...

an_only_tree June 30 2013, 16:35:35 UTC

*hides* I REALLY haven't written anything like this before, I suppose I'm overcompensating. Ahem.

falange84 June 30 2013, 17:52:47 UTC

Overcompensate away, please! Loved it. <3

anaile20gh June 30 2013, 16:06:35 UTC

YOU WRITE SMUT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
YOU WRITE SMUT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
YOU ACTUALLY USED THE WORDS DICK AND COCK AND WRITE SMUT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!
YOU INCLUDED KLOPP!!!!! YOU ACTUALLY INCLUDED KLOPP!!!!
YOU USED ICE CUBE!!!!!!!!! ICE CUBEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU MADE STEVIE RAMMED HARD INTO XABI'S ASS AN ICE CUBE!! ICE CUBE!!!...I still don't believe you did it!!

I read this like three times already and I'm still in awe because...YOU INCLUDED KLOPP...and you know what he makes to my heart!!! There aren’t even that many eyewitnesses just now, most of his fellow reporters starting to cluster in the opposite corner of the press area getting ready to have a good, long, sticky wank over every one of Jürgen Klopp’s uproarious guffaws.... OHMIGODBECAUSEIT'STRUE!!!!!

His tongue flickers down lower over a small scab on Xabi’s neck and he bites it open, making the cut sting again, filling his mouth with a metal-edged saltiness as Xabi keens against him and his vision whites out. OHMIGODYESHURTTHATFUCKER!!!!!!!! They hurt ( ... )

an_only_tree June 30 2013, 17:02:47 UTC

YOU INCLUDED KLOPP!!!!! YOU ACTUALLY INCLUDED KLOPP!!!!

Just in case someone clicks on comments first to open the link and reads them before they actually read the story... I did NOT in fact write Klopp into a threesome. I did NOT write Klopp!smut. The only way he's being written into smut is with an embarrassing self-insert-type Mary Sue (or two). S/X can fuck off with their telenovela and leave Klopp to US.

STEVIE FUCKS LIKE HE PLAYS IS GOING TO BE ATTACHED FOREVER IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD!!!!

You know I write things that are at least partially true...

unmomentoxfavor June 30 2013, 18:21:48 UTC

"If Footballer A drives from Cadiz and Footballer B from the Algarve, how long before they come all over each other, fucking frantically against the wall of a suburban apartment in Huelva, paid for with Mikel’s credit card?" I'd be better in maths if my teachers had used this kind of example in their exercises! lol! and... OH. MY. GOD “Been waiting for a week to see you smack Mario whatshisface… that Justin Bieber-faced little shit… and don’t even try to pretend you don’t know who that is,” spits coffee everywhere* I can't stop laughing at your 'hatred' over Mario... too funny!
I LOVED IT!
my favourite line was "They fuck in Manchester a lot. Stevie blames UEFA." best!
amazing bday gift, btw!

an_only_tree June 30 2013, 21:47:29 UTC

You know he'd be freaked out by THAT of all things, it was easy to picture it. As were... other things.

I was exorcising some BVB demons with this story too, but come on... those were epic games and the little shit was REALLY good and made Xabi look really lost and helpless (and old) and his eyes in the post-match interviews... well... it doesn't take a lot to get me started, even if I end up writing filthy smut in the end.

gerlonso June 30 2013, 19:06:44 UTC

Oh dear lord that ice cube. That was a surprise lmao. BUT MY, WHAT WONDERFUL SMUT YOU WRITE ♥

an_only_tree June 30 2013, 22:09:31 UTC

It's only kinky the first time. ;) This is my first time writing smut, I'm already blase about it. :D

antares86 June 30 2013, 20:06:07 UTC

"They fuck in Manchester a lot. Stevie blames UEFA."
Lol and Sir Alex, don't ever forget.
"Stevie fucks like he plays."
Wow I don't think I will stop thinking about it any time soon. Playground for my imagination ;)
"They’re good at this, at hurting each other. Practice makes perfect."
Sigh. They are, aren't they? And they have a lot of practice.

And ice-cube is unbeatable x) Great smut.

an_only_tree June 30 2013, 22:15:50 UTC

I think this is one thing we could all forgive Sir Alex rather than blame him for...

I don't think I will stop thinking about it any time soon.

For the record, according to what he told Spanish (but of course) media, that part is canon:

( ... )