Fic Commentary
-for evangelin1202 from this meme. Go request a commentary if you'd like!
She starts to bend over to retrieve her pen, but he is quicker than she is. He grabs the cheap ball point pen - Topher’s, he knows, DeWitt would never choose it on her own - that rests near the tip of her brown leather shoe. He stands up slowly, following the length of legs encased in beige silk stockings, nearly as pale as her skin.
Obviously I was going for the sensual thing here. Yeah. Trying to convey a lot of things, I guess, actually. A slightly tense DeWitt - using Topher's pen - but also, because I couldn't help myself, trying to be subtle and say a teeny little something about Adelle and Topher's relationship. They're so adorable, in any capacity. I also wanted to show that Dominic notices those really physical (er, sort of physical) things without really sexualizing Adelle. I mean, at least not yet. This is me, after all; there will be something electric. So... yes. I could have gone further, I guess, though I did add in a little something else later. I also thought it was important to show, for lack of a better term, Dominic's subservience. I get the feeling maybe Adelle takes him the slightest bit for granted? Possibly, and I think that made it easier for him to be all sneaky and spy-ish.
"Your pen, Ms. DeWitt,” he says, handing it back to her.
She smiles tightly, professionally, as she grabs the end of the pen. They hold it there, together, for half a moment; her eyes never leave his. The she steps back, walking briskly to her desk. She sits, elegantly as always, crossing her ankles as she spins her chair to her desk. He gently pushes her chair in.
Ooh! Ooh, I absolutely love him pushing her chair in! To me, that image just works. And her ankles are crossed, almost like she's expecting him to do it, but the way I picture it is so totally without expectation! Again, it doesn't really add anything other than the things I've already mentioned, but the way he goes about it - so naturally, how they're so in synch. I love it. I also love the Adelle tight smile - she does it a lot, in sort of tense moments, or when her mind's sort of elsewhere. I didn't know how else to describe it, but that's definitely something that ties to canon. Had to include it! Also... eyesex. Have to have some good DeWitt/Dominic eyesex.
“I’m going to have to… take another trip,” she says, opening a file. Her hair spills over her nearly-bare shoulders, curls dancing down the soft, crimson silk. Sensual~ She is always impeccably dressed, always perfectly put together. She is so unassuming - naïve in her own way; Adelle DeWitt is the epitome of control. She is neat, orderly, locked up tight. His hand grips the back of her chair as he thinks, for just a moment, the kind of chaos that she will inevitably face.
Aww, Dominic feels bad. I wonder if she ever calls him "Lawrence." That's not really important to the story, though, ha ha. But yes! I thought that was an interesting insight - I mean, okay, I guess not particularly insightful as the series sort of shows us that Adelle's a bit naïve, but I think it's significant here that Dominic notices.
She leans back a little and notices his hand. He draws back, knuckles brushing her shoulder. Her skin is softer than the silk.
Again, not sexualized. For me, this really builds the tension in a story. I mean... To be told "And he found her sexy as all hell" works, but it's so much hotter later on when it's this kind of subconscious thing. I think, anway? I like this build-up for them. It's just fact, to him - her skin is softer than the silk. Even though that's probably not true, because I mean, we've all felt silk, but it implies something like electricity, like it feels so good to touch her skin and he doesn't realize it, so he equates it to softness.
“A trip?” he asks, walking around to the front of her desk, absently adjusting his tie.
A bit hot around the collar, are we? Heh.
She nods, almost imperceptibly, and continues shuffling her papers. How, he wonders, can she act so unaware, when to him her very presence is spread out to every corner of the room.
Again, that build-up. Adelle has presence, even if sometimes she does turn it off. Dominic's feeling it now, certainly.
“Going to see the higher-ups?”
Her lips purse. “Yes,” she says, obviously displeased by this fact.
Aaaand... Yeah, that's as far as I got. I suppose I could bring this back out and work on it more? Maybe one day I will.
