Shall We Dance?
Watkins Glen
Originally uploaded by Amy Grimes. Here's my effort to bring you some cool on these sweltering hot summer days! Even though upstate NY was still in the 90's it seemed forgiveable when standing next to cool moss on slick slate stone and the spray from the water.
I once was in a spin class where the instructor shouted "You have to learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable," right after having us jack up the tension on the bikes. Cycling is exhilirating for me and I'm good at it. Her challenge seemed palatable at the time. Now I'm trying to apply the same principal to dance and it's not quite as easy.
I have a love/hate relationship with dance class. When I'm out at the clubs I love being able to get on the floor and do something fun and healthy - as opposed to sitting, drinking and smoking a cigar. Going to the park and being able to get on the floor to almost every song as the big band plays - is near spiritual for me. I feel connected and strong and exuberant.
But there is a negative. I walk into the dance studio for lessons and my personality changes. I suddenly become nervous and irratable. Frustration comes easy. I'm pretty sure our dear instructor - who I love to death as a person - thinks I'm unstable. Why all the drama? Because it is THE singularly most uncomfortable place for me to be.
I think most of the time we're drawn to things that play to our strengths. Dance does nothing but point out every weakness. My hearing loss makes listening to instruction and music extremely difficult - particularly because the demonstration is usually done in a way I can't read lips. My ADD makes it difficult to concentrate on what I'm doing for any period of time. And to add insult to injury I've had to find a dress for this damn showcase - and do you know how hard it is to find a decent dress for a fat chick with an odd body?!? Trust me, it's weeks and weeks of trying on every single dress I can find - and 98% of them don't fit. It's a blow to a girl's esteem!
Showcase is coming up next Saturday. I'm a wreck. I hate my dress - which is costing a fortune we don't have for a whole 5 mintues on the floor. I'm still uncomfortable with the routine - because i happen to be a perfectionist. In short, I'm not comfortable at all with being uncomfortable. And the effect is - i'm hating dance.
I have never taken on something so difficult and so opposite of what I am in my entire life. I keep thinking that's a good thing - until I realize how much I'm dreading next Saturday.
So, do me a favor, will ya? Send me really good thoughts, calming vibes - as many as you can between now and the 12th. I'll do my best to think positive and maybe between the two of us I'll be able to come back next Saturday with a great report of the day. Then maybe I'll feel a little more comfortable with being uncomfortable.