film in hand
film in hand
Originally uploaded by Amy Grimes. I've had this finished roll of film for almost a year. It's from my holga. It's sat in a drawer and I think what's kept it there is fear of crapiness. Considering the quality of snapshots I throw up here, one would think that wouldn't bother me. But I have great expectations for this roll of film that I'm pretty sure aren't going to be met. That's silly, even stupid reasoning, I know.
I have issues with fear. Not just big fears, but little fears like this that keep me from moving forward. Somehow the littlest of things become life changing catastrophies in my mind - and I know this is ridiculous. I fight as much as I can, but things like this still slip past me.
Last year, between full-time work, full-time school, separation from my husband, a violation and the emotional turmoil I didn't have time to deal with these things. This year I do - or at least I'm going to make time.
I'm not making big leaps. This year it's little steps. Yesterday I took this roll of film and dropped it off for development. Today, I'm going to do something at work that is difficult for me - confront someone who is very confrontational. Yeah, I'll probably fail there, but I figure maybe the next time I won't be as scared.
My mantra for this year is "one tiny step, one little decision at a time" and today I'll be playing that a lot in my brain.