~~~
-for this snippet.
She starts to bend over to retrieve her pen, but he is quicker than she is. He grabs the cheap ball point pen - Topher’s, he knows, DeWitt would never choose it on her own - that rests near the tip of her brown leather shoe. He stands up slowly, following the length of legs encased in beige silk stockings, nearly as pale as her skin.
Obviously I was going for the sensual thing here. Yeah. Trying to convey a lot of things, I guess, actually. A slightly tense DeWitt - using Topher's pen - but also, because I couldn't help myself, trying to be subtle and say a teeny little something about Adelle and Topher's relationship. They're so adorable, in any capacity. I also wanted to show that Dominic notices those really physical (er, sort of physical) things without really sexualizing Adelle. I mean, at least not yet. This is me, after all; there will be something electric. So... yes. I could have gone further, I guess, though I did add in a little something else later. I also thought it was important to show, for lack of a better term, Dominic's subservience. I get the feeling maybe Adelle takes him the slightest bit for granted? Possibly, and I think that made it easier for him to be all sneaky and spy-ish.
"Your pen, Ms. DeWitt,” he says, handing it back to her.
She smiles tightly, professionally, as she grabs the end of the pen. They hold it there, together, for half a moment; her eyes never leave his. The she steps back, walking briskly to her desk. She sits, elegantly as always, crossing her ankles as she spins her chair to her desk. He gently pushes her chair in.
Ooh! Ooh, I absolutely love him pushing her chair in! To me, that image just works. And her ankles are crossed, almost like she's expecting him to do it, but the way I picture it is so totally without expectation! Again, it doesn't really add anything other than the things I've already mentioned, but the way he goes about it - so naturally, how they're so in synch. I love it. I also love the Adelle tight smile - she does it a lot, in sort of tense moments, or when her mind's sort of elsewhere. I didn't know how else to describe it, but that's definitely something that ties to canon. Had to include it! Also... eyesex. Have to have some good DeWitt/Dominic eyesex.
“I’m going to have to… take another trip,” she says, opening a file. Her hair spills over her nearly-bare shoulders, curls dancing down the soft, crimson silk. Sensual~ She is always impeccably dressed, always perfectly put together. She is so unassuming - naïve in her own way; Adelle DeWitt is the epitome of control. She is neat, orderly, locked up tight. His hand grips the back of her chair as he thinks, for just a moment, the kind of chaos that she will inevitably face.
Aww, Dominic feels bad. I wonder if she ever calls him "Lawrence." That's not really important to the story, though, ha ha. But yes! I thought that was an interesting insight - I mean, okay, I guess not particularly insightful as the series sort of shows us that Adelle's a bit naïve, but I think it's significant here that Dominic notices.
She leans back a little and notices his hand. He draws back, knuckles brushing her shoulder. Her skin is softer than the silk.
Again, not sexualized. For me, this really builds the tension in a story. I mean... To be told "And he found her sexy as all hell" works, but it's so much hotter later on when it's this kind of subconscious thing. I think, anway? I like this build-up for them. It's just fact, to him - her skin is softer than the silk. Even though that's probably not true, because I mean, we've all felt silk, but it implies something like electricity, like it feels so good to touch her skin and he doesn't realize it, so he equates it to softness.
“A trip?” he asks, walking around to the front of her desk, absently adjusting his tie.
A bit hot around the collar, are we? Heh.
She nods, almost imperceptibly, and continues shuffling her papers. How, he wonders, can she act so unaware, when to him her very presence is spread out to every corner of the room.
Again, that build-up. Adelle has presence, even if sometimes she does turn it off. Dominic's feeling it now, certainly.
“Going to see the higher-ups?”
Her lips purse. “Yes,” she says, obviously displeased by this fact.
Aaaand... Yeah, that's as far as I got. I suppose I could bring this back out and work on it more? Maybe one day I will.
~~~
-for this snippet